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Why Don't Women Just Come Forward?

The Issues of Sexual Assault in America

By James HowellPublished 5 years ago 3 min read

In recent years, there have been many allegations of sexual abuse that allegedly happened in the past, the most recent being Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh. This particular incident happened over 30 years ago in which he supposedly groped, grinded on, and held his hand over her mouth. People are wondering why she didn’t come forward sooner. I can only speak from a male perspective of my own.

Typically, when these types of things happen, it can be years before they work through the trauma, if they do at all. Often there are threats of violence, or of leverage (meaning a job or taking the kids away, etc). With the case of Kavanaugh’s accuser, she has received death threats against her and her family and has had to go into hiding. Victims are often ridiculed. They are shamed because they might have had an alcoholic beverage, so they are made to believe it is their fault. Yet when it’s a guy who’s drunk, it’s automatically assumed that he didn’t know what he was doing. Maybe they did come forward, but the person they admitted it to didn’t believe them. There are many other reasons that they may not have come forward at the time; however as a male, it is not my place to assume or accuse anyone.

All reports of sexual abuse should not be taken lightly. They should be taken seriously until the investigation is complete and the court case is over. That’s not to say that people don’t lie in certain instances on either side, just until all the facts and evidence have been presented. The investigations, followed by the trial, are to give everyone closure and justice in the verdict. While the system is far from perfect, we shouldn’t dismiss these claims based on that solely. We can learn from these cases. How we can do better, how we can be better. We have to quit making assumptions—like that they are just doing it for fame, money, or political reasons. We should be willing to hear them out.

Ladies, these next parts are generally directed towards males, but feel free to read on if you wish. Guys, I’m going to explain how to avoid these incidents, and save you a lifetime of trouble and regret.

First off, guys, don’t be dicks. No does mean no, regardless of the circumstances. If she is attracted to you in any way, she will let you know. If she declines your advancements, let it go. I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this in this day and age, but we need to cover all the basics. There’s no shame in being turned down. It happens to us all at some point. Just be a fucking man about it.

Secondly, if you don’t want to be accused, don’t put yourself in a position to be accused. Donald Trump has been repeatedly accused, which he vehemently denies. Yet there are tapes talking about what women have let him do for money. He states it in a very misogynistic and demeaning way that I will not type here, in case any younger eyes see and read this.

Third, if you wouldn’t say or do it to a family member, it’s probably better not to say or do it. Also, if you wouldn’t want someone to say it or do it to you in prison, then just don’t. We have to get rid of certain aspects of the alpha male mentality and see females as our equal. It’s really not hard, guys, just be cool. Don’t be a dick, and respect her right to say no if she chooses. They will normally do the same for you. Just be cool to one another. I feel like this should not have to be written in today’s society; however, it obviously needed to be said.


About the Creator

James Howell

Father, activist, man in black... He/Him

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