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The signs that made me realise I wasn't crazy but had ADHD

And what that meant for the people around me...

By Megan KingsburyPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 17 min read
Top Story - March 2022
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art by Mary Grace Heartlein

What is ADHD?

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and is often diagnosed at a young age where symptoms are most often exhibited. However, for people like myself where the symptoms were missed or put down to being a part of my personality it led to being diagnosed as adult ADHD.

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that includes a combination of symptoms such as difficulty paying attention, hyperactivity and impulsive behaviour. With ADHD no two people are the same; some may have trouble focussing under only certain circumstances, some seek stimulation, and some can withdraw from social situations whilst others seek social interaction.

ADHD can seem scary, even overwhelming, especially when you’re not diagnosed at a young age, believe me I know, but I have come to learn it’s not something to be afraid or embarrassed of as it contributes to my creative, crazy, 'bubbly' personality and ability to be empathetic. Symptoms and signs are often migrated into the fabrics of lifestyle and can be tricky to pick up on. When I learnt that I had ADHD I begun to connect so many signs, symptoms, quirks, habits and even problems to myself, that I had actually started to think were signs that I had a few screws loose upstairs.

For almost all my life I knew that there wasn’t something right with me. Every time I got to a ‘manic’ stage I was told to calm down and when I couldn’t I was in heaps of trouble. I was shunned by a lot of people and both family and friends were unaware of the reasons as to why I was the way I was.

Mostly, friends were very unempathetic to the things that I did and the way that I was, and to this day, even with the knowledge that I have ADHD I have friends in my life who don’t try to understand or respect what that means for me and in turn they have found it easier to just cut me off.

The truth is, ADHD is fairly common, 6.76% of adults worldwide, that’s 366.33 million adults were recorded as being affected by ADHD in 2020. Despite this, the diagnoses is barely talked about, and the really common and normal signs aren’t in turn recognised.

So, here are some of the signs, symptoms, quirks, habits and problems that I discovered for myself were down to having ADHD. Whether you can personally relate, or recognise this in someone else, I hope this article can give you a bit of insight.

1. Having too many thoughts

You know when you're in a café trying to study but then you realise that you chose to study in Starbucks at lunch time and the place is filled with a hundred and one voices and conversations all at once, some you hear clearly, and some are muffled in the background and all you want is to hear one thing…? Yeah, that’s my brain 24/7. I’ll be sitting having a conversation with someone, full swing when out of nowhere my brain is diverted to a completely unrelated topic and suddenly that takes precedence as I change topic of conversation completely, but then get distracted by something in the room that reminds me of something I have to do and if I don’t do it then and there it will never get done, but before I can get it done that thing that I was talking about five days ago comes back to me and I have to tell that person I’ve worked out what I was trying to say. Yeesh. That’s why someone with ADHD can be talking at 500 miles per hour and jump between topics like they’re competing in the 500 meter hurdles. Because of this people with ADHD can own several hundred notebooks with several hundred scribbles and notes inside them – we need to put these thoughts somewhere!

2. Overanalysing

Like the Sherlock Holmes that we are, our hyperactive brains are very good at overanalysing everything that is said and done, making us sometimes impossible to cope with as we replay 4,000,605 possibilities and see only one where we win… and it’s not the one that happened. Believe me, it’s exhausting. Although, at the same time it does make us fairly perceptive…

3. RSD – Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

People with ADHD more often than not suffer from something called: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). People who suffer from RSD are hypersensitive to what people say or think about them. Some of the signs include:

• Being easily embarrassed

• Getting very angry or having an emotional outburst when they feel like someone has hurt or rejected them

• Setting high standards for themselves they often can't meet

• Having low self-esteem

• Feeling anxious, especially in social settings

• Having problems with relationships

• Staying away from social situations and withdraw from other people

• Feeling like a failure because they haven't lived up to other people's expectations

• Sometimes think about hurting themselves

-RSD website link-

These episodes of RSD are intense but don’t last long. They can be a contributing factor to why people find it difficult to maintain relationships with people who have ADHD, especially if they suffer badly from RSD. I definitely do and it has contributed immensely to many arguments in my teenage years.

