The Day I Tried To Live
A song by Soundgarden gave me the strength to come out of a very dark place with just a light spark.
There is a special song by Soundgarden called “The Day I Tried To Live”. This particular song that was born from the Grunge scene of Seattle lifted me up from depression back in the late 2000s. The simple message of the song and how life can be a drag made me realize that one must move on and keep going. No matter at what cost, your soul has to keep going and try to live one day at a time.
The songwriter of this epic song was Soundgarden’s frontman Chris Cornell, who ended up committing suicide a few years back. Sadly, this was the end of a great rock singer whose music usually pertained to struggling with life. Yes, he ended up losing his war, and who knows how bad it was for him? Depression is a serious killer, and I had a taste of it. It was no joke for me. Still, “The Day I Tried To Live” is the one song that took me out of a dark place and still keeps me up every day so far.
My Dark Place
I grew up following the, what I call, “life brochure.” All my life, I pretty much followed the rules to the tea. This means that I got good grades, stayed away from trouble, graduated from high school, went to college to get a degree, then got a profession, and then got married. I did the whole 9 yards on a well-balanced path. It took a while to establish all that since I was not a fortunate person to have everything given to me. I had to work my ass for all that!
In between those accomplishments, I ran into problems and conquered them. I also did my mischievous things here and there. Yes, I messed around with a nice number of women and experimented with certain drugs when I got to a certain age. It was all fun. However, when I reached the ending result, this being at the married stage with a profession while paying for a property, it did not quite seem like it was a reward. I was not happy at all with the ending result. A giant hammer came down on me and made me realize that this was not what I wanted.
One sad thing led to another, and I eventually lost my spirituality. Even though my compass was set for good things, those good things that I managed to get did not serve my soul any good. My new path literally led me into a giant fog, and I simply lost myself.
I eventually ended up divorcing my wife and walked into a dark place that kept this evil side of me alive. It was a very weird liking, but it eventually ate me up. My way of life went astray. I started losing friends and lost touch with my family. Yes, I was using substances to keep me on a pedestal, but it was very wobbly one at that. I was hanging out in dark corners of my city with fast women and living life in a very dangerous way.
All the darkness that surrounded me during those days eventually ate up all the good in me. I really did not care to live or die. I was very depressed and walked the path with an oblivious attitude towards spirituality. Basically, my brain and soul broke and did not give a damn! My depression was for real and had my thoughts of not caring if I died. I surrounded myself with people that had dying eyes. Their souls lost, and mine fed of that negative energy. It was terrible but sadly addicting. I was a true downward spiral.
Many of those nights during that dark chapter of my life, the song by Soundgarden would keep me going. Just like the song states in the second chorus, “The Day I Tried to Live, I wallowed in the blood and mud with all the other pigs.” I looked at my days like it was just another day in the shit just like everyone else! The song would give me enough strength to make a move for that day and stay alive. Things like going to work or simply go grocery shopping or something would keep me wounded for the next day. The song, despite having a dark message, shed a light on the dark corners of my life. It was a spark that led to a well-lit fire for me.
Cornell, the songwriter, also ends the song by saying, “Just like you.” Meaning that he is trying to live his life, no matter how shitty, just like everyone else in this world. So, a spark hit me in the forehead. Yes, some people have it better than others, but we all face bad days all the time. So, one must keep going and forget about the crap that hit the fan, just move on like everyone else is. Everybody has their demons and the job is to conquer them.
That is exactly what I did. The song reminds me that we all have to stop being little babies and move on. We must try to live every day. So, the day I tried to live was pretty crappy, but I lived it. I will keep living and conquering the evil that comes my way. Thanks, Chris! Your lyrics in that song are very powerful and have helped me move on. This is how the song by Soundgarden ends and this is how my days end, “Just like you, one more time around.”