Things *NEED* to Change

As someone who has first hand witnessed the brutality, magnitude, and community of the protest. Let me open with I am outraged without any outlet but my words, I am outraged for a variety of reasons.

But let me get this aside first. As a white female growing up in a predominantly white small town community I was constantly reminded that my world was extremely closed off and conservative. I was constantly shocked with that fact once I gained a little more knowledge. And to this day I find myself checking myself because of the way I was taught to grow up. So I am not innocent but I am trying to educate myself and the people I surround myself with. Change needed to be inevitable.

My beliefs are as follows, as are anyone’s with even half of a heart. The constituents to being a human require a beating heart, a pair of lungs or at least a lung, and a brain. And finally the ability to communicate in any type of way. That *includes* any skin color, sexual orientation, disability, or gender.

However, throughout history and continuing to today’s times that has apparently stayed irrelevant. In our time and the times before this, humans have not been created equal. For no other reason than a selfish corrupt society.

What needs to happen now? The group of so called “officials” cops and up the line need to sit down with the educated and observant oppressed. Talk, accept that what they have been doing is wrong. Accept that they have failed their people. Accept that they have no right to play god. And most importantly make the effort to change the broken and bigoted system.

How can I stand to say that? I have experienced first hand the brutal scenarios taking place at the initially peaceful protest. It was incredibly moving and monumental to me. There’s things that need to change before the generations that follow ours have to suffer. My boyfriend and I participated in a march that quickly turned violent when the cops maced the front row after shoving me. Luckily, I avoided the mace but my boyfriend did not. What unfolds next remains seared into my mind. He continued to film. We got separated. The moment I found him I screamed bloody murder in a way I don’t think I’ve ever screamed before. Because not only is he my kind hearted, loving boyfriend. He is the father of a child I didn’t know I was having, yes you heard that right. I had a child four months ago. He is the father of said child. And what I saw was truly horrific. He had had his face smashed into a brick wall, his face was gushing blood and he was shoved against a wall with zip ties so tight that he will scar because the police had dragged his unconscious body 1,000 feet. Without any knowledge or care if he was alive. Thankfully, when I finally saw him he was conscious and telling me to run and to call his father. I immediately turned and found a community ready and willing to help and make me laugh. I am eternally grateful for that. And enterally grateful that after fifteen grueling hours on the sidewalk staring at AR-15’s and cops taunting each and every one of us, with either jeers or laughter; I was able to run into the street and hug him. He was alive. He was okay. And I had him back. And I am lucky. He is lucky. And this is a problem.

It has now been a few days, and I can still hear my hummingbird heart rate in my ears. I can still see everything that unfolded before my eyes. I can still feel the father of my child going through it in his sleep. And I am angry. I am angry for selfish reasons, my family got hurt at the hands of an overzealous cop for filming.

*However* at the end of the day, I do not get to be mad. I do not get to be upset. I don’t get to hold the I’m a mom suffering from postpartum depression and a decade old eating disorder over this. I am *not* a special case. My boyfriend is *not* a special case. Our situation is *not* a special case. At least, not big picture.

What happened to us, is just an allusion of what has been broken for decades, I’d hazard to say from the start. A clear precedent, set forth by you and yours and those before you, that affects daily life of human beings of color that don’t fit your bill of deserving. A literal century old disgraceful ideal. Your inability to see this as younger generations beg for you to listen, to hear the voices of the oppressed, proves that your words are hollow and mean nothing. You will not take blame where blame is due and make changes, you will not step out without your bigotry blanket. And that means you are afraid. And you are no better than the real life villains we spend hours on in middle school. In less words, you are no better than Hitler. You cannot fathom acting like the adult your birth date claims that you are. The hypocrisy is blatant. When we’re kids (or at least when I was) we are taught if we do something wrong we apologize and change the behavior. If there’s a bully or a child acting out we are taught that that bully probably has a tough home life, that deep down he’s a good person but he’s afraid. We are taught kindness and standing up for what we believe in will change the world. (This, clearly, is a lie.) You have no business raising children or a younger generation when you’re constantly and consistently stuck in your ways. You cannot expect us, who were educated by YOU to be the change we want to see in the world, to go on the same way as you. That is childish and petty.

And that unfortunately is all I have seen. Treat others with the respect you want them to have for you, and that means, everyone. You do not get to choose our future and how we raise our prodigy’s. We want change. We want community. We want communication. We want EQUALITY. We want love.

But that’s not what you want is it?