Why I don’t shop designer & boutique fashion anymore…

Today, I got a jolt on Instagram while viewing a Diet Sabya story. They are unwavering, brave fashion commentators who call out copies, and rip offs across the fashion and entertainment industry.

Why the jolt? They were covering Fat Tax and I was reminded of an incident where I experienced veiled fat-shaming. I am a size M/L on a good day and an XL on a bad one; in double digits a size 10–12/14.

First, let’s cover what’s Fat Tax. Its a term loosely denoted to when “brands” and “designers” charge more for a piece of clothing for a plus size individual. Mind you, plus size according to them. For example, a size 10 woman is considered plus size in some “boutiques” and “designer studios”.

Onto story time, in 2015, I was excitedly shopping for my reception attire with my sister in law, K. We had boutique hopped throughout the day and didn’t find anything eye-catching. Then we decided, why not give the most “happening” boutique of the town a go, maybe we would be lucky enough to find something in our price range.

We enter and two young women slowly get up from their places and walk towards us giving us the once over. We were dressed normally in jeans and a top and flats. They seem to have already drawn a conclusion since their body language and posture changed ever so slightly.

The staff at boutiques and designer studios are known for their snooty attitude, so we kind of expected this and were prepared. They asked how they could help us and we said we were looking for reception wear and would like to browse the collection.

Now K is around 5'3 and has a shapely size 8–10 figure, me on the other hand, I am 5' and curvy but not overly so, a size 10–12 figure, at least at that time. They naturally assumed she was the bride and asked her what style she wanted — strike one. They could have easily avoided this by asking a simple question — which of you is the bride? See, didn’t even take a min.

K corrected them and pointed to me, declaring moi as the bride. I guess they had a brief moment of salvation when they thought K was the bride, upon realising that I was the bride, all hope was lost. They didn’t say so out loud, but it was quite obvious from their expressions.

I pulled up my big girl pants and went about browsing their collection. One of the young women closely followed. Now, I don’t mind being assisted while shopping but a bit of breathing space would have been great. But, no luck, I ignored this and continued.

I came upon a beautiful piece- an aquamarine lehenga that I thought I would look good in. I go to take it off the cloth stand and the young woman pounces on it and says, “ Allow me, ma’am.” She takes it out, looks at the size and declares that it wasn’t my size. I was disappointed. I longingly looked at the lehenga and couldn’t shake the feeling that the lehenga would fit if I just tried it on.

I asked the young woman the size of the lehenga and was smugly told size 10. I triumphantly smiled and exclaimed, “ I am a size 10.” I kid you not, she looks me over in disbelief and asks, “ Are you sure?”. My smiles dims a bit but the excitement of trying on the lehenga won. I nodded and headed towards the trial room.

Big mistake! I don’t know in which part of the world that was a size 10 because it wouldn’t close, with a distance of a palm between both ends of the lehenga blouse. I doubted myself for a moment, “ Am I a size 10 for real?” I shook off the doubt, got back into my clothes and came out of the trial room determined to look for collections in my size alone to avoid further disappointment.

I hand back the lehenga and inform the young woman that it’s a size smaller and if they have the next size. Their answer blew me away - this was, in fact, their largest size. A size 10 was their largest size?! What the ever-loving f*** was going on?

K and I looked at each other in disbelief, while the young woman stood there smugly. To be honest, I should have drop-kicked the smug smile off her face, but I was too stunned.

Thinking I must have heard wrong for sure, I asked her for collections in the next size. You know when people try to insult you while smiling, that’s exactly what she did. She gave us her best smile and proceeds to tell us that they don’t stock sizes above 10 and the ones in the shop are runway pieces.

Runway pieces?! Why would they stock sizes that are normally seen on the runway and not among normal women. We were mind blown! We walked out, and frankly I regret walking out without giving them a piece of my mind. I know it makes no sense yelling at staff but the amount of disbelief and frustration and shaming we experienced would have justified the yelling.

When I read the Diet Sabya story, that incident came rushing back. As I kept reading more and more on the amount of shaming and discrimination women faced when they didn’t belong to a cookie cutter size ideal, the more incidents I faced kept popping up in mind.

It had become a norm that I didn’t notice anymore and that was unacceptable. With designers and brands irresponsibly selling plus size clothing for higher price and giving it the fat tax excuse, its time to speak out. And the ridiculous excuse that, plus size clothing required more fabric and more hours to be produced, justified the higher prices is mind-boggling.

With that excuse, were the skinny people charged lower since according to their twisted logic, it would require lesser fabric and fewer hours in production. Obviously not, since smaller sizes played right into the toxic mindset and industry standard they would like to hold women to.

First off, who decides which sizes are plus or minus? How is a size 14 plus size when, in fact, an average woman may buy a dress in a size 14. Who is this size police and which size university did they graduate?

Just writing this, my blood boils with frustration and anger. Is this the size standard we are going to hold our young girls to? Is it any wonder, that there is an increase in disorders like body dysmorphia, anorexia, depression and even bullying among peer groups.

With industry fashion leaders and magazines carelessly promoting an ideal body type, young girls and boys across the globe hold themselves and their peers to impossible standards. Isn’t it enough that you eat healthy, exercise enough to stay healthy and not run after unrealistic body standards?

It’s time we hold brands, designers and media responsible for the way they portray body image standards around the world. Call out, speak up and discuss.