Bleeding In A Mans World.

I'm a woman. Been one my whole life. I started my period when I was 15. Yeah, I know. I was a late bloomer. I'm grateful for my menstrual and the fact that it comes when it's supposed to, and it goes at a reasonable time. I feel like my body operates alright, as far as all my female organs and all that kind of stuff.

Sex can be a painful thing at times. Fun fact; I have a backwards uterus. I've been told that may have something to do with it, depending on the position my body is in and angles and all that sex stuff. Though I'm not having any sex right now. I made a promise to myself that I would stay celibate until I meet my husband. Yeah, that may sound crazy to some people, but I'm good with it. I've had enough sexual experiences in my life to know what I want, what I like, what I deserve, and what I need. I'm sick of giving the wrong men that part of my soul and then having to repair it when the relationship falls apart. It's way too painful. Yeah, I’m such a woman.

Let's talk about how amazing it is to have one really good week out of every single month.

We're given thirty days, give or take, in a month, right? Out of those thirty days, one week is great. You sleep pretty good. Your mental health is balancing pretty well. You're generally in a pretty good mood. You feel more motivated to eat healthy, and hit the gym most of the week. Hell, you might even get up extra early to meditate and do some yoga before getting ready for work. That week is nice.

Let's talk a little bit about the day we ovulate. My God! Why does it have to feel like there is a bomb about to explode in my lower abdomen!?

I know it's not just me. I've had this conversation with a lot of women who experience the same kind of uncomfortable feeling. It hurts, man. It's worse than actual menstrual cramps.

Now let's discuss the week we bleed. Mine doesn't just show up unannounced. I start to feel like a crazy person the week before (but we'll get to that week in the next paragraph). As I was saying, the bleeding starts out lightly. It's like a thin, light and quiet whisper of "oh, hello there", and physically it's not horrible. Then all of a sudden, my insides feel like they're being ripped apart, or like there is a giant bag of sand just sitting on top of my vagina and it could fall out of me at any moment. Life is awful, and yes I'm exaggerating, but it is a freaking miserable effing time. Then I start bleeding so much that I'm afraid to move. It's like someone turned a faucet on, and walked away. Not on super high, not on full blast, but at a pretty decent amount of pressure and it's just going and going. The sink fills up, and it's a bloody mess. That goes on for a solid two days. I feel tired, and lethargic. I have no energy whatsoever. Then things start to lighten up, and I become less tense, and less psychotic in my head. My appetite returns to normal, and healthy. It gets better. I'm letting out a sigh right now just thinking about that feeling of relief.

Okay, now the week of feeling like I am falling down a deep, dark pit of impending doom. This is a rough week to experience, especially when you already have depression and anxiety that you battle on a regular basis. Your mental health is important to pay attention to during this week. I experience less, to no joy at all. Depending on what I'm currently going through at the time I may even have crazy suicidal thoughts. Everything could be going pretty well in my life, and I'll still be in a terrible, nasty mood. I'll just say it, I act like a bitch. It's my bitch week, and it usually happens right before I'm about to start my period.

Now let's talk about the recovery week. For me, it starts the week before the great one. I'm still pretty tired most of the day. My appetite is starting to return back to that normal and healthy one I mentioned before. I feel less crazy, and more calm. My thinking is more rational. I feel like I'm more pleasant to be around. I just keep this sort of "meh" kind of focused attitude, if that makes any sense. I know that all I need to do is just get through the week, drink lots of water, eat healthy, stretch, and get rest, because I'm going to experience a boost of energy pretty soon.

Then the cycle starts all over again.

I want to point something out here. I know that not all women experience months like I just described. I'm aware.

I have wonderful women in me life who know exactly what I go through, and we laugh and joke about it with one another on a regular basis. You should see the text messages, they're hilarious.

I have more amazing women in my life who live with conditions like endometriosis, and women who have had to have hysterectomies that they never wanted to have.

I just wanted to share that because I understand what a blessing it is to still be able to have an opportunity to experience child birth. I am grateful for my menstrual for that reason. I am grateful that my lady parts are healthy.

I'm currently going through that pre-menstrual stage. The days before I start bleeding I feel hyper emotional. I'm already an emotional person, but these few days are much more intense. It’s not sensitivity. I'm not sensitive. I don't get offended by much. Especially things I know really aren’t about me. I understand people, even if they don’t know it. This stage is the “I’m sad and feeling stuff harder” stage. But it's more like a bright sadness. I guess you could just say I cry more.

I love being a woman who gets to work in a field that's mostly populated by men who wear suits all day long, and go play 27 holes on their days off. I can manage myself in that environment, and I don't feel the need to have to put an entire face of makeup on, or wear tight clothing that shows off all of my assets. I don't feel like I need to impress these guys in that sense, but I do want my work to be impressive. I do want to be successful, and I do want my bosses to notice my strengths.

I just started this new position, and I haven't had to go to work while on my menstrual, yet. The last company I worked for I was surrounded by women, or gay men all day. I felt like it was understood why I was in a terrible mood, or why I called off because I could barely get out of bed, and the several times I bled through my pants and had to go next door to buy a new pair during my shift. I finally switched to wearing disks, or a cup, instead of tampons during the heavy bleeding time. Then I finally learned the way my body was operating. I realized that I needed to wear a loose dress, or skirt, and wear a pad on one or two of those days just for extra security. I became responsible about it, and made the right adjustments at the times it was necessary. But still, I'm a little nervous about having to work in the business I'm in today during the week I bleed. That’s all it is, something new. I hate being physically uncomfortable, and feeling like I have to pretend It’s not happening. These are just new thoughts I've been having.

I'm pretty sure men don't worry themselves with such things. Maybe they have their own stuff. Being consumed with womanhood and all, I wouldn't know.

What I do know is my body. I understand her. I've learned how she operates. I get her. I am confident in my ability to survive in a mans world. I am confident in my ability to excel in my new career. I will do it while I bleed, and I will do it well.