Financial stress - maxed out and broken

I've seen an extremely varied financial climate since I was born in 1974. I've seen more good times than bad and luckily for me, I've just about broken even...so far.

I got on the property ladder in 2004 just before the prices went crazy and benefited with a 100% profit when I sold that house in 2011. Unfortunately that good luck was balanced out because my 'short term' rental turned into 11 years and over £80,000 in wasted money. I was self employed and found I couldn't get the mortgage I needed to move up the ladder, burned through the profits paying the massive rent and wound up with nothing to show for it.

Throughout my childhood my parents always struggled with money but we had what we needed for a comfortable life. We never had more than we needed but we had nice functional clothes, food in our bellies and a warm house to live in. They saved and planned for the future, eventually paying off their mortgage allowing them to live comfortably into retirement.

I'm extremely grateful for the sacrifices my parents made to provide my sister and I with that comfortable life. My own life in adulthood has mirrored theirs in many ways. Due to a combination of bad luck, mental illness and some questionable decisions (due to my mental health struggles) I've only just managed to keep my head above water financially.

Of course I've always dreamed of having money spare at the end of the month after all the essential bills have been paid. It's happened on occasion but without fail, that 'spare' money has been gobbled up by some emergency, depleting my savings and leaving me with no safety net.

A few years ago I changed my view on that subject. I was told by a wise old friend that I should be grateful the 'spare' money was there to cover the emergency rather than feel bad when it was gone. He was right of course.

I have friends with well paid jobs and all the benefits that plenty of money offers. They have big houses, fancy cars, two holidays a year and brand new clothes every time I see them. It's hard not to feel jealous of their lives when I'm wearing ten year old charity shops clothes, driving a twenty year old car with a quarter of a million miles on the clock and worrying about whether I can afford to buy that bottle of cooking oil this week. They have nice things but also they have so much more to lose than me.

The current financial crisis has opened my eyes to the truth. Yes I've never had more money than I needed and yes I'm in debt to the tune of two hundred grand but I've finally managed to get on the property ladder again after eleven years of saving for a deposit with a fixed and just about affordable mortgage. A lot of my friends are now in a difficult situation because their mortgages are set to rise massively and their energy bills have more than doubled. Even though they have ten times my income, they are still going to struggle, sometimes even more than me.

I'm in a much better position than them because I've always lived like this, never knowing if I'll be able to pay the bills each month. I'm primed and ready to tighten my financial belt again and make those sacrifices whereas they have become so used to all the luxuries, this is hitting them really hard mentally.

My grandad always told me I should never live beyond my means. Never be greedy, always be grateful for what I have and plan for the bad times as much as I can. He lived through a World war of course so he suffered hardships none of my generation will ever (hopefully) experience. That programmed his mind to make the most of whatever life threw at him.

It's a natural human reaction to want nice things if we can afford them (even if we can't, credit cards are far too convenient). We love to boost our serotonin and retail therapy is the perfect drug of choice for the average person. People surround themselves with things, wasting vast amounts of money on useless confetti which piles up around them but serves no purpose.

It's like refined white sugar. It tastes great but it has no nutritional value and the buzz is gone in seconds leaving us with a mental crash.

I've never spent money on anything I didn't need because I've never had much. I've got myself into debt on credit cards but only covering the emergencies that my modest earning didn't quite cover. I've never splashed out on something purely for pleasure, my expenditure has always been purely functional. I've always dreamed of buying nice things but it's not been possible.

Should we spend our every penny on things to make us happy with no regard to the future or live frugally and save for those unforeseen emergencies?

I'm hoping that my financial situation improves. Even if it does and I have spare money each month, I don't think I'll ever be able to allow myself to waste it on non-essentials. I've had to battle so many unforeseen and expensive circumstances over the years, that's just the way my brain is programmed.

I believe we should all save responsibly for the future. Living for the moment is irresponsible because when everything crumbles, someone else always has to take on the burden. That's selfish. I take full responsibility for my actions and my mistakes and would never want someone else to bail me out of a situation.

If all the world acted financially more responsibly, surely it would be a nicer place to live?