I’m the first to admit that I’m a real moaning git when I have anything wrong with me. I hate being ill, even in the slightest way. I always feel like I’m a "malfunctioning human" when I’m ill... "defective"... a thought contributed to by people close to me slagging me down because I can’t work and make money.
Before we begin this installment, let's review some of the highlights of the last one:
In my last post, I listed a number of toll-free numbers that we can use in the event we need someone to talk to, and help us through a "cycle" (the word's used to describe either a manic or depressive stage). Then we covered the issue of medications (and, listen, I can't be too emphatic on this: If you've been prescribed med(s) to help you, then take them regularly! Don't skip a dose, or take too many of them! If you have bad side effects, discuss this with your psychiatrist. He or she can find a better one for you).
While it's true that bipolar disorder is incurable, there are things we can do to handle it successfully and live a happier and more stable emotional life. So, before I begin this second article, let's review what we learned from the first one:
Although my psychiatrist diagnosed me as being bipolar back in 2015, I was neither told of nor treated for it until three years later. The explanation for the delay was simple: My files were "lost in the paperwork."
I recently was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder in April.
It was like I was in a nightmare.
To begin this conflict analysis, it would be most suitable to discuss the beginning of the conflict, which was August 11, 1997. Coincidentally enough, it’s also the date of my birth. Though it may seem strange, my conflict analysis won’t be between myself and another person, so to speak, but between myself and myself. While I don’t remember much from this date up until a few years ago, except for a few glimpses and flashes of memories, it’s safe to say that the origin of my internal conflict has been with me since birth. This mysterious origin is a hereditary mental illness, passed down to me by my father, which makes me feel like two or more different people in constant conflict—bipolar disorder.
Bipolar disorder affects as many as 60 million people worldwide. Bipolar is a lifelong chronic illness for which there is no cure. Someone living with this disorder will experience revolving episodes of depressive and manic behavior, each episode lasting for a week or more at a time. Due to the nature of this illness, many who are diagnosed as bipolar also have at least one other mental disorder diagnosis such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Dissociative Personality Disorder, PTSD, and Schizophrenia.
I have a dream that I've been dreaming about since junior high school. I love writing and I love music. If I were able to put them both together, that'd be amazing. But being a songwriter, you have to know that right people and I don't know people. I don't like people. People make me anxious. I don't like feeling anxious.
Chances are you've heard more people than not claim that they are bipolar. The truth is if they actually knew what "bipolar" was, they wouldn't use the term so lightly.
Anyone who has bipolar disorder knows how hard it can be to oscillate between two extremes. What are the two extremes? Mania makes you feel like a superhero, while on the other hand, depression makes you feel like the worst person in the world. Going back and forth can feel like chaos.