The Diosa Project
Discovering myself, finding my hobbies, and healing old wounds.
"La Diosa" is spanish for goddess.
A goddess is someone that radiates beauty, and is open minded to their life's purpose. It is a figure that holds feminine power, and it is a symbol of divinity. Ultimately, it is a title that I have been striving to call myself in its purest form.
While I continue to navigate the ups and downs of my early 20's, I must believe that I am worthy of the journey. Finding that worth in myself and calling my existence by the name of "goddess" was when the imposter syndrome hit the hardest. Even if confidence is not something to be ashamed of, I used to be so embarrassed to think highly of myself.
For the longest time, I was grappling with the ideas of finding solace in my own presence and being comfortable with who I was becoming. Being a young adult, I felt like my peace was being disturbed by the stress of chaotic relationships, poor communication with family, financial burdens, and the call to be somebody "stable."
But, what does stable even mean?
I thought that stable meant that a person wasn't "messy." It was someone who didn't have mental breakdowns, had a hefty savings in their bank account, and had little to no fights with those in their close circles.
If I compared that fantasy to my own life, I realized that I would be majorly lacking. Those expectations aren't going to perfectly fall into place for everyone, nor do other women live within the same experiences as me. Our timelines look different, and we are all very different people! Comparing myself to the success of others and trying to be some unattainable version of a "typical" 24 year old woman was causing me to stop living my life for what it was. Instead of healing those old wounds and finding ways to blossom, I became trapped in cycles of trying to erase trauma, being seen as "put-together", and avoiding the hard parts of truly facing myself.
La Diosa Project
In order to find my own sense of peace, I started to embody some hobbies on my own time that made me feel good! For starters, I longed for practicing self-love and finding community as a Latinx woman. To do so, I bought some candles from Firme Arte, an Indigenous and Queer small business that specializes in making these products. The candles are infused with blessings and prayers, and contain crystals when you're done burning them!
When my anxiety is at its peak, I go to the private space I made in my bedroom. It is a corner that is filled with sensory items that will bring me back down from the stressful moments in my life. In this spot, I have a small table, cushion, dried plants, books, and Firme Arte the candles I ordered. Around 30 minutes per day or whenever I have the time, I try to dedicate a free moment to really focus on myself and clear my head. During this time I immerse myself in my little corner, read a few pages from a book, and light my candles. In these moments, I turn off my phone and aim for having no other distractions.
Finding community with other Latinx woman and beginning a journey of healing similar trauma, sharing cultural experiences, and feeling whole again has been a necessary move at this point in my life. Every week, I discuss my thoughts and lived experiences with friends who have mutally developed a space for our growth as people. Having that time to decompress with others in a community has been such a helpful addition to achieving the peace and validation of my feelings that I've searched for!
Brushes and Pens
"Art is a wound turned into light."
When the going gets tough, grab a pen and a paint brush! Over the summer, I devoted a lot of my free time to improving my art techniques and journaling. Even though I was hesitant to begin painting again, the plunge into finding a creative outlet was nothing but refreshing.
Below you'll see a project that I worked on a few weeks ago! It is a winter scene with snow coated roads and pine trees.
Even if it doesn't seem like much, journaling can be a way to develop the habit of focusing on yourself. It allows you to start thinking about what specifically makes you tic, the burdens you are carrying, and how life stressors are affecting your mood. Writing it down can release so many pent up emotions about what pains you when you discuss things that have hurt you, what you need to work on, and the negative sides of yourself that have been affecting you.
In order to make a better effort of writing in my journal, I decided to make the pages more lively by filling them with mini collages. This healing journal is one of the most important parts of the Diosa project that I have started! Analyzing those triggering points, acknowledging my flaws, and aiming for becoming the best version of myself is the ultimate goal in acheiving that peace.
“To recognize one's own insanity is, of course, the arising of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcendence.”