Our Inner Self

I had come to realize more and more that our mental issues have to do with our past, how we grew up, and possibly things we had maybe gotten into as a young adults. But does it entail more?

I never looked at my mental health until my son had the biggest episode of schizophrenia which scared me so much I had to take a look at myself, my son's father's side. I did not know where this all of a sudden came to happen. Yes I know it was a lot to do with his lifestyle. He was doing things he really shouldn't have. Had to always look over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't being followed or going to get robbed. So I can somewhat see where it came from.

But did he get something from me or his father? I think he may have. It has been two years now and he is not shown any signs of another episode I think they should look into it instead of keeping him drugged up. Not this town. They lie to the courts to keep him on the meds. He has gotten worse with side effects from the meds and yet as I said, this town does not care. They just tell him to go see a different doctor, instead of helping him. He is 21 and he has to be a man and stick up for himself in that manner, but he is not. Working on him to help get it through his head to get out of there and go to another facility.

It made me look into my mental health. I know I had been depressed for many years being that I had severe back pain and no one wants to hire me because of my limitations, yet I am too young to get a disability check. Well, that is what social security claims. (younger people than myself has gotten disability so I don't understand that.)

Then talking to my aunt about my son made me get a little more information about my family's mental health. This is my mother's sister. She had told me that she has some mental health issues. I know before my mother's passing at the age of 48, she had a lot of mental health issues. I know I had caused some of that on her being a terrible teenager. But her mental health issues spilled over into her parenting. Made it hard to stay with her in the same house.

When we fought with her our father not knowing the true side of my mother, would turn around and whip us because of us fighting with her. After we all moved out and she had gotten her second cancer, her true colors finally came out in front of my father. He wanted to blame the hospital for her problems. I knew better, just did not say anything. I already caused enough trouble as a child.

I know she did love us. In her dying words, with she and I not getting along the best as a teenager, she mumbled I love you through her air tube. Put me in tears. I went to take care of her after she had gotten out of the hospital one time. Hoping that would show her I did love her. Think with her last words she understood that.

Then still getting more information from my aunt, I find out about my grandmother, which would be my mother's, mother. She had severe mental health issues that she never had gotten addressed. Thinking about what I had gone through growing up, I could only imagine what my mother and her sisters went through.

Thinking of all this information, I think it can be passed down from generation. My daughter and my son both have issues. Just pray that it can end and my grandson or future grandchildren do not also carry it on. Do you think it is inherited from other family members?