Why Female Breadwinners Struggle With Relationships

Being born a female means that you're going to live your entire life dealing with double standards and mixed messages. This is a major reason why we need feminism right now. It's not fair to us, nor is it healthy for society to have these double-standards, either.

One of the biggest areas where this rings true is dating — and no, I'm not going to bemoan how women are told they're shallow while they're being judged on looks on a daily basis.

No, I'm going to talk about the breadwinner issue this time.

Women are regularly called lazy if they want to be full-time homemakers, and I know this because I've been called a gold digger more times than I can count. Women who are "career girls" are regularly praised in music and pop culture — and rightfully so. It's not easy being a career girl in a man's world.

These days, women are regularly told that having a career will make us more attractive to guys. Yes, they do escape the accusation of being a "gold digger." However, what most people don't realize is that the problems often multiply when girls make more money of their own.

Unfortunately, one of the biggest issues facing many high-earning women is that there are serious struggles that come with being a female breadwinner in a relationship.

These issues all come with toxic masculinity — a series of beliefs about gender roles that are toxic to peoples' ability to have a healthy relationship with others. Here are some of the worst struggles of female breadwinners, and why it's such a huge issue in modern society.

There's a lot of stigma attached to the idea of a male homemaker.

Homemaking isn't an easy job, and someone has to do it. Unfortunately, we live in a society where being a homemaker is seen as a "second class" job that deserves to be looked down upon. It's also seen as emasculating for a man to be a stay-at-home spouse.

We've all heard about people who make fun of men who stay at home and do the dishes. Once again, this shows how toxic masculinity affects men and women.

The stigma involving the idea of female breadwinners having men who stay at home often makes men feel inadequate — and also causes concern for women, too.

Many women feel inadequate when they have to be the ones who earn the paycheck, primarily because girls are regularly told that they will have a guy who will sweep them off their feet and pamper them. They might wonder why they can't get a provider, why others do, and if there's something wrong with them.

Some girls also feel guilty about being the breadwinner. Such is the effect of toxic masculinity on otherwise healthy people.

Toxic masculinity makes men feel emasculated by female breadwinners.

It's scary how many men tie their value to their ability to provide a good living for a woman. For some, it's even something they consider a cornerstone of their masculinity. (Thanks, toxic masculinity.)

Unfortunately, if you're a female breadwinner, many men will either refuse to date you because they feel too intimidated to handle you, or because they won't "feel like the man in the relationship."

In certain circles, many men who earn the same amount also will react the same way — opting to find a girl they can provide for financially as a way to boost their egos over a woman who earns the same amount as they do.

As a result, many guys who would potentially be compatible in other situations stop being compatible right off the bat. So, many high-earning women end up feeling like they're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Sometimes, the emasculation factor can lead to abuse or infidelity.

As bad as it is, men who get insecure often will lash out at women who they feel emasculate them. Many end up getting resentful of female breadwinners because of the career success they're getting. A lot of guys might even try to find other ways to "show they're the man."

This means that many guys who date female breadwinners may end up getting abusive towards them, because they don't know how to handle shame they may feel — or because they're just plain awful at coping with being in a "woman's position."

This isn't the only way guys might react to emasculation. Studies have also shown that couples with female breadwinners are more likely to have cheating husbands than couples with male breadwinners.

When the reason they feel emasculated is because of insecurities due to a woman earning more, or having earned more, than they do, there's nothing that a woman can do to ameliorate the situation aside from break it off to find someone with a healthier outlook.

If this sounds like hyperbole, it's not. Being a woman who outearns her husband actually increases your likelihood of divorce.

Moreover, many men aren't willing to put their life goals on the backburner for a woman's career.

Hearing about a woman who moved across the country to help support their husband's career isn't unusual. In fact, it's expected. Hearing about a woman quitting her career to raise the kids is also not unusual — even if she really loved her career. Once again, it's expected.

However, if you turn the tables, all of those situations will become extremely rare. Most men will not quit their jobs to take care of the kids, nor will many be willing to move to support their wives' careers.

It's not because men are inherently selfish, either. Men are just not socialized to compromise as much as women are, and this issue is a result of that upbringing.

This can often cause a rift between partners, or even devolve a relationship into a power struggle. As a result, many female breadwinners often wonder if they are being selfish for wanting to be head of the household — and often find themselves having to choose between love and a career.

Lastly, it also tends to attract leeches.

A lot of people will end up choosing partners who are well-off with the sole purpose of having a luxury lifestyle or never having to work again. These days, a new form of toxic masculinity involves having pride about using women for sex and money.

Men who ascribe to the "pimp" mindset in this manner tend to court high-earning women with the sole purpose of being able to use them until nothing is left. As a result, many female breadwinners end up dating men who don't have any job — or end up magically "getting laid off" six months into the relationship.

If you've had this happen a couple of times, it's easy to wonder if people actually like you or your wallet. Because of how many predators are now out there, many female breadwinners don't want to reveal how much they make to their dates, and no one should blame them for that reticence, either.