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Secret Society Conspiracy Theories

by Ross E Fortune Lombardi about a year ago in opinion · updated 5 months ago

...and why I wish they were true. But they are not!

Secret Society Conspiracy Theories

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(and why I wish they were true.)

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Illuminati

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Rosarians

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Templars

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We all love the idea of secret societies trying to manipulate and control the world from the shadows.

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I honestly, passionately wish they were true!

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But they are not.

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Why do I feel I know this?

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Because of the inherent nature of us humans!

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Look at the ineptitude, backstabbing and conflict of interest in even the most stolid dictatorship with the fewest tiers of power!

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Or similarly look at a large group of people, all lifelong friends just trying to plan a weekend away!

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There is no way in hell we are competent enough to maintain any supper secret societies without turning the whole thing into a predicable badly scripted sitcom!

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Purley as an example,

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Yes, there may be Russian base collusion in world elections!

...Or there may not...

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But, Heads up!

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EVERY COUNTY democratic or otherwise is also doing the same dam thing!

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All the Dam time!

(Yes, even to allies!)

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All you can really blame any Russian lead interest for is perhaps being slightly more competent at it than us!

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Another an example might be the Russian business connections to the financing of for a (totally random example) Pro Brexit party agendas!

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Yes, it has almost certainly happened,

...Although I could be wrong...

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There may even be roughly sketched out plans going back decades.

... Maybe,

But ONLY maybe...!

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But that is in no way the same league as a fictional all-powerful secret sociality!

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Yes, there is corruption and collusion and dodgy dealings.

But it happens in both directions, simultaneously!

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An all-powerful Secret Society!

Is Never going to happen!

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I wish it was true!

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Why?

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Because that means there would be a level of regulation and control that would carefully measure every effect and stop things “Getting out of hand”!

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It would mean some super minded mastermind genius would have their foot ready on the brake pedal of potential snowballing chaos.

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But there isn’t.

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There are only some delusional super-rich people who fancy themselves a stylised Machiavelli,

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And a load of sycophants beneath them doing all in their power impress those above and climb that power ladder!

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There are deals, lose affiliations promises, unsaid truths and corruption.

(Although they might not see it as corruption because they do not feel laws and common morality apply to such members of elevated social status!)

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But there is NO secret Cabal of world power!

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The chances of any load of selfish, immature, self-entitled spoiled brats having any brotherhood like loyalty to each other?

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Absolute zero!

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Secret handshakes, tattoos, Phrase codes or meeting halls behind a fake bookcase, will exist because even a gang of 10-year olds can recognise a cool idea when they hear one.

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But those things are just theatre and at best a bluff and pretence at power and influence that does not exist!

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(I can now imagine some douche “wannabe” putting some cryptic comment below now to allude to such imaginary shit,)

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(If you are the sort that is tempted to do that, then don’t.)

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(It is super obvious and no amount of posting of mysterious symbols or text in ancient Sumerian will make it any less childish and douche!)

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I would love to wear a tinfoil hat and claim that a secret world power controlling everything has the reins of the fugitive wild horse team of power! .

Because that would be comforting.

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Instead, we are stuck with a load of selfish random people who think they are special with too much power and money, trying to grab and wrestle control of a team of wild horses from each other while very quickly heading for the edge of a cliff!

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“Oh, let us show how clever we are by destabilizing a country and make even more money that we cannot possibly spend!”

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Is like two ten-year-old boys saying,

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“Let us drink a crapload of my dad whisky to see what getting dunk feels like while playing with his gun collection and go joyride racing in his ATR buggy’s that has the roll cage removed!”

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The two levels of thinking are so similar that it barely counts as a metaphor anymore!

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It is just equally immature people being self destructively stupid!

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I am not frightened of an all-powerful secret society and their World mastery!

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Because if it could exist (which it never could) then that would be a good thing!

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I am worried about a mega-rich load of deluded overpowered, incompetent arse hats playing at world mastery, writing cheques their little minds can not cash!

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Because of the lack of competence and control, they actually have, compared to what they think they have is a recipe for things “Getting totally out of hand”!

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It is a recipe for disaster on a global scale!

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!

MEANWHILE....

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Dear, Rosicrucians

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If the Rosicrucians want me as a member,

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FUCK OFF!

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Please be aware that Ross Lombardi is constantly inundated with constant approaches by various several societies,

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And you have no fucking chance so do not even bother to waste my time!

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NOTE!

Your group does not “Make the cut” and achieve the high standard of performance required!

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You are not even slightly close!

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Yours

Ross Lombardi.

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ALSO...

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Dear, Illuminati

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If the Illuminati want me as a member,

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I would welcome the submission of their application,

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After which they have no need to keep contacting me.

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I will let you know,

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If the Illuminate’s representatives are fortunate enough to get past the application stage and be granted the honour of an interview then they will be contacted within 3 months of the application receipt.

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Please be aware that Ross Lombardi is constantly inundated with constant approaches by various secret societies,

So your patience while your application is reviewed would be much appreciated!

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If your secret society is offered any position,

They will only be accepted for an initial 3-month trial period to assess their performance!

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NOTE!

You are not entitled to any explanation to how or why the association with Mr Ross Lombardi might have been terminated in the likely event your group does not “Make the cut” and achieve the high standard of performance required!

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Yours

Ross Lombardi. ...

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My secret origin story.

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While a young student visiting a cutting-edge crap circus laboratory,

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I was bitten by an escaped radioactive annoying twat!

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Days later after feeling woozy, I awoke as

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TWAT-BOY!

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With the ugly looks of a hairy fat bastard and the inane dull powers of a total immature twat.

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But with absolutely no power comes absolutely no responsibility.

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So, I spend my time secretly doing pretty much fuck all until my very average total twat abilities are called upon to achieve absolutely nothing!!

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VILLAINS OF THE WORLD BEWARE!

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Because there may be someone, I suppose, that might be out there to stop you,

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But it ain't me!

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SHMOO!

opinion

About the author

Ross E Fortune Lombardi

Writer. Gamer, Goth

A (Constantly Failing To Be Funny) satirist!

[email protected]

Mutare non est meum

Cantus moriar

BLOG:

http://lombot.co.uk

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