Your Sanity is Worth Every Dime

Have you ever been in a relationship where your self-worth is constantly undermined? You get called dumb even when you are making sense of everything you’ve said. How did you feel? I bet you felt enraged.

I get that. I have loved a narcissist to know how you lose your sanity with no hope of getting out.

If you are fed up with dating a narcissist or plan on divorcing one, then you may want to sit tight and read through the end.

According to my friend, who is in the process of divorcing her narcissist husband, the battle is a frustrating one. First, you lose your access to funds, and then your mental stability gets shattered.

As you begin to question your reality, you wonder when your prince charming, who love-bombed you with affection, gifts, admiration while he was courting you, became this conniving, deceitful, hideous monster you see in front of you.

My first love was a narcissist. Unfortunately, the damage he did to my mental health is still there. I developed my trust issues after that breakup. But the bright side is that I got to learn some tricks that leave narcissists defenseless.

Nowadays, when I spot a narcissist, I use my tricks to take advantage of their weaknesses. This way, I protect myself from their mind games.

Before you file for a divorce or break up with a narcissist, do the following to build badass confidence to take them on because I assure you it will be one hell of a ride.

Use emotional blackmail

If there’s one you should know about narcissists is that they feel they are better than everyone. Their ego is their greatest strength but also their major weakness.

Most narcissists avoid being in long-term relationships because it exposes the fake reality in their heads that they are better at sex than they actually are.

If you want to pay a narcissist where it hurts, make them feel inadequate. If he brags about his sexual performance, remind him that your ex was way better. This will shut him up. The idea is to return his self-gloating comments with something demeaning to deflate their ego.

Be the empathic one

Narcissists are self-absorbed creatures. They lack the ability to read other people, so they ignore the red flags in people, especially with manipulators and gold diggers.

I once dated a sixty-something narcissist. One way I paid back his insensitive and rude comments was by manipulating him to think he’s the best thing I’ve ever got. If you are not in the habit of sugar coating your feelings, start learning by saying the opposite of how you truly feel.

You will need to stash cash and tangible assets as much as you can before proceeding with a divorce or breakup. Consider it your reward for putting up with their insanity.

Whenever I ended my relationship with a narcissist, I make sure I don’t leave empty-handed. If the money I saved is not enough to secure a property in the States, I buy one back home. Real estate properties are quite cheap in Africa.

Take advantage of their generosity

Narcissists like to show off their personal achievement — expensive phones, cars, stock investments, etc.

The funny thing is that they do this to people they hardly know. When you are courting a narcissist, they shower you with gifts to get your approval, but they grow cold and stingy to some extent once they have you.

If your narcissistic partner withdrawal how he spends on you, introduce him to new faces. Because his nature is to impress, whenever he’s in the company of friends, ask him for favors he can do right there. If he had failed to keep a promise, remind it to him there.

They hate being humiliated, so embarrassing himself by not granting your wish will be the last thing he would do. But be sweet when asking, so you do not get turned down.

Do not talk back when they are angry

Narcissists are very sensitive. If you want to shut them up without lifting a finger, ignore them. They say silence is the best answer to a fool; it’s true.

When you talk back while a narcissist is talking, you feel their energy. Their joy is to see you mad. They can go to any length to make you lose your mind.

But when you’re silent, they get confused because they don’t know what you are thinking.

I know it can be difficult to ignore someone who is bashing you for something you didn’t do (in most cases). But your goal is to leave that relationship, so whatever you hear, keep your mouth shut and focus on the price.

Play the wing man

My dad would say, “be foolish and get what you want.” I can’t tell how many times this advice has saved my ass. Or should I say, it brought opportunities that would have been impossible if I acted all wise and knowing.

Narcissists like underestimating others and think they are superior. Allow them to live in that delusion while you make your plot. I wish I weren’t naive in my first relationship with a narcissist.

The best way to beat a narcissist in their own game of manipulation is to know their personality. If you get to know how they behave, you communicate effectively with them to your advantage.

Narcissists live in fear of abandonment. They constantly seek out people who would hear them. If you give them that listening ear, they will start seeing you as a good person. They will trust you and be willing to do what you demand of them.

If you know those things your partner liked about you when you were courting, start doing them again. But remember, your plan is not to remain in the relationship because they will flip out the minute you get exhausted from faking nice.

Make them feel threatened

Like I said, fear is a narcissist’s greatest enemy. Narcissists hate being alone. They need attention and approval like they need air. They act like they don’t need anybody because that will make them appear vulnerable.

I’m not the type that stays in a non-committed relationship for too long. So I check out when my emotions start getting the way. When my ex narcissist partners notice that I have been distancing myself, they think they did something.

They try to make up for something they dn’t even do. Well, if they are acting all nice and desperate, who are my not to take advantage of the opportunity at my feet?

So if you want to get your partner to come around, take some time off after a fight. They usually feel guilty even if they don’t say it. Don’t expect an apology, but you can be sure to get whatever you ask of them as a peace offering.

These tips may sound cruel, but hey, being with a narcissist is the most depressing and self-destructing thing one can do for themselves. So, if you will lose your self-worth, it might as well be in a grand style.

This post first appeared on Medium