Taking a Life

It's that time of the year again. Suicide prevention month. And there are a lot of thoughts I would like to share with anyone willing to stay here and read. Let me start off with why I believe I have the right to talk so openly about my opinion on this topic.

In high school was when my depression really set in to my life. Between hating myself, the bad friendships I thought I could count on, the bullies, and the lost relationships among all things, high school was a very stressful time. And it didn't help that I was head over heels for an insane bipolar guy who happily dragged me behind his carriage.

As all of those happenings unfolded in my life, unluckily all at once, I turned to the one thing I thought was the answer. Suicide. I'm not going to elaborate, simply because no one needs that, especially not me. But throughout my high school years, I tried to commit suicide about twelve times, I think it came out to be.

I was obviously unsuccessful because I am gratefully sitting here writing this to all of you. But there are a couple of things I have to say to those of you who have not TRULY experienced the battle that must be fought every day.

I have met people who have lied and claimed that they tried to commit suicide, or that they've cut themselves. Which all ends up being for the attention that they so desperately seek. And I have not been more disgusted in my life.

This month is not for attention seekers. This month is not for those who think they can frivolously claim that they will take their own life because they haven't gotten what they wanted. This month is for those fighting to find a reason that they are valued. Fighting to find a reason for their existence in this world.

Every day I struggle with finding worth in my life. Every day I struggle with loving myself. But somehow I find a way to keep pushing. Even if it's just a little tiny bit, every day. I find something that helps keep me going.

For those that are reading this, that are truly having a hard time, whether you have already reached out, or you are shoving it down into your bottle and keeping it to yourself, you need to know that you have worth. Even if you don't feel it. Even if in my words, you don't feel like you can find truth.

Life is hard. Life is hell. It's a living hell. Every day that you get up, even if it's at 4:00 PM. You are making a valuable effort. Life is going to throw any and every trial at you that it can, and the very fact that you decided to stay alive today, is the very same reason as why you deserve to live. Why you truly do have value.

You are a soldier. You are the living proof that the rest of us can truly push on. Although you don't feel it so, it is the truth. And so many people that love and care about you, including me, look to you and see value, we see strength, and we see hope in both your life, and ours.

Know that just because today is shitty, that just because maybe your whole week sucks, there is always someone there willing to listen or talk with you, based on whatever it is that you need to keep pushing. If you believe you have no one, I am here, and you can message me through this site.

Know that you were put on this earth for important reasons, and one of them is to fight this darkness that you feel, as a soldier of the light. And even if you stumble, I will be standing there right beside you helping you to your feet, handing you back your weapon, so we can keep charging the grounds to fight for our happiness.

Next time you feel the need to hurt yourself, or even commit suicide, write the reasons down of why not to, and don't lie to yourself. I can guarantee you that that list will prove to you that nothing is worth killing yourself over. Nothing.

Happiness is on the horizon my friends. And if we stand together, if we fight together, that sweet blissful morning we all yearn will soon be ours. But first we must remember not to give up, and to always love. Everyone, including our enemies, and ourselves.

Much love from me to you, whoever you are, and peace to whatever battle you're fighting. You are worth everything.