How I Really Fell In Love With My Own Body

Sometimes I feel like the relationships between us and our own bodies are one of the most complicated ones we have to navigate nowadays. It doesn’t matter if you’re skinny, fat, or anything in between, someone will always tell you that your body — that you — are not enough.

While ideally, everyone's goal should be a fit and healthy lifestyle, the idea of a perfect body to gain the privilege of feeling comfortable in your own skin is not healthy and has nothing to do with being fit.

I am just one of the many many girls and women who had (and still have) their life shaped by diet culture and the beauty industry. This is how I fell in love with my own body, despite of them telling me otherwise:

I can pinpoint the exact year I went from super skinny to the too big child. It was the year I turned seven. I don’t know what brought this weight gain upon me as I never changed my food habits or my sports activities; the only thing I know is suddenly everyone was treating me differently and the feeling of “being less” because of my body never stopped.

Fast forward to 15-year-old me who decided that, finally, enough was enough. I started to go for runs, do body workouts at least three times a week, and monitored every calorie that would enter my body.

This new lifestyle was tiring — especially the calorie count, as I could often not enjoy spontaneous restaurant visits or self-made cake at a friend’s house. While everyone was enjoying drinks at the club, I had to go with water in order to not mess with my diet.

However, with dedication came progress. I lost around 15kg (~33lbs) and could wear a size S easily. In 2017, I finally hit my ideal weight of 50 kg. I jumped off the scales and ran to my mirror; eager to bathe in the glory of the hard work I had put into my body for two years straight. I looked myself up and down and-

I was utterly disappointed.

After I had worked so hard and denied myself so much, I hardly looked different. Sure, I was just less overall, but my stomach was still too prominent, my legs still short and rather big, my fingers didn’t turn long and elegant and my boobs were still a C cup.

Everything I had hated about myself was still there.

This was over 5 years ago and I still remember that feeling as if it was yesterday. Some sort of clarity washed over me and I knew I had a decision to make. There were only two options from there:

• Continue to work out even harder and restrict my diet even more
• Accept the body I was born in with all its perks and flaws

I was proud of what I had accomplished but it was at this moment I realized I would never have those long skinny legs or the fancy hands. That were just not the cards I was given by life and biology, I guess. And that was fine. After that, I started to work out less, go out more, and overall allowed myself a treat from time to time. Most importantly, I’ve never hated my body since that day.

It was never about achieving some random number on the scales, it was all about accepting my body. It was about doing my best. In the end, I chose to quit my efforts. But I did so with the knowledge that I tried everything I was willing to give. The truth is the best version of me is not unhappy or stressed because she has to follow her strict diet but contains a balanced diet and has fun doing sports.

The takeaway is: eating healthy and working out are important. Being happy and having fun are more important.