A Beautifully Orchestrated Mosaic

I am a mother.

I am a daughter.

I am a divorcee.

I am a lover.

I am a photographer.

I am a career woman.

I am a writer, some days!

What am I really? I am a melting pot of all my hopes and dreams. I am that woman that for so long tried to be that perfect princess for my parents and society that the pressure finally caved me in. I am that woman that learned to shatter glass ceilings and realize perfection is not beautiful; only in the brokenness and rebuilding is there true beauty.

So, who am I really? Well, I am me! Just plain old complicated, amazingly mystifying, and hard-headed me.

Life is what has created this mosaic in all my 36 years. I know, I have not lived long to most, but in those 36 years I have tasted so many miraculous highs and so many confounding lows. I am truly mortal. In my bare humanity you will find a heart that loves deeper than it did 5 years ago when I decided to shatter my first glass ceiling.

That Cinderella-perfect life was shattered by no one other than me. Or, should I say what appeared to be a Cinderella life for a few years until despising eyes and cutting tongues took their toll on me. If you are not loved in a marriage you will feel the wrath of hatred purely and fully. There is no way around it. What did I learn in my 11-year marriage? I learned that perfection and happy endings do not exist without true acceptance, not just love. I learned that me just as I am was not accepted for who I was truly.

And in shattering that glass ceiling with a beautifully immediate charge, and a simple paper falling on a desk before befuddling eyes that beauty was in the purification of your what “you thought was happiness” into what “you realized was pure joy”. After nights of trying to make things work and realizing you have no control nor any love forthcoming, cutting the cord was the most freeing destruction I have ever felt. You heard me right. I am who I am truly because I allowed my life to be destroyed so that I could rebuild myself, my son, and our dream from new bricks made of a prior creation’s rubble.

Being real and truthful, sometimes brutally, is who I am. At my core, I will burn bridges. I will cut ties if that means there is peace and prosperity for myself and my son. I had to realize that I live in a reality world not a fantasy one. There is no prince charming and sometimes the huntsman is what you truly need. Sometimes finding someone so raw and honest just like you, is exactly who you needed even if it is not the world’s definition of beautiful, but it is real. The real makes it beautiful in turn.

This mosaic of laughter, crying, anger, sympathy, and generosity is who I truly am. I am that person that will go the extra mile to help you, but I am that person that if you cut me, I will walk away. I am a woman that understands my beauty rests within and not without. I am that gloriously free woman that can stand in a room of haters and realize it’s just life.

I am that woman that loves other strong women. I am that woman that loves to speak my mind boldly, and if I am wrong well, I will claim it crying or laughing or yelling. Then, move on with my humiliation or discontent in my failure learning from it. I want to live life fully, not just have life delivered to me on a platter. I want to be dancing in every bit of life and challenge myself daily.

I am not a princess and why did I ever want to be!? I want to be queen of my own destiny and drive my own passions. There is no need to be saved from life by a knight. I can save myself. I know I can because quite frankly, I have, and I am each morning I wake up. When my feet hit the ground my enemies tremble because they know I am coming.

I ardently thank my Creator every day that I finally had enough of perfection. I fell in love with the humanity of imperfection using perfect moments creating a mosaic of colored glass into a perfectly imperfect life.

Me, in a nutshell, I am a very flawed, imperfect human learning to love my sharp edges all over again. I am that woman that realizes I am here not to be anyone’s princess, perfect mother, perfect daughter, perfect co-worker, or perfect anything! I am here to live life and love deeply and passionately. I am here to have no regrets, but rather moments that break me so that I can reform me into who I truly want to be. I am remarkably human with a fallible personality that can be wonderfully delightfully or sinfully chaotic. That is what being me is to its vibrant core.