Suicide by Song

The rate of suicide among those aged 10 to 24 increased nearly 60% between 2007 and 2018, according to a recent report released this September 2020 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Alarming. Frightening. Sad. Deliberate.

Those are our children!!!!

Yes, we've had a pandemic this year. Yes, today's youth are faced with problems and social expectations those over thirty years of age can't even fathom. Experts rush to analyze "why." We could all just go there and assume we know or understand, but we don't.

We can't. We aren't teens.

As parents, teachers, grandparents, and clergy we can look for information about the signs and symptoms of the mental condition that propelled these abhorrent acts of self-violence.

The warning signs.

But they aren't always inclusive or easily identifiable. Teenagers have mood swings, bad behavior, and they isolate themselves on purpose. They are stealth when it comes to keeping their feelings and personal business closed off. Even a nosey, helicopter parent can miss the cues.

So, I go to my personal experience many years ago. To me, my seventeen year old self would have the answers, or better yet, the solutions? Why? Because I tried suicide back then.

Psychologists/psychiatrists will tell you that suicide is anger turned inward. But, to me, the word anger should have been replaced by the word, "hurt." A person who is "suicidal" is a hurting person. They have been hurting for a long time. And the latest hurt in their lives is just the one that tipped them over. The hurt had been so overwhelming that all they can do is silently scream for is for it to STOP! And they barely have enough energy to do that.

For me, it was prescription pills for depression. I took the whole bottle. I had a tube pushed down my nose, and down my throat into my belly and had the contents come back up. I can almost gag now as I recall. But the chemicals that had already broken down in my system, left me in the Intensive Care Unit for three days after that.

Parents: PAY ATTENTION... music is a teenager's voice!!!!!!

Yes, I had been depressed. I had a recent break-up. And I had isolated. I had stopped eating. My sleep had been disrupted. I lacked mental energy. But I played music. I played one song over and over and over again. (There had been signs...)

It was 1972 and Harry Nilsson and his woeful voice mesmerized me with the lyrics in "Without You."

[Verse 1]

No, I can't forget this evening

Or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that's just the way the story goes

You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows

Yes, it shows

[Verse 2]

No, I can't forget tomorrow

When I think of all my sorrow

When I had you there but then I let you go

And now it's only fair that I should let you know

What you should know

[Chorus]

I can't live if living is without you

I can't live, I can't give anymore

I can't live if living is without you

I can't give, I can't give anymore

[Verse 3]

Well, I can't forget this evening

Or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that's just the way the story goes

You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows

Yes, it shows

[Again the Chorus]

Parents: PAY ATTENTION... music is a teenager's voice!!!!!!

Parents: PAY ATTENTION... music is a teenager's voice!!!!!!

Parents: PAY ATTENTION... music is a teenager's voice!!!!!!

So, I wrote a letter to my seventeen-year old self...

Hi! Hope you feel better real soon. I just want to be a friend for a minute. I know you are hurting. You don't have to say anything or tell me anything, either. I see it in your face. I wish I could take the pain away, but I can't. I will hug you, though. I won't ever dismiss your pain. But I won't allow it to destroy you, either. I won't let you dwell in it. Life is full of hurt, but it is also full of joy. It's in the moments. And it's worth it. It's worth you getting up, washing your face, drying those tears, and giving it a shot. You deserve some many more moments. And would you believe me if I told you you would be a mother and a grandmother and see those moments come to life in the twinkling of all those beautiful little faces? Fight for them now!!! And turn off that damn depressing music!!!! Your soul deserves better...I love you!