You Keep Using This Word ‘Freedom’

Welcome to the Home of the Brave and the Land of the Free.

Here is exactly what you are free to do on any of our stirring national holidays, Bruce. You are free to get drunk and burn the hamburgers on the grill. You and the Missus are free to hit the — ack — Independence Day, Memorial Day, Veterans' Day, and/or Presidents' Day sales at Walmart. You are also free to possibly blow your thumb off lighting one of the illegal cherry bombs you had Griffy pick up across the state line last week.

Here are a few of the things you and everyone you know are not free to do. Not this weekend. Not ever. Ready?

• Work your entire adult life and count on a secure retirement in your old age
• Access health care that doesn’t bankrupt you if you’re diagnosed with cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, an autoimmune disorder, diabetes, or — wait for it — Long Covid
• Live long enough to get to know any grandkids that might show up
• Know that wherever you live the water coming out of the kitchen faucet is safe to drink
• Remain securely employed until reaching what Social Security considers your full retirement age
• Know that Social Security will still be there for your kids even though you're paying into it with every paycheck
• Be secure in the knowledge that Bruce, Jr. and little Katie will be safe at school
• Expect that the value of your house will appreciate while you're still paying down the mortgage
• Rest assured that your elected representatives are acting in your family’s best interest

And, Bruce? This is not a comprehensive list. So, ease up on the red, white, and blue this year, k? That "news" you watch every night is not actually news, my friend.

You've heard of propaganda, right?

So, here’s a little secret that people in the United States of America — well, a lot of them anyway — don’t seem to be in on: We do not live in The Greatest Country in the History of the World. We are not free and any bravery we (and you, Bruce) possess is brought to bear in simply surviving one of the most rapacious and brutal forms of capitalism going.

Here’s another gem: The most powerful military in history hasn’t won a war since that dust-up in Europe and the South Pacific ended in 1945 (Grenada doesn't count). Yep, that’s your tax dollars at work, buddy. Thanks for doing your part to keep our never-ending cycle of wars grinding away around the world.

And thanks to Bruce Jr. for his future sacrifices to keep gas cheap and Raytheon Technologies flush with profits.

While we’re having this little heart-to-heart, Bruce, it’s time for you to seriously consider that vasectomy. Given how tough little Katie’s birth was it’s not a great idea for you to go knocking the Missus up again. What? You hadn’t heard? Bruce, you need to pay better attention to these current events, my friend. No more abortions for the Missus unless you’re ready to chance a fast trip to Libtard land. Oh, and that vasectomy? Yeah, we’re talking a $300 co-pay for that little number.

And, yes. It hurts.

So, yeah, crack open that Bud and add some charcoal to the grill. Enjoy your three days away from the grind. But stop with the putdowns of those poor socialist bastards in Europe. Most of them are about to head out for their four weeks of paid time away from work.

Read it and weep, Bruce.

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