Music and Water

Introduction: The Simple Things

I remember my grandmother, sitting on her couch in her living room, with a thin white thread looped through a tiny silver needle in one hand and a growing masterpiece in the other. It was probably the most at peace she ever was. Often with the radio on and her eyes closed, it seemed like her own favourite form of meditation. After all the challenges and difficulties she had faced in her life, it was at this moment, she could finally value such peace and tranquility as the most prized possession she finally owned. The worst of her life was far behind her and she was safe in her own home, surrounded by people who loved and cared for her. The control she now had over her life was enough to make her feel empowered and complete.

Even if there was chaos surrounding her or even if she was all alone, it was her ability to hold her thoughts and dictate to herself the real worth of the things around her that allowed her to appease her mind and find solace in the simple things of life. She taught me not to be afraid of the darkness in life and that strength and resolve is a state of mind. She taught me that the most important thing in life is to strive and make the most of the time that is available by directing my energy to the things that matter most i.e., the things that really make a change and make life worth living (and changing).

Somewhere along the way of becoming a woman, it became apparent that this road to find peace and to live a life of meaning and intention, was littered with messy deviations. Like a fly caught in a web, I found myself lost and stuck. I lost my focus, my direction, and my purpose because I craved an unmet need: a deficiency I could no longer ignore. The void of never having been in love or having experienced the romantic narrative I had been promised by my childhood fairytales and teen flicks, had not been delivered. So, it stole all my focus and attention. When was it ever going to come? This created a well of misery and despair, chasing something so seemingly elusive but never catching. I guess it’s just not meant for me. But accepting that as truth is just as soul-crushing as it is to experience the disappointment of the alternative. It seems among all my options, success and true love were not one of them. And, yeah, people say to me all the time, it will come “at the right time”. But, I need more convincing than that.

When I was younger I always aspired to be a woman who was independent and sure of herself. I wanted to be strong and self-assured just like my grandmother. I wanted to be the kind of girl that didn't wait for a man and that felt content with herself. You know, that woman who has it all together...

So why do I feel like I underachieved at this goal? Why do I often feel so frail and like I'm always coming apart. Sometimes, being a strong, independent woman feels like building a house of cards. What do you do when you feel lost? Where do you go when independence starts to feel like loneliness? Where do you find peace when the world starts to feel like it's on fire?

To break down my answer to this, I want to talk about two particular elements that often help to soothe my troubles: water and music.

Water

I have found a certain affinity for walking beside water. Whether it is a lake, a river, or the beach, there is something simply soothing about walking by bodies of water. Is it the way it flows? Is it the simplicity in the colours it reflects? Is it merely just the wonder of nature beaming back at me? Is there some kind of spiritual cleansing that occurs when one sits or walks by water? Or, even when one goes for a swim...

Water is cleansing and nourishing. Being immersed in water is a common spiritual practice to induct someone into a religion. In my family, it is customary that children are baptized in front of all their most beloved family and friends. They are plunged into a cauldron filled with water and oil which is believed to be a form of purification of the soul. When I am feeling down and depressed often what happens is I will stop taking care of myself. Everything piles up around me and I become paralyzed by the enormity of the work around me. For me, healing from this condition often begins with taking a shower. The feeling of being clean is the first step to rebuilding my self-worth and making myself functional again.

Sound

Music. It has an addictive quality. Is it the way it understands me? It almost literally takes the words out of my mind and echoes them back to me through my ears: the underrated comfort of being inside my own echochamber where what I think and feel is validated.

Music is instrumental at channeling and surgically targeting the string of emotions that surges through my body and allows me to find greater clarity and a sense of ambition.

What kind of music do I listen to?

Thank you for asking so kindly. Well, whatever is in alignment with my soul, I suppose.

Some days the feel-good nostalgia elicited from old poppy tunes is not quite hitting the right note inside my heart. So instead, I opt for the dramatic tone of a love song to pluck on my heartstrings and help me navigate the perils of a broken, disappointed heart. Or, alternatively, a stupidly hopeful and pining heart.

Some days it’s the heavy baseline in that dirty old punk rock song that revs me up and allows me to indulge and marinade in the sheer satisfaction of being able to be unreasonably angry and fed up. Here, the lyrics are like a protestation of the resistance, marching into the city and tearing down the walls, or the drums of change signaling a quiet revolution churning inside my beaten old heart.