4. An overwhelming amount of unwanted energy

People with ADHD have what is known as “under-stimulated” brains which can make us restless and full of unwanted energy. With that we can fidget more, have restless leg syndrome and in particular, for children, have ‘manic’ phases that seem unprovoked. My mum would actually have to take me for walks and unleash me in a grassy field so I could run around and release the energy. This energy also makes sitting still to watch a movie near to impossible; always needing to satisfy our physical energy by doing something like drawing, fidgeting, or getting up and down from our seats for those unnecessary tasks that are suddenly deemed important, all in order to give your body something to do.

The reason we have more energy when in fact we are under-stimulated is because our brains are constantly seeking stimulation which creates a form of 'aggitation' that is transerred into unwanted energy.

It’s also why you’ll find that people with ADHD can be pretty fast walkers.

5. Boredom/Chronic Boredom

Because of the under stimulation that comes with ADHD, we are always looking for things that are new, challenging, interesting or stimulating. If we find something interesting the executive functions of our brain click into place and our bodies and minds start to function. But because of this, people with ADHD fear and avoid boredom because when nothing is stimulating our brain and keeping uncontrollable energy occupied it can start to physically hurt.

Thanks to this people with ADHD often have a multitude of hobbies and interests as we struggle to maintain enough interest in one hobby or it’s to keep our lives full of interesting, new and exciting challenges and continuously active.

For some people, myself included, the fear of boredom can also make us workaholics, continuously striving for projects and overworking to the point of burnout.

6. Auditory Processing Issues

Have you ever said something to someone, they reply with “What?”, you repeat what you said but the person starts to respond to what you have just said whilst you are in the middle of repeating it? It’s pretty annoying sometimes I know, but that’s because people with ADHD process something that’s been said at a slower pace, so when they say “what?” they probably have heard what you’ve said but they can’t answer you as their brain is taking longer to work out what you have just said and that’s why they start to answer whilst you’re repeating. This of course can start the paradoxical argument of “Why did you ask me to repeat if you actually heard me…?”. It’s not easy to answer that question.

Concentrating on long speeches is also super challenging thanks to the Attention Deficit part of ADHD. We’ve become experts at adjusting our expressions to respond to someone’s monologue, whilst zoned out and not listening, based on the person’s tonality whilst talking. Throwing in the odd “Ohhh” “Uh huh” and “No way” to make it actually sound like we are fully there and then tuning in just in time to understand what has been said.

7. Hyper-everything

It’s in the name – Hyperactivity. We have a hypersensitivity to a lot of things, but it’s not like we’re werewolves where we have super-hearing, it’s actually a sensory overload and incapability of shutting out other senses in order to focus on the one thing. For example, I can’t hear someone who’s talking right in front of me because I can hear a barely audible (completely inaudible to others) buzz coming from something in the room next door. In order to focus on the conversation I have to find a way to get rid of the noise.

Above anything, it’s annoying not cool.

People with ADHD also have the ability to “hyperfocus”. This is a phenomenon that encompasses the ability to become completely absorbed in a task/thought to the point where you can appear completely zoned out and unable to notice people/situations right in front of you. I get this a lot in my job; when I am on the computer doing admin work a colleague will be standing in front of me asking me to pass them something, saying my name several times, very clearly, but I simply won’t hear them.

This ability to hyperfocus/zone out can lead to other symptoms such as time blindness (loosing the sense/awareness of time) and in some more serious cases maladaptive daydreaming.

Maladaptive daydreaming is a serious daydreaming disorder where someone experiences intense and highly distracting daydreams which can cause disengagement with the task or people in front of them. I definitely daydream a lot, but I can’t say that I have had personal experience of maladaptive daydreaming.

