I Did Not Give You Permission!

Times are extremely hard in this economy. Bills are way too high and everyone is short on money it seems. What no one really voices is that when you are short on money, money that you desperately need, you yourself can become desperate.

I work as a wedding coordinator in league with Royal Caribbean. I have been performing wedding ceremonies for five years now making this my longest running job in a while. I enjoy the work and the pay is alright. But a few months ago I was short on my rent. The person that I am hates when a bill is late or short. So, I asked my boss for an advance on my future weddings. He agreed but not before his text messages started to come off as a bit strange. I told my mother that something just did not seem right. She told me that I must be reading too into the things he was saying. I shrugged my shoulders and believed her.

One morning, my doorbell rang around 11 AM. I was expecting no one. The peep hole on my door was removed so I had no choice but to just open the door and see who was there. It was my boss. And he had my check. This in itself was odd because he never came to drop off a check/ especially not all the way from Queens. I gave him some water and he took my check from his pocket and sat it on my dresser. He proceeded to come over to me and said something very inappropriate to me and it made me uncomfortable. I wanted him to leave, I just needed my money, and it was behind him. He then touched me and I... I felt disgusting and wrong. I never gave this man permission to touch me! So why was he doing it?! I hated it. I hated him. I hated myself. He tried to kiss me and refused to let me go. I yelled for him to get out of my apartment. As he moved to leave, spewing comments about how I "wasted his time," he grabbed my check and left.

At that exact moment, I cared nothing about the check. I just kept on rubbing my skin and crying. I couldn't stop crying. I called my sister who in turn called my mother. In hindsight, nothing was done about my situation. And to this day I still have to work alongside this man because unfortunately I really need the money.

I know that there are a lot of women who have been hurt and abused. If anything like this has happened to you, please do not stay in that environment. I know that talking to someone may feel embarrassing and saying something is to make it real. Trust me, I understand. but we have to think of our wellbeing and our health. If a man, or anyone violates, your personal space or your body, please, I urge you to tell someone. Seek help, file a police report. Do not let what happened to you rule you. Please, don't be like me. Learn from me, and accept nothing other than justice for what was done, because you deserve nothing less than justice. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, I am not just a writer, but a woman as well. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if need be.

All my love,

Bri.