A desire for change brings about the feeling that I am breathing new life. I feel myself taking the reins and realizing that I am the force pulling the ocean tides. I am getting ready to move. The empowering nature of a good rock song has no competition. The license to rebel, to deviate, to disapprove of how the world has been treating me.

Sometimes, sound is about no sound at all. Sometimes silence is the beautiful bliss I need to calm me. When I meditate, I sometimes prefer not to listen to a guided meditation that requires me to visualize vivid, prescribed images of some random beach and its virtual rainbow. For me the simplicity of focusing on simple isolated natural stimuli, helps to balance my mind from the business of the day. For me, it is a meditation not to employ my mind's eye and to clear my mind. Focus on the notes of a piano instrumental, following the notes in the melody and trusting it. For me, it is not thinking at all, it's about being as close to the present as possible. Here, is where I discover the true essence of inner peace and I believe my most accurate hypothesis of what Heaven truly resembles.

In Heaven, there is no need for bodies. Only satisfied souls. There are no bathrooms in Heaven because there is no need for the pipes. And, if there is no need for pipes, that means there is no need for nutrition. There is no need for a body at all. The oxygen we breathe will find a new purpose. But what remains of our life simply rises like a bubble or a balloon, needing, searching for nothing, doing nothing. If this is true, I can access Heaven any time. I don’t need to win the lottery or lose forty kilograms from around my waist. I don't need an old stairway. I don't even need a church.

I just close my eyes and find my centre. For a few brief moments, I can hold that center and I can feel whole. This spiritual experience can leave me secure in the knowledge that I have always and will always have everything I will ever need and I can breathe.

Rhythm and Harmony

When music and water feel like they move at the same resonance, something magical happens - a symbiosis of movement and sound. It’s like the notes of the song I listen to weave with the movement of the water and my stride as I walk. Such a powerful moment is something I like to make last for a long amount of time. A moment so potent, it has the power to heal. Or, so it feels.

Everyone knows how it feels when their favorite song comes on that makes them want to dance. Is it Michael Jackson for you? Or Whitney? Or Madonna? Or someone more current, say, Lady Gaga or Katy Perry.

I recently played the music video for the song “Roar” by Katy Perry for my baby, 3-year-old cousin. This helped to sustain his focus for a while and calm him from his tantrum. The whole time I thought, is this not just such a great song for a child to listen to? It’s empowering and fun. Children love pretending to be lions and tigers. That desire to embody the qualities of a royal ferocious feline is planted in us from such a young age it seems. Let’s face it, no one ever really wants to be a lamb, do they? Yet lambs are usually depicted as a symbol of innocence and peace, especially if you consider the Jesus Christ narrative. What a juxtaposition!

We often associate peace and tranquility with a Japanese garden and a zen musical backdrop with perhaps a xylophone or what have you. And, yes, as aforementioned above, it can be helpful when in need. But other times, what we need to bring us back to peace, is the chance to just let our hair out and shake off our cares - and there are plenty of songs that offer this opportunity! Sometimes we need a chance to “roar”.

There was a time when I found myself in an emotional deep dark hole. I was clinging to my bed and every step felt like a mile. One day my mum and my aunty had encouraged me to go along with them to this Greek-music-inspired aerobics class. I reluctantly dragged my feet along feeling very weird about the whole experience. I was struggling with anxiety at the time and being around people in such a capacity was incredibly uncomfortable. Thinking back now, the remember the room looking like the size of a football field, whereas now, it’s definitely not so distorted.

I have always really enjoyed Greek music and especially the folky kind. I enjoy the rhythm of the dances and the steps they entail. It makes me feel incredibly connected to my ethnic roots in a real deep and spiritual way. The class involved a lot of hand raising, leg kicks, skips, grapevines, hip twists, and turns. During and at the end of the dances I felt this huge release of emotions as I struggled to stop myself from crying. Until this moment I had been so numb and apathetic, this new influx of happy hormones was the most therapeutic experience I had had in a while. I could breathe again. I felt capable again. I felt hope again. This brought me a new wave of peace: the peace that comes after making a breakthrough in an area of life that has felt stagnant for the longest time.

Summary

• To keep me sane in moments of toil and trouble, I turn to two things: water and music.
• I like to put my headphones on, blearing some Spotify playlist meeting my emotional needs and syncing with the environment around me. I then go for a walk along a river, a beach, or a lake. Here, I find peace. It's the music that makes this moment addictive to me.
• Otherwise, I take a drink of water and/or a nice cleansing shower to restore myself.
• I also like to dance and move to help me shake off my funk and feel like a roaring tiger again!