I "KNOW" I Love Me Enough

I am slowly learning how to be "me" again in my new skin, that quite frankly is, amazing skin! It is skin that I had before and set it down awhile when I was told it was not that great.

Now I realize it was the outside just saying things because they did not have that unique skin.

Will the skin be identical to how it was before? No!

But can it be better because it knows more how to appreciate itself? Yes!

Compared to a few years ago, I have come a very long way to loving me fully again. I have poured hours into financial, spiritual, physical, and emotional health to become whole.

All those nights of hurting...and all of those nights alone with my thoughts...and all those ideas that for years haunted me in continual mental anguish inflicted by outside sources saying you are not enough...

Well....

Now that all you naysayers are in shock...

Now that all you naysayers are in a total tailspin outside...

Now that all you naysayers see if someone puts their mind to something...

It is true that if you have passion to live enough for you and you alone...

Great things happen on the inside that the outside cannot hide!

That is where I am at...

That is where I want to be...

Then...

There is that naysayer again!

You know it's okay to be an average girl.

You know it's okay to be a girl that is not a "10".

But hey...that is a "10" over there, and ya guys will always notice her!

Do all you naysayers notice "her" because you know you cannot have her?

Do all you naysayers notice "her" because you think you can disillusion all of us to work hard enough to be "her"?

Well if she is so wonderful how did I draw your attention to sit down!?

Well if she is so wonderful what are you doing sitting here?!

By all means...

Oh she's crazy.

Oh she's too high maintenance.

Oh she just isn't down to earth.

Oh you cannot talk to her like all us average girls.

SPOILER ALERT!

She's the girl, and I am the woman.

Please DO NOT insult me with the "girl" term again.

She is the one caught at 18, while I am busy growing into skin that changes.

She is the one controlled; I am the woman commanding my own space.

Yes...even all those Hollywood lovelies are controlled by the option of a paycheck.

Yes...all those hours at the gym and chefs and trainers and spa trips; they are all girls lost in being what others want.

Have I been lost? Yes!

Have I been the girl crying for approval? Yes!

Have I been the girl playing the game? Yes!

And...And yet...

Here I am in my new/old skin! Here I am not those girls, but I am that woman! I am that woman that is me for me!

Why are you here naysayers of the world wasting time to tell me how "average" I am?

Oh...

It's because in the game I am not a piece "falling into place."

In the game I am not a piece "willing to conform".

In the game I am not a piece "that you expected".

Girls play beauty shop to be "top pick".

Women are busy working in ruling space.

Women are busy pushing because they want to, not because they are told to.

Women are busy allowing the world to totally beat them so that THOSE girls can see women straighten their crown for them, not the world ruling them.

Women are just busy being women.

We are busy working.

We are busy giving.

We are busy climbing.

We are busy trying.

We are busy loving.

We are busy burning midnight oil.

We are busy being pillars.

We are busy legacy-leaving.

We are...just...too damned...busy being HUMAN to be untouchably, beautifully pristine!