Moscow's Calling - 11

Part 2 for Benjamin, a future superstar of American neuroscience. Keep rising!

Putin is in The Hague on trial for the war crimes. The judge is addressing him, “Is there anyone who could testify to your good character, Mr. Putin?”

“President Putin for you, Judge Smith.”

“Not anymore, you are not. The people of Russia have risen up, deposed you, and voted to strip you of all titles and privileges. Then they sent you here.”

“President is a title for life.”

“Not according to Russia's new Constitutional amendment. Again, the people of Russia have voted, Mr.Putin.”

“If you say so” (begrudgingly).

“I will repeat my question: Is there anyone who could testify to your good character, Mr.Putin?”

“I had a friend who could do that, but I'm afraid he is presently unavailable.”

“Really? And who is that friend, Mr.Putin?”

“You know very well who that friend is, Judge. You've put him behind bars.”

“I’ve put many people behind bars. For the record, Mr.Putin, state your friend's name.”

“President Donald John Trump.”

“I see, another disgraced public official. I'm afraid his testimony would not help your case. So, there's no one else who could say a good word for you? Not a single person?”...

***

Putin bolted in his bed, waking up from the nightmare, “Oh my lord, what a dream! I need to call Donnie” (places the call on a secure line). “Hello, Donnie?”

“Yes, Vlad! I was just thinking about you, hoping you’d call.”

“Really? Why?”

“I just needed to talk to a friend.”

“Oh, OK. Me too.”

“Really? Why?”

“I think your nightmare the other day was contagious.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had one of my own. It was pretty bad.”

“Really? Tell me.”

“I was in The Hague and Jack Smith was the judge on my case of war crimes and crimes against humanity.”

“No way! The Deranged Jack Smith? The one that brought two federal cases against me?”

“Yes, that’s the one.”

“How could he try you? He is an American, why would he prosecute the Russian president, as great for Russia as you are?”

“Didn’t you know that he served on the International Criminal Court, prosecuting war crimes in Kosovo?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“C’mon Donnie, even I’ve seen a ton of his pictures wearing the ICC purple robe.”

“I really didn’t know that. What’s ICC?”

“International Criminal Court, Donnie, sitting in The Hague. That’s where all the cases involving the crimes against humanity and war crimes are tried.”

“Oh, really? I didn’t know that! So that purple robe is not a clown robe then, as I thought?” (both chuckle)

“Unfortunately, no. It’s the ICC robe, and I have to admit Jack Smith looked really good in it.”

“Well, I don’t know about that.”

“But no, really, very prosecutorial.”

“So, what did he do in your dream, Vlad?”

“He asked me if I had someone who could testify to my good character.”

“And what did you say?”

“I said I had a friend, but he wouldn’t testify.”

“Why? What kind of a friend is that, Vlad? Who would refuse to testify for you?”

“A good friend, actually, and not that he’d refuse, at least I hope not. He just wouldn’t be able to testify.”

“But why?”

“It was you, Donnie.”

“What? No! Why wouldn’t I testify for you, Vlad? Was I dead in your dream?”

“No. Worse. You were in prison.”

“That is worse than dead, true. At least for me. Prison is worse than death. Who put me there?”

“Jack Smith.”

“The Deranged Jack Smith?”

“He is the one.”

“But how is that even possible? If he is judging you, how could he have put me in jail?”

“It’s a dream, Donnie. But even in the dream it’s possible: He first sent you to jail and then was called to the ICC again to judge me.”

“But how did you get to The Hague?”

“He said that the people of Russia rose up, deposed me and voted to turn me to the ICC.”

“Is it even possible?”

“Anything is possible in a dream, Donnie. I must admit, it was very…” (searching for a word not to look weak) “unpleasant.”

“I can imagine. That guy’s face is so disgusting I can’t even look at it!”

“It’s not about his face, Donnie. I actually think Smith’s face is quite distinguished. I wish a guy like that worked for me. He’d scare the shit out of everyone.”

“Not me! I’m not scared of him! I just hate him so much!”

“I know, Donnie, I know. Not me, though” (sighs dreamily).

“Speaking of distinguished, did you see my mug shot from Georgia, Vlad?” (proudly)

“Of course, I did. I don’t use the Internet and even I know it’s everywhere on the Internet.”

“Did you like it?”

“Should I like it?”

“I think you should. I like it. I’m using it as my campaign photo now.”

“And why do you like it, Donnie?”

“Because I look strong, distinguished and stern in it. Very strong and scary. Like, don’t you dare put me in jail or prosecute me, the American people’s favorite president!”

“Oh, alright then.”

“You don’t sound sure, Vlad. Don’t you like it?”

“You know someone on the Internet said that picture of you is like if you ask AI to create an image of a cartoon villain but make it look like a real person.”

“Really?” (chuckles) “I love it!”

“Do you? But why?”

“People are afraid of villains. I want my enemies to be afraid of me. And I look thin, stern and distinguished in that shot. I even used it to re-start my Twitter… or should I say, X account.”

“So I’ve been told. Are you going to stop truthing and start axing now?”

“What?”

“Will you stop using your Truth Social account and move to Twitter again?”

“Aaah, I haven’t decided yet. I don’t want to quit Truth Social. Maybe I’ll let my campaign twit for me. Jason Miller thinks it’s a great idea.”

“Well, I can’t say anything about that, Donnie. You know I always hated when you twitted, especially when it involved us. But now I don’t really care” (sighs heavily).

“What’s on your mind, Vlad?”

“I’ve lost someone who was dear to me the other day.”

“Oh. I hope it’s not someone you loved.”

“You may say so. I really cared for him.”

“Him??? I thought it was a woman, like one of your secret loves you don’t tell me about.”

“No, they are all fine. It’s Prigozhin.”

“Your cook?”

“Well, yes, a long time ago. But he was so much more than that. And then he betrayed me.”

“Didn’t his plane blow up?”

“Yes, the other day.”

“I saw it on TV. Quite a sight. All that smoke and plane parts flying in the air. Quite a sight. Was it an accident?”

“Who knows? The investigation can go on for months.”

“I thought you’d know if it was an accident.”

“What are you saying, Donnie? That I’d kill one of my bestest dogs?”

“Don’t you do that to the dogs that go rabid, Vlad?”

“Yeah, I guess. I miss him, though. He has done a lot for me.”

“Can I do something for you, Vlad? Just don’t kill me after” (both chuckle).

“That was a good one, Donnie. No, not really. But thanks for listening. I have to go now, duty calls.”

“Oh, alright. Good talk, Vlad. Call me any time when you need me.”

“I will, Donnie. Bye.”

“Bye, Vlad.” After hanging up, “He really loved his cook, it seems. Makes me a little jealous.”