In Greek Mythology Hades had a sign before entering his realm "abandon hope all ye who enter here." Everyone thought that I was so lucky to have a great amazing grandfather. What they didn't know is what happened behind closed doors.
He only wanted to show others a façade that no one would ever see at home.
This is a full account of what I went through of what I remember. But this isn't what you think. I will be writing a personal profile of what I saw in the old man aka my grandfather. In this time, I will now refer to him as the old man.
1: Brainwashing: For as long as I could remember the old man would have drilled in my head. "Your Mom doesn't love you, she never wanted you. Emily you are unloved, and not appreciated. You are so fat no man will ever want you. Get used to it you are alone. And the words I don't understand you." I didn't realise I was being brainwashed. Then again who would realise this.
2: Controlling: He was always controlling making me feel like his personal slave. Telling me how I should act, dress, chores, and I never had a life of my own. He wouldn't let me date, told me I couldn't marry because I had a family to take care of.
But the more he told me not to do things the more I wanted to. I want to experiment with my hair, I want to get tattoos, I wanted financial freedom, I wanted a job, a loving husband, and children. I thought there had to be more to live then this.
3: No Dating: No dating unless I meet him first. This hurt a lot because when I did bring guys around he would humiliate and embarrass me. He would talk about my "problems".
4: You can date just no one who isn't "white": He tried to instill in my head the word of racism. But I never saw that. It's hate and I couldn't hate anyone unless they did something to me that gives me a reason to hate. And even then hate is a strong word, to my hate is you wish the person never existed. I didn't like men who were "white" I wanted a real man who had culture on him, who could show me the world.
5: Breaking my spirit: I think he would have broken my spirit even further if I didn't leave when I had a chance. Two of his ex-girlfriends told me one thing, "Emily, when you have a chance don't look back run. Run as far as you can."
6: When he couldn't break me, he assaulted me: Like most abusers when you can't be broken from the strong spirit you have. The start physical violance. I can remember when he and I brought in the first smart TV in the house to get it set up. When he got it on the mantle I guess I wasn't quick enough and he pushed me hard against the wall. When he throw a hard ass black cordless phone at my head and backed me into a corner.
7: Psychological warfare: I am traumatised going through this. So many weekends, and weekdays did I go through this having to repeat what he said to me over and over again. And if I thought about Mom he have me writing a 100xs your Mom doesn't love you, 100xs each I will follow directions.
8: No one helped me: I've been told on the otherside the old man is remorseful. And my friends that he feels bad for treating me like this. But I can't forgive him (I wanna cry so bad) I feel like it's to late what he did can't be forgiven. What he did was calculated with no remorse, no nothing. I vowed to never turn into him. I feel like that the old man is a cautionary tale for me, and the whole idea of creating the perfect villain in the novels that I write. It is simple unforgiveable for me.
Without, Shane my husband helping me treating to rewrite what the old man instilled for so long I wouldn't have made it so far as I have right now. He is been a major supporter encouraging me to work, make my dreams come true, to be the greatest husband and best friend I ever could ask for. Without him I couldn't dig deep inside and be able to share my emotions. To feel safe when I'm with him.
Thanks for reading my full profile of the old man my grandfather. Like, subscribe, and comment.