It’s the end of the night and you’re date is going well. You head back to your place to see what might happen. After some drinks the evening heads to the bedroom. You agree to have sex with a condom as you don’t want to catch anything or become pregnant. Unknowingly to you, at sometime during sex the condom had been removed.
Stealthing: the act of one of the parties secretly removing the condom during sex. This is usually done by the man as an almost caveman-like urge to spread his seed.
The secret removal of the condom during intercourse does, however, turn the act from a consensual sex to nonconsensual sex. The parties had agreed upon having sex while using a condom, but the secret removal of the condom changes that to nonconsensual as it was not agreed upon by both parties to not use a condom, and the choice is therefore being forced upon them. Another greater reason for discussing this with your partner beforehand is the spread of sexually transmitted infections or risk of becoming pregnant. Some states are considering this a form of rape and are trying to get additional laws that specifically are for condom removal.
However, this is not a trend happening just in the US. In Switzerland, a man was imprisoned after stealthing a woman that he had met on Tinder. She would only have sex with him if he wore a condom; he agreed but then sometime during the act, he removed the condom without telling her.
Though it is more common for men to commit the act of stealthing, women too are perpetrators. The most common way for a woman to commit stealthing is to poke holes in the condom, usually to trap the man into getting her pregnant.
There are forums where tips are shared on the best ways to remove the condom with out the woman noticing or getting the condom to break so it looks like an accident so the man cannot be blamed.
Some of the most common tips for stealthing are condom removal, condom sabatoage and pulling out late. Below these are mentioned in a little more detail so you know what to look for in case you think this may be happening to you.
- Condom removal: The condom is removed during a change in positions which helps mask the movement. Often additional lube is added so it makes it more difficult for the woman to check as well as to make up for the extra wetness that would be left by the man’s semen. Sometimes, it is even suggested to keep the condom around for after in case the woman wants to make sure it was used so be aware of the difference in appearance between a condom that has been used and filled and one that has been used and taken off
- Condom sabotage: The most common condom sabotage is to poke holes in the condom through the packet using a pin or other sharp objects. The safest way to combat this would be to use your own condoms. Another method of condom sabotage is similar to the condom removal; while switching positions, pull tight on the condom so it’ll break.
- Pulling out late: This is while it is agreed upon by both parties for no use of condoms but to instead pull out, but he pulls out late. There are two different methods I’ve heard in regards to this; one is to pull out late which will then release the semen inside as well as spraying the vagina which makes it harder for the woman to tell as it attributes for the extra wetness. The second is to pull out late but in time to still come where the woman will see, half of the load being side the woman and half being outside.
In all of these forums there were suggestions to act surprised if caught and to say things like 'I thought you knew,' so please always stand your ground. If you did not agree to removing the condom, defend yourself. Do not let people get away with this.