Confined

Confined

Feeling very confined almost stuck like I am in a cage surrounded by fire and I can’t find my way out, my heart feels so heavy but empty all at the same time it’s like my head and mind are present but my mind seems to drift off as well. How do we as individuals cope? How are we suppose to get over these obstacles? It’s not a forever thing but I feel my stomach and heart sink every time, I feel like I am physically not here but everything in my body is intact. I’ve always heard personal experiences and goals are what truly make for good storytelling but I personally think when we as humans measure our happiness and emotions by day to day, small goals are something to look forward to I have learned over time. I have always measured my goals with having long term progress I didn’t think it was possible for me to ever achieve happiness with small victories, but I know it’s possible, over time a course of 3 years I have learned that small progress is just as beneficial as large achievements. It’s sort of like the glass is either half full or half empty depending on how someone looks at it, when have your cup half filled you then have that chance to put more into your cup if there is room for improvement and optimism. That’s when the victim or creative mindset, victim mindset will have you thinking that just nothing is possible not even change and wanting to point fingers and have the blame game instead of taking accountability for our own actions which can blind us as a whole. We have all been there thinking there is no way that we can change our thinking into “hey I actually can do that” it’s so easy to say “this is so impossible for me to accomplish”, when really if I apply myself and say I can do this and this is going to be my “light bulb” moment, getting rid of those biases and hearing your own voice and knowing you can change that victim mindset into a creative one. Change is possible, reminding yourself that things are definitely possible if I truly apply myself and stop looking at things like a one way street instead there are multiples and intersections and avenues. I try to instill confidence within to my mind or I end up giving advice to others that I should really follow. These goals take time to achieve I sit here 30 and writing but I still find myself thinking negatively which I believe is part of being human I am not prefect. I don’t why we as humans strive to be so prefect it ends up ruining how we feel about ourselves in the end at times. Learning what a creative and victim mindset truly helped me with my sense of direction in the long run, I found myself trying to over do things and that can also back fire when where not completely being honest and understanding with ourselves. I have found that has really helped me prosper is writing my feelings out and then creating a diagram on things I know I have understanding and could give positive advice and have a conversation about it. But I also know my weaknesses are also another thing that I tend to beat myself up over but when I truly accept all of my flaws I feel like I am unstopped and can take on the world if I wanted to. I had to teach myself that things can always be possible if I keep putting myself through this journey because every journey has a process and sometimes that process can be long winded or it can be a short and sweet process. I feel like being confined in my life in my 30’s feels like somewhat of a setback but I know these setbacks are just temporary and I myself have the power to change my way of thinking but this is because I want to, I have had my ties where I have just self sabotaged my whole self being and feeling so defeated in the end. But no matter how hard it is to pick yourself back up it’s has to happen, I allow myself to have good cry because some times that’s all I need to do and then I pick myself back up and it’s not as easy it sounds. It’s so easy to tear ourselves down then building ourselves up it’s actually sometimes almost frightening, within these past few months I have felt my emotions become so intense and erratic my anxiety became just so overwhelming at times like functioning and being not wanting to lay in bed with the lights off happened to be on my mind heavy. I can’t say that I am anywhere near put together but I try my hardest and I am still leaning that things are going to take time and the little goals are important to live by also having the support that’s around you is another beneficial way to get to either your long or short term goals. Affirmations are something that are important to remind yourself daily or when you’re or feeling overwhelmed saying it or writing it on a mirror, making small little positive notes or listening to a podcast that helps with motivation. I can’t say that I know it all but I have learned how to cope so much better with my heavy emotions, being able to take it one day at time and find a little peace within our hearts and mind. Writing is another way I find my peace I am able to just let my words flow and express myself even more, I feel like when I write it’s like a different way of expressing how I am feeling on the inside. It’s so easy for me to just stay distant and keep to myself, shutting down is by far how I would cope with things and time to time I find myself still struggling with my own coping mechanisms. Everyday is literally a winding road with a different perspective and it’s up to myself to make my everyday my own and I can’t say that every will be a cake walk because life is full of curveballs but that’s what life is all about at times. I have always heard life is what you make it and I have to say that actually is a really true statement and also waking up on the wrong side of the beds can also be a thing. I try not to have such a horrible experience when getting up in the mornings but since waking up with migraines being the new normal I don’t really see things the same anymore but I still try stay positive and see things through.