8. Executive Dysfunction

We’ve all misplaced our keys before going out the house and started on a project and not quite finished it, but with ADHD this happens frequently and chronically. Executive Dysfunction is when the brain has a hard time with attention and memory meaning that people who suffer from it will often start several tasks and won’t complete them and persistently lose things and forget where they have put their belongings. This isn’t a diagnosis but rather a set of symptoms associated with ADHD. These symptoms can include:

• Frequently misplacing school/work materials and daily tools

• Find it challenging to get started on tasks even if it’s something you want to do

• Start on several different tasks and complete none of them

• Struggle with multitasking and time management

• Forget appointments

Personally I can only relate to the first three, however, I know from a friend with ADD that the last two are definitely very common.

9. Object Permanence – Out of Sight, Out of Mind

People with ADHD struggle to locate things around them if it isn’t in plain sight, if things aren’t in our sight, they aren’t on our mind. Things like, opening a cupboard door, you get the stuff you need and turn away and -poof- the problem is out of sight, so it isn’t in our mind and we forget to close the door. My room has often fallen into chaos, but I have always called it an “organised mess”. This is because I will always know where everything is, but as soon as things are put away I will struggle to find my things again and even forget that I own something. Unfortunately that can happen with people too, if you don’t see a friend very often they are another part of your life that becomes out of sight out of mind. This sometimes happens to me, and it happened once in front of another friend where I actually double backed, “How could I have forgotten them?!”

10. Body Focussed Repetitive Behaviours (BFRB)

This one is definitely very unusual and weird… BFRB is a diagnoses that, as the name suggests, incorporates body focussed habits such as nail biting, skin picking, hair pulling and cheek biting that is difficult to control. This isn’t ADHD specific; it happens in many other cases, but because people with ADHD are also dopamine-deficient, the fidgeting acts - that come from the overwhelming energy - are sometimes channelled into fidgeting with the body rather than objects. These repetitive behaviours can relieve stress, can produce feelings of success from a goal-oriented activity and serve as a way to get “dopamine hits” making you feel more grounded. When something isn’t there to help release your energy through fidgeting, your body becomes the next best alternative. From there, forms these difficult to break habits. I confess that I bite my nails when stressed, fidget with my hair a lot and during my depression I would actually pick my eyelashes.

11. ADHD Food Sensitivities

Just like all the other senses, taste is heightened too, as well as some people’s tolerance for certain food like dairy and wheat. But like everything, this isn’t the case for everyone.

Have you also ever wondered why people with ADHD may have excessive cravings for sugar or carbs? Well, it’s down to the ADHD brain having a dopamine deficiency and in turn a decreased glucose metabolism assisting in the low energy levels and the need to find stimulation. The low dopamine levels need glucose to level out both the dopamine and serotonin so that the brain can experience calm, and this can be found in sugary foods and carbohydrates as they are converted into glucose. You may find people with ADHD indulge in pasta and cookies a little more as our brains demand these foods. Chocolate is also very appealing because it has the effects of both increasing glucose levels and added stimulation of caffeine. Not helpful for when I’m trying to diet…

12. Sleep Difficulties

As you can imagine with continuous restlessness, hyperactive senses and a mind that won’t shut up because of having under stimulated brains, people with ADHD rarely find it easy to fall asleep. The mental and physical restlessness disturbs the sleep patterns which often starts around puberty; sleeping late and getting up early for school, which can help with developing sleep disorders such as insomnia and children are more likely to experience nightmares. I personally have challenging sleeps, but it’s not down to insomnia but rather something called ‘delayed phase syndrome’ meaning my body clock is about 2 hours behind everyone else’s.

Also, did you know that people with ADHD often have a lot of coffee because caffeine helps to balance out the under stimulated brain, which means that caffeine can actually make us tired as it supplies stimulation to the same level as a ‘normal’ brain giving us calm and with the lack of energy seeking stimulation we feel a sort of ‘zen’ and become sleepy.

13. Impulsive and Expensive

Impulsivity being a primary symptom of ADHD impairs our ability to sometimes stop and think of the consequences of our actions. This can make it tricky to be in relationships, but also isn’t the best friend to our bank account. These impulsive urges are often channelled through impulsive buying. Which is the last thing we need as being ADHD is already expensive for some people who need to seek medical care and/or therapy as well as the added out-of-pocket costs for small nick-nacks like fidget spinners that add up extensively.

