Our Pain is NOT Your Pain

In 2016, when it was projected that Trump won the election, I was sitting in a room with other first-time voters; all of which from my memory were queer in some capacity. Earlier that day we had voted with pure excitement, honored to be taking part in our democracy and ever sure that the winners within that system would be those who sought to defend it. That is to say, we were sure that Donald Trump and his anti-democratic hateful speech towards half of our citizens had already guaranteed his loss.

I remember watching the results come in and the constantly full glass of wine I drank from more vigorously the closer we got to an answer. I left my friend's apartment feeling numb and very drunk. Later that night, I am not ashamed to say, I cried myself to sleep; not because Hillary Clinton lost; I honestly could've done without, but because the man that won had already shown so much disdain for so many. I can't imagine how much worse it felt to be black, Jewish, Muslim, transgender, an immigrant, or any of the other many groups that suffer on average far more hate even without Trump than I have ever faced myself.

Many woke up on November 9th in 2016 with no good answer as to what would happen to them next. Trump had ignited and called to action a group of Americans who inherently hated America: that is to say the America I know; the one that welcomes the immigrant, cares for the rights of all people, and constantly seeks justice, even when it is inconvenient (I, of course, learned with time that that America never quite existed). The Americans Trump ignited are self-serving isolationists who believe only Americans matter enough to be considered and only certain Americans are "true Americans" meaning white and Christian enough to be here, or at least that those groups should receive first voice and a right to veto.

It was, at its simplest, the pain of knowing that the country voted for a man who disagreed with the very existence of certain Americans as people worth considering. A non-exhaustive list includes: non-white people, LGBTQIA+, immigrants, non-Christians, the poor, the college-educated, the middle-class, free-thinkers, people with disabilities, democrats, journalists, and those who voted against him or advise him against any behavior he is currently partaking in. It was a pain based in very real, and as we now know, very legitimate fear that we would be in more danger now than we had ever been before in modern times. Many of our fellow Americans were in fact shot to death, pepper-sprayed until their lungs gave out, violently killed on their walk home, or simply left to die of COVID-19; alone, without a soul to stay with them while they passed. He takes no responsibility... for any of it.

In 2020, just days ago, Donald Trump lost his chances at a second term to Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. In fact, he lost with voter turnout at an all-time high; and Biden won by the most votes ever in a presidential election.

I'll give a hint to those struggling to understand how this is possible. Joe Biden isn't the best candidate that has every existed. Donald Trump was just a candidate so horrible that Americans stood up in droves, black women especially, to protect our democratic system and make voting possible for as many people as they could. Turns out, it was just enough.

Now Trump supporters/voters are very sad. The people who burned effigies of Barrack Obama in the streets, who yelled about loving the taste of liberal tears as they marched around polling places with AR-15's and threatened the lives of ballot counters, who told us to f*ck our feelings... they're crying.

More so, they're asking for empathy because, "we're feeling just like you guys did in 2016," but I'm here to tell you, regardless of what side y0ur on that that is simply not true. Biden, unlike Trump, has not called for those who stood against him to be threatened... or beaten... or jailed. He hasn't talked down to the other side. He hasn't sought to frame Trump's followers as terrorists. His supporters have not marched through town squares holding torches yelling that certain lives don't matter or certain groups should be killed. White supremacy, or any other supremacy, had not risen to levels found startling by the FBI while Biden was in politics.

In fact, he took the time to say that he wants to be Trump's opposite: a president for all the people, a president who stands for those who voted for him AND against him. We were afraid for our lives, with pretty decent reason, and rather than reassure us and make sure that our fears didn't come to fruition, you mocked us. You had the power and acted like children. Now we have it and you want us to take pity...

And I hope we do. Your pain isn't the pain and fear we felt, but still, you are our fellow Americans. I hope we can follow Michelle Obama's example and take the high road when you took the low. Lift you up when you knocked us down; defend the safety and decency of your families in political endeavors when you didn't do so for so many of us. I hope we do better, and I hope you aren't so deeply locked in his cult that you don't see it.

We are a country fractured in a way it likely hasn't been since the civil war; so divided we don't even agree on what is and is not a fact. I for one plan on trying to stitch the tears in the fabric of our nation back together, understanding that we can't be a proper America until we are all treated equally; treating hateful opinions as mere silliness worth laughing at once again. Please, take your time to mourn, and when you're done I hope you'll join me.