medicine
The medicalization of mental illness has given rise to many forms of pharmacological relief that restore chemical imbalances in one's brain.
The Sewing Box
The box had been there for years — untouched, unspoken, and always in the same corner of Nana’s old attic. Covered in lace that had long since yellowed, it waited like a quiet witness. When Nana passed away that winter, I returned home after seven years to settle her affairs — not entirely ready for what I would find. I hadn’t been back since I was sixteen. Back then, I ran away more than I visited. Back then, Nana was already growing forgetful, calling me by my mother’s name, or sometimes by her own sister’s. But she never forgot about the sewing box. She’d always say, “Don’t touch it, Isla. That’s not for you — not yet.” -- The funeral was small. Nana never had many friends left. It was just me, the priest, and the mailwoman who brought her groceries during her final years. The house felt too quiet when I returned — like it had been waiting just for me. I slept in the guest room that night, but I didn’t really sleep. I kept thinking of the sewing box. It wasn’t just nostalgia. Something about it tugged at me — like it had its own heartbeat. -The attic The next morning, I climbed the attic stairs, flashlight in hand. The switch hadn’t worked in years. The air was thick with dust and lavender. Nana always loved lavender. It masked the scent of mothballs and age. I walked past old suitcases, brittle magazines, faded photographs with crinkled edges. And there it was — in the far left corner, exactly where I remembered. The sewing box. It was a faded green, with golden thread-like trim and a broken hinge. A cracked ceramic bird perched on top, its wing chipped. I sat cross-legged in front of it, just like I used to. But this time, I didn’t hesitate. Inside, there were spools of thread, needles, buttons in little paper envelopes. But underneath, tucked beneath a swatch of blue satin, was something else. Letters. Dozens of them, tied with red ribbon, yellowed with age. The top one had my mother’s name — Claire. My heart thumped against my ribs. I opened the first letter. Dear Claire, I know you won’t understand now, but I hope one day you will forgive me. I didn’t have a choice. You were only a baby when he left, and I couldn’t risk it — not again. I had to keep you safe. Nobody believed me back then, but he wasn’t who he said he was. He wasn’t just “James from the library.” He had a darkness I didn’t see — not until it was too late. You have his eyes, you know. I hated them for years, but now… now I wonder if maybe you deserved to know. There’s more in this box than thread, darling. There are truths I never dared speak aloud. — Mother froze. James? My grandfather? I’d never heard anything about him. My mom rarely spoke of her childhood, and when she did, it was always about the happy things — summer at the lake, Sunday cakes, Nana’s lullabies. But not once had she mentioned her father. I read another letter. And then another. Each one was more detailed than the last. Each one filled with fear, and regret, and love twisted in grief. My Nana had been hiding the truth for decades. Not just from my mother — but from the world.
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There are many goodbyes and "I quits" when it comes to being chronically unwell; in my case through a multitude of different chronic illnesses caused by not two, but three tumours in my uterus. I cannot say that I have been gaslit by the healthcare and medical profession over the last nine months (could have delivered a baby in this time, but anyway); yet being unwell takes its toll on your psyche, and most of all, on your entire life. And the loss is more than just monetary. Doctors need to keep investigating to find the root cause; and that discovery on you the unwell patient can be physically, mentally, emotionally and financially exhausting.
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