14. Work, School and Study

There are a few annoying habits/regular scenarios that crop up at work or school, studying or even working on a project. At work and school, apart from the difficulty to hold your attention through an hour long lecture, there are silly little regular habits that occur, such as:

• Careless mistakes

• Taking on too much responsibility

• Working on projects/tasks that are only due the next day

• Getting easily side tracked

This image below also shows the challenging cycle for someone with ADHD trying to sit down and study… at least, from my own experience and others with ADHD.

The cycle of ADHD Study by Megan Kingsbury

15. ADHD Comedy

I’ve never understood my sense of humour. I really don’t find dad jokes funny, but one day my dad will say a joke and I will be in hysterics. Or my mum will innocently react to something and I’m creasing over. Or some unexpected morbid conclusion comes out of something that started off really happy-go-lucky and I can’t stop laughing whilst everyone else is poker face and I struggle to explain to them why I found that funny.

I discovered after watching a TikTok that ADHD humour is boiled down to something a lot simpler:

“Stark Abrupt Chaos”

- big_al_the_dangerous

In short, being under stimulated has the side effect of our brains being constantly active, constantly thinking, analysing and problem solving (see point 2) which makes normal comedy predictable. Stark abrupt chaos can’t be predicted nor analysed which is why people with ADHD often have an unusual sense of humour… like me!

16. Relationships

The symptoms of ADHD can make it hard for people living with the condition to make or maintain lasting friendships. This can be a contributing factor of both the symptoms being difficult to handle and potential misunderstandings that come from the behaviour of the symptoms. These challenges can include:

Feeling overwhelmed:

With a lot of things going on in your life, alongside dealing with symptoms of ADHD, paying attention/keeping friends on your mind can be overwhelming, leading to shutting down and/or not engaging as much. Friends can sometimes feel frustrated and upset under the misconception that you don’t care about them. Overwhelming feelings can also cause people with ADHD to ignore text messages and can’t bring themselves round to answering.

Getting Bored:

Boredom can leak into friendships, it sounds harsh, but sometimes people with ADHD can get bored of doing the same things with the same people and it can become challenging to enjoy their company and they find it easier to lose focus/attention when around them, or even get agitated with small annoyances. This is why people with ADHD tend to take time away from friends and people can take that as a malicious act.

Anxiety and Depression:

Anxiety disorders and depression are hard to cope with alone; isolation, mood swings, anxious with social interactions, heightened RSD (see point 3) and, in particular with adults, these conditions can put added strain on relationships especially if people don’t understand what you are going through.

17. What people don’t see

People who have ADHD, in particular those who were diagnosed as an adult, have had their symptoms and behaviours misunderstood before the diagnosis and in turn have been talked down to, been told to calm down and even been told that there is something wrong with them or on the flip side that what they are experiencing is nothing more than what everyone else has gone through. Unfortunately these misunderstandings can have lasting effects on people with ADHD (much like many other conditions) as certain symptoms are already heightened from the condition and worsened by the misunderstandings of people around them, such as: RSD, depression and/or anxiety, unhealthy attachments, low self-esteem, self-doubt and perfectionism/hyper attention to detail – sometimes to avoid making mistakes.

No two people are the same

These are a few of the signs that made me realise that the things that I did were actually completely normal for people with ADHD and that there is help out there for people with ADHD to assist with the corners that are challenging, overwhelming or hinder day-to-day activities in anyway. Because I have had people in my life leave me due to the results of having ADHD I wanted to share a few of the normal, integral signs and symptoms I have discovered I have from being diagnosed with ADHD, how knowing these signs helped me to understand more about me and understand that what I think and how I feel are completely normal.

Like all conditions no two people are the same, what I experience might not be the same for others, but I hope that these can also help you or someone you know understand a little better what people are going through, what people do and why people do it when they have ADHD.

art by Dani Donovan

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About the Creator

Megan Kingsbury

Author 📝Actress 🎭 and Film Director 📽️ by day

Animation 🎬 fanatic by night

Cosplayer 🖌️🪡 all the way in between

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