Surviving the Realization that Your Parents are Sabotaging You

(And how this can help you survive the Trumpocalypse.)

Surviving the Realization that Your Parents are Sabotaging You

My parents were what I believe to be, relatively young, when they had me. I was their first born and of course, there's going to be mistakes - I don't think there's any parent that exists who is perfect.

Unfortunately, that's not the situation I grew up in. I did not grow up in mistakes. I grew up with my mother willfully abusing me, psychologically and physically, and my father enabling her until I was about 8, when he decided to outright abuse me.

I will say, I have made my peace with my father - he acknowledges his part in my abuse, regrets it deeply, and we've been rebuilding bridges there. I can accept that he is human, that he made a massive mistake there.

That does not change the fact, however, that I grew up with both parents willfully sabotaging my development. They were making decisions that did not have my best interest at heart by any means, and my mother - to the very moment I am typing this - will not only get extremely upset if I confront her, she will accuse me of what she has done and demand proof she will never be content with. (Sounds like somebody we know in the White House, but I'll get there in a second.)

It's not easy to get through the realization that someone who is supposed to have your best interests at heart, who is supposed to love you and take care of you, is in reality working against you. Regardless of who or what it is in question, the realization is never easy to have.

Having been chronically ill my entire life, honestly the only thing that got me through that particular part of my life was that, and YouTube life coaches who help Adult Child of Narcissists. (As my mother is, in fact, a Covert Narcissist - despite what she says.)

Arming myself with knowledge helped me feel better because I knew then, what reality was. And even now, if my mother finds this? She will likely look at me and tell me that I'm twisting her words in some fashion or not telling "her side." That's how deeply my mother likes to twist words - I can be accusing her of abuse, with plenty of receipts, and she finds something wrong with it, simply because it's not concrete and she has a loophole.

The most adorable, and the saddest, little M&M around.Now,

I am sure at this point you all are wondering the same thing: what does The Orange Menace have to do with ANY of this, Teagan? Well, think of it this way. Our government, specifically our president, is supposed to have our best interests at heart. And while many of us are marginalized and know that's like - NEVER - the real case, some of you reading this are not. Or, some of you have been raised sheltered like I was, and are going through the general grieving process of realizing that no, the world was not made for you.

(I grew up in the bubble of South Orange County, CA as a little white girl who thought I was straight and cis. Oh boy, I received SUCH a rude awakening once I ventured from that bubble; but it's a good thing that I did, as I needed that. If you're dealing with anything like that, embrace it as best you can.

It means you're realizing that the world may not be made for you, but it's also not made for other people in many other ways. Privilege is one hell of a drug, guys.

I have it, too. I didn't just magically lose it when I gained my Queer and Trans membership cards, or when I accepted the title of Spoonie. Privilege is hugely inter-sectional and I sure as shit, even as a Trans, Non-Binary, Disabled, Queer, Poor Millennial - have privilege.

If you're pissing and moaning right about now and you're white? Suck it up, Buttercup. If I, a little white non-binary, disabled, queer, and trans kid can, so can you. Taking a leaf out of a series of tweets by @kvxll, literally nobody is trying to tell you that your life cant be hard if you're white - just that your life is not hard BECAUSE you are white. BUT I DIGRESS AS THIS IS FOR ANOTHER POST I ASSURE YOU.)

Regardless of what brought you here, if you are struggling with this realization, I am going to share some words of wisdom. Trump is a Narcissist. Specifically, he is what is called an Overt Narcissist. Look it up, look up their habits and their playbook, and you will find a lot of the shit and behaviors he has shown ON TAPE.

Once you know that, you have him beat at least when it comes to your mental health. Because he, like every Narc, follows a playbook. It's not the SAME, but everything is just eerily similar once you notice this. You just have to become apathetic to his bullshit, which isn't the easy part because he's in office. Once you achieve that, you can stay ahead of his crap as best as you can. He's playing a mental game of checkers with you. All you have to do is start playing chess.

That motherfucker won't ever notice you've changed the gameboard and you, therefore, will have the advantage.

So, my fellow Astronauts in the universe that we call Life, it is not just you. No, Trump is fucking with your head, as is his administration and the people enabling him. He is gaslighting this country, using cognitive dissonance, and there's not much else we can do than call for impeachment to stop him from doing that, along with literally everything else he's been doing to the people of this country.

I AM NOT DIAGNOSING HIM WITH A MENTAL ILLNESS EITHER. I am not a doctor, but someone can be a Narcissist without Narcissistic Personality Disorder and diagnosing any kind of DISORDER from your couch only serves to hurt those of us with mental illnesses further rather than hurt someone like him.

Do not be quiet. Do not succumb to fear. If you have the ability to, speak up. Just do it smartly, because as stupid as he seems - this is all tactically done. Consider him stupidly clever and do not underestimate the shit he will do to gain his narcissistic supply, the lengths he would go to.

His tweets, they're put out to distract. The things he says and does are meant as diversionary tactics to make people pissed the fuck off about that rather than what we should and would be upset about had he not done that. It's not our fault, it's common among people like Trump.

Be strong. #Resist.

Teagan O'Toole
Teagan O'Toole
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Teagan O'Toole

27 | Angry Millennial | Pangender | Bad Crip | Intersectional Feminist | Spoonie | Queer | Demisexual

See all posts by Teagan O'Toole