Schizophrenic stigma

Hello ...To start off im going to tell you a little about my self

The names Have change to protect privacy

My name is Charlie. Im in my late 50's shhhh. I live in Manitoba Canada. I have lived a life for at least 2 people. My story beggins with my mother

My mother was a mentally Ill Parinod Schizophrenic person She would have hallucinations, in which her senses aren’t working right. She would hear voices that make fun of her tell her things to do- harmful things. Or she might see things that aren’t really there.....Paranoid Symptoms Delusions are fixed beliefs that seem real to you, even when there's strong evidence they aren't. Paranoid delusions, also called delusions of persecution, reflect profound fear and anxiety along with the loss of the ability to tell what's real and what's not real.

My mothers name was Molly. Small pettie 4 foot 9 inch women Molly was a very beautiful women [not that matters]. But it does. In the sence that people look on the surfaces and not into the intelect. A point of view of what they wanted to see and not what it was

Molly had three kids they each were born 2 years part Two girls and a boy. Chalie, trudy, and steve..she also had another son that was taken from her when she was 15 years old, So a total of 4 kids.

Molly had a 6 yr grade education. Molly was very well readed. My mom would read almost every day. When she went to write her GED. She scored a grade 11 without studing for it

Her life was a living hell ... at 15 she was raped! Molly than had a son she called Dan. When Dan was around 3yrs old my mother went to child family service for help. The reason being my grand father was molesting her. My mother was a minor. So they took Dan and left my mother to fend for herself ...Why! she was a minor too ???

When they took my brother they put him up for adotion Again no efforts were made to get him back home ..I did bring this up to one of my uncles when i was about 24 yrs old. He told me it was the government. How do you fight the government?

No one help her, no support. Not until the Government step in. I was always furrious at my relatives for not being there for us kids. There was not one good excusses my relatives could give why they wouldn't help us 3 kids

But I too had to except that I was not their responcibility So sad that we didn't matter Little to no efforts were made for us 3 kids on our behalf What gulled me the most The adults would say to me "Charlie you are the oldest You need to take care of my siblings". I was 6years old!... how riducluous is that statement .. I did try ..But running away was easier

Molly meet my father Vern. Vern was born in Ireland in about 1942 Vern was sent by ship to live in Canada when he was just a wee baby with a realtive I was told .. He was tall 6'2, dark hair, strong chin good looking Vern had a strong resembled Elvis Presley. Vern was also an alcholic.

When Molly got pregnant with me. My grand father litterly got a shot gun found my father and told him he was going to marry my mother [And you thought shot gun weddings didn't exsits LOL] I was born in the fall of 1964.

One of my few memories of Vern was a time he was beating up my mom I remember trying to interven But Vern hit me so hard that I litterly flew across the room at 3 years old [Ha.. he was suppose to be the better parent] I think not!

Molly was so desturb that my father left -and left for another women. My mother spent a lot of time trying to find him We moved coutless times accross Canada to find Vern. Vancouver, Calgary back to our home town/city

The 2nd last time I saw Vern ...he took me to a restaraunt. I dropped a french frie on the floor ...I begged ....him not to leave me! I said I would clean up the french frie off the floor [at 3 years old] ...I totally remember this

How could this man look in his own little girls face and not care Well he did a little ...because when I finally got to speak to him the year 2000 he told me he remember the restauraunt french frie memory p [who cares right!]

Molly's mind was going deeply into mental illness trying to raise 3 kids trying to stay normal with no help despratley looking for Vern it destroyed her ...I believe her mentall illness was there for years and year attributing from my grand father molesting but the more stress she was under the more she was see things -hear things Mom put towels and blankets on the mirrors t.v ...I even remember her screeming into a mirror. Mom was getting more and more down the rabbit hole

I have to back up a little ...A little more from the younger years Just to give you an idea of what we were dealing with.

Schizophrenic mental illness stigma

I tried running away in more ways than one from her, my life and the stigma. I first tried running psyically, than mentally. I needed people to see me the same as they see everyone else. ...but as soon as people heard the word mental illness .......... I was no longer normal.

Which actually change me as well ...You start to act out due to the stigma people image you to be.... so subconciously I too try to altenate peoples thinking ...but not delibertly ...more of an irrationally charlie than a normal one

My mother was a homeless person She lived in a group home in our downtown area. Now I know I just conderdicted myself How do you have a place to live and say your homeless ...but she was ...Molly could not stand the home/or the other live-incompanions the Government provided ...So she would wonder the streets. She was dirty, smelly, asking for money for coffee- cigarretts sleeping on the street, and under bridges as well

Yup...if you gave her any money she probably would have bought a beer. Well wouldn't You? Would you want to live in a place were people were unperdictable ..unstable ...CRAZY ???

I was in no position to take on my mother care.. Don't forget I had enough. I was just trying to be a normal person. How was I ever going to meet some nice guy without trying to explain My mother and all the disgrace, and shame that comes with that...I had pride. It hurts to bad to carry forward ..Caring for a disfuntional mother was not for this 24 year old

The majority of my life I did the cooking and cleaning -some what. In reality I was sick of picking up after my family and at 16 was starting to think of going on my own