You Would Be Shocked Why Women Have Affairs

Lately, I’ve been feeling guilty over something I did a long time ago. My boyfriend and I get along so well. We have so much fun together — laugh at the same things, and he really loves and cares about me.

We share the same perceptive on almost every subject of discussion, but I’ve noticed parts of him that I don’t like. He is often negative, sometimes angry, quite demotivated, and a little anti-social. I think these are the things that led me to cheat on him even though I love him.

And the other man; whom I cheated on him with has most of the qualities I look for in a man: a free-hearted spirit, generous, and very romantic. Still, I wouldn’t trade my loving and caring boyfriend for him. This experience awoke the investigator in me. I started pondering over why I cheated.

My boyfriend doesn’t know that I cheated on him, but a hot flush of pain springs through my spine when I look at him. The guilt is killing me but the burning desire to know why I did it in the first place haunts me more.

After surfing the internet for hours, I found out that women often cheat for pleasure, revenge, or lack of self-love. To explain these facts in a larger context, here are my top 10 discoveries on why your girlfriend or wife is cheating on you.

She has low self-esteem

When a woman struggles with low self-esteem, it can lead her to turn to outside sources for the attention and validation that she and her partner are unable to create and maintain. A cheating wife can appeal to the business community to prove to them that they are valuable, desire, or understand their lives. When an affair ends, it can make them feel neglected or worthless, so they pursue a new romantic interest — and the cycle continues.

Emotional hunger

While studies suggest that men who cheat are primarily motivated by sex, women who cheat usually do so to meet an emotional need. And in the case of an emotional affair, sex isn’t part of the equation at all. When a man prefers to sit at the computer instead of seeing his girlfriend or wife naked, women become frustrated, and their self-esteem diminishes.

Lack of interest from their partners is one of the reasons married women cheat. It is very common for the lover to compliment them much more than her husband: this way, the girls get all the attention and desire they want.

Whether the issue is physical or emotional in nature, a woman can cheat because she craves conversation, empathy, respect, devotion, adoration, support, or any other connection that her relationship lacks.

Revenge seeking

Some women enter into relationships with an idealized view of how their husband should behave as a parent, partner, professional, or whatever. When the partner does not live up to expectations, it can cause a break in the relationship that provides the impetus to wander.

Some women expect their partners to meet all of their needs and wants even if they don’t bother to share those are. When their partner inevitably fails, these women sometimes turn to someone else. Some women dislike their partner for other reasons, such as a partner’s affair in the past, and use their own infidelity in retaliation.

Just for fun

You’ve probably heard of the term serial cheaters: people who cheat out of excitement. Women can also be thrill-seekers. They may love their S.O. but crave those endorphin-fueled interactions that make a new relationship so exciting.

She’s sexually starved

Try to keep the spark alive; the excitement that comes with a new relationship only lasts a very long time. The most predictable thing in a relationship is that the more it progresses, the quality and frequency of sex between the couple will decline.

This is because we get used to the same body and get bored. It’s no surprise, then, that some cheating women miss these exciting beginnings of a relationship while passion and intrigue have yet to give way to routine and familiarity.

She’s afraid of commitment

A common excuse among men for their unfaithfulness is this, but it is also common among unfaithful women. Why do girls cheat in this case? Well, lack of maturity, fear of commitment or simply the goal of having more adventures in life are some of the reasons why women cheat, often at the beginning of a relationship.

Her insecurity became her weakness

Attachment theory suggests that early childhood relationships affect how we perceive and behave in our intimate relationships as adults. Depending on the care (or lack of care) they receive as a child, they will fall into one of three attachment styles as an adult: safe (with expectations and well-adapted relational approaches), anxious (fear of abandonment), or avoidant (prefer to maintain their independence from others).

Women who identify with these last two insecure attachment styles exhibit more characteristics such as attachment and contempt — that interfere with a healthy romantic relationship. In addition, they are more likely to cheat, seek reassurance from a third party, or avoid the intimacy of the primary relationship.

Psychological breakdown

Major life events, such as the death of a parent or a milestone birthday, can trigger a woman’s midlife crisis, leaving her grappling with the burden of greatness; that is, the socio-cultural expectation that women “can and should have anything” — a successful career, a loving partner, adoring children, and so on.

Events that cause you to change your outlook on yourself or life, uplift and develop you, or put you a little off-balance can lead you to grab a new love or try another guy for size. A woman can act strangely when she is trying to realize her potential and make up for the lost time. These actions can include infidelity as a cheating woman comes out of her primary relationship in search of happiness and personal growth.

Unexpected circumstances

Those who cheat usually do so because they weren’t actively looking for it. For example, the opportunity was with a colleague, a classmate, someone in their social circle, or at the gym. Similar opportunities also exist in the digital domain.

Social media, dating apps, and texting have revolutionized the ease with which we can connect with others, so it’s no surprise that these platforms often serve as a springboard for business, even when interactions start innocently, without intent do something illegal. In addition, women are generally more.

She’s bored and lonely

A cheating wife may have a partner who works long hours and leaves them at home with the kids all day. Maybe they’ve reached a point in life where it’s harder to make friends, or maybe their S.O. with a chronic illness.

Whatever the reason, loneliness can cause us to distort our perceptions in such a way that we view ourselves, our lives, and our relationships in a more negative way — which in turn affects our behavior in a harmful way. This can lead a woman to cheat, as these feelings of isolation and withdrawal lead them to seek companionship outside of their primary relationship.

After my investigation — carefully analyzing my state of mind at that time, finances, relationship with my boyfriend — I came to the conclusion that my action was inexcusable. I had no valid reason to cheat on such an adorable man. I guess I did it out of selfishness.

At that time, I was young and careless. I had thought if I had sex with some random guy, I would be less hurt if I ever get cheated on. That was wrong because now I have cheated on someone who would never have hurt me in that way. It doesn’t matter your reason —the truth remains — that there is no justification for cheating. That 30-minute fun could haunt you for a long time.

This story first appeared on Medium

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