VOICES of Survivors

Over the past few months, I have been invited to join a wonderful group. This group is small in my area right now and we only meet once every two months but this is a National group that has been established since 2002 and it just keeps growing. This group's name as you've probably already gathered by the title of this is VOICES. We are a group comprised of men and women who are domestic violence survivors. Our group leader is Ms. Penny Hensley and she works very closely with our local law enforcement, our ADA's, our victim witness coordinators, WRAP(which is another wonderful service), and other agencies I'm sure I'm forgetting. The goal is to create a Family Safety Center so women, men, and children who are victims can go there for shelter and initiate any legal proceedings they may need/want to start during a domestic violence situation. Also, so they can have any questions they may have answered. Ultimately, we want you to feel safe, secure, and like you just received a hug at a time when your world is shaken. The first VOICES group started in San Diego, California in 2002 where the first members served as an advisory committee for the San Diego Family Justice Center. (https://familysafetycenter.org/voices/) You see, from the very beginning, we have been a group of people who want to make our VOICES heard. At one point or perhaps multiple points in each of our lives, our voices were silenced and this group, VOICES is about taking that back. This is about making people aware of not only abuse and its presence but also breaking down the barriers. There are so many stigmas around what a woman should take from a man because she needs to "obey her husband" as stated in the Bible, stigmas concerning whether or not a man can be a victim of domestic violence, stigmas even concerning how a victim should act after the fact(should she/he be quiet and not say anything or is telling people okay?), stigmas on therapy and how this can impact a person's mental health, etc. I could seriously go on and on. It is deeply troubling how we as a society victim shame and blame and then we wonder why these women keep going back to the violence or making excuses for their abusers or why a man is statistically far less likely to report D.V. than a woman. "Half of male victims (49%) fail to tell anyone they are a victim of domestic abuse and are two and a half times less likely to tell anyone than female victims (19%)." This quote from (https://mankind.org.uk/statistics/statistics-on-male-victims-of-domestic-abuse/). It is sad that we as a society(and yes I'm throwing myself under the bus here too) have taught women to be subservient to the point they could die or be raped multiple times and men that they have to be so macho that they need to suppress their feelings to the point it doesn't matter if they get beaten on? I'm sorry society and mankind as a whole but this is not ok! And honestly, this is why I'm still mad. I'm mad at myself, mad at society as a whole, mad at every abuser that ever was or will be and I'm mad at who hurt that abuser to make that woman/man into an abuser because typically every abuser starts as a victim first. So, let's turn things around gradually and step by step because we have to do better and be better and this is what VOICES is all about.

"One voice begins as a whisper, two voices may be loud enough to be heard by only a few, but a chorus of voices becomes a roar that will be heard behind every locked door. Let us now begin to end the silence about domestic violence." (https://familysafetycenter.org/voices/)