Movie Review: 'Brittany Runs a Marathon' Takes a Critic for a Ride

Warning: this is going to be a movie review, but it is also going to be a wide ranging therapy session for the critic writing this. Strap in.

When I was very young, perhaps seven or eight years old, I dropped some food on the ground. I had desperately wanted this food. I craved the pleasure it gave me, and I took losing it the way someone might take the death of a beloved pet. I was devastated, and no one could understand why. I don’t remember the food, probably something horrible from some fast food joint, one far enough away that my mother would not get back in the car and replace what I had lost.

Just remembering this moment from my childhood is enough to make me tear up a little.

That was the first time, but not the last time that my desire for comfort from food would leave me in tears. Even as an adult, issues related to food trigger something within me, this fear of loss, an unquenchable emptiness that goes well beyond a simple desire to eat the things As a college student I developed a food based OCD. Everyday, I would reach my break between classes, and go to the same grocery store for the same lunch that I had every single day, at the exact same time.

You can predict what happened next. One day, I arrive at the grocery store and that food that I had centered my well-being around was not there. Something had happened to delay the making of the food that day, and it would be 30 minutes before it was ready. I could not wait 30 minutes as I had to be back at school. I froze. I panicked internally. I stood there staring at the place where my usual meal was located unable to move. I must have stood there stock still for about 10 minutes before I realized that I needed to gather myself to go back to school.

But the thought of not eating at all sent a new wave of panic over me. Not only could I not get my usual food, I now faced the prospect of going hungry. That’s a whole other anxiety, one that grips me to this day. Just over a year ago, I moved to a town in Illinois, and didn’t find out until after I had moved in that the town was something of a food desert. There is no food delivery in this town. No pizza, no door dash, no Uber-Eats.

One night, when I was ill from the flu or some such illness, and unable to get up and get food from the gas station nearby, the only place in town you can get ready to eat food, I discovered that no delivery was available from anywhere. This sent me into such an irrational panic that friends of mine who were worried about my erratic text messages drove 40 minutes to my new home to bring me food and medicine.

Imagine worrying for your friend to that degree. At once, I was incredibly moved by their kindness and generosity. On the other hand, I was filled with shame and self-loathing that, at my age, I could not simply do something like this for myself. I had taken them away from something to do something for me, and even while it had been their idea, their kindness only made me think I wasn't worthy of such goodness. That's what the demons of shame and self-loathing, the kind that accompany food and weight issues, do to your mind.

Unless you rely on food as the kind of place of solace and joy that I do, one that fills the void where having a wife and child and stable place in the world should fill, you don’t know what it is like to have food issues. Food holds a place in my life that is desperately unhealthy. I covet it, I desire it. It lives in the place where my financial insecurity lives, and thrives off the fears I have about not being able to afford to eat.

This is a long way to go to get to a review of a movie that is not about food issues, not in the sense that I am discussing them. Brittany Run a Marathon stars Jillian Bell as Brittany, an overweight New Yorker who one day decides that all of the shame and fear and loathing that she lives with every day have become too much. Her response is to start running. She starts with a single block, and then two, and then a mile, and then two, and, well, from the title you can sense where this is headed.

There is a scene in this movie that floored me. Brittany is in the midst of her journey toward getting better. But she can’t resist aspects of her former life. After a lengthy run in which she bonded with her two new running friends, Seth (Micah Stock) and Catherine (Michaela Watkins), Brittany walks past a burger joint, and she can’t resist going in and ordering a large greasy cheeseburger.

As Brittany sits in a window seat at the burger joint, relishing her burger that she earned from her hard work on her run that day, that’s the kind of rationalizing that comes with severe food issues, Brittany sees Catherine walk by, and they lock eyes while Brittany is clutching her giant burger. Catherine is kind, but Brittany’s shame is overwhelming. It’s not overwhelming enough for her to put down the cheeseburger, she’s finishing that, but is overwhelming enough that she turns away from her new friend in a way that tells Catherine to go away in no uncertain terms.

That is followed by a depressed Brittany throwing away the container for her cheeseburger only to see bits of cheese stuck to the sides. As the burger container sits at the top of the trash, Brittany can’t resist reaching down and pulling the cheese off the container to eat it. She does this twice, and both times it chilled me to my core. I don’t recall a specific instance where I ate out of the trash, but I am certain I have stood where Brittany was standing with my desire overwhelming my shame and good taste.

There are moments like this sprinkled throughout this wonderful movie, Brittany Runs a Marathon. Actress Jillian Bell, the scene stealing genius from 22 Jump Street and Fist Fight, is funny and moving in equal measure. Brittany has her own way of being messed up that goes beyond my own issues, and she does a wonderful job of communicating the ways in which Brittany’s growing obsession with running is both healthy and unhealthy at times.

She’s healing her body, but also healing her psyche, one step at a time. Brittany Runs a Marathon never goes for easy jokes at Brittany’s expense. That’s something that so many other movies about people with weight problems do, the joke is usually at the expense of the main character. We've come to expect self deprecation from overweight lead characters in movies. It’s a character trait that makes it easier for us to laugh at them.

Brittany Runs a Marathon finds something far more true by pushing past the simple jokes at Brittany’s expense, and pushing into much more uncomfortable places that are funny, because they are so awkwardly and emotionally true. It meant the world to me to see a character who could be the butt of her own jokes, but instead mines humor from places we don’t want to confront, the places self-deprecation protects.

Brittany Runs a Marathon is based on a true story. The writer-director, Paul Downs Colaizzo had a friend like Brittany and felt her story was one that would make a good movie. He went a step further though in never settling on the kinds of easy jokes about overweight and struggling characters. He digs into the shame and heartache of being overweight, and having desires that you don’t feel that you can control, and the unhealthy ways these things manifest.

An early scene in a nightclub is a mortifying inciting incident. Desperate to feel pretty, Jillian sacrifices her dignity and good judgment to do something she knows will, very temporarily give her the kind of adoration she desperately needs. It’s a breathtakingly real and still quite funny moment as played by Jillian Bell. Other movies might invite you to judge this character, Brittany Runs a Marathon invites you to understand this character, and Jillian Bell makes you sympathize with her.

I realize that I am not in a place to rationally and dispassionately assess Brittany Runs a Marathon. The movie hit a spot in my soul that few movies ever have, and I can’t be objective about that. I can only tell you dear reader that if what I have told you about this movie makes you want to see it, rush out and see it now. Jillian Bell is wonderful in this movie, she communicates the journey of Brittany with a depth of emotion, and with some very big laughs.

Thank you Brittany Runs a Marathon for helping me to go there, go to that place where my issues lay. One block at a time, maybe I too could run a marathon someday. Perhaps with small goals, and a more full awareness of my issues I can get past these things that have held me back for so many years, and get me out of the prison I built out of cheeseburgers, cakes, and pizza slices.

After seeing Brittany Runs a Marathon I went to a store and bought a pair of gym shorts and new running shoes. Following the advice of the movie, I am going to set small, achievable goals. I'm also inspired to go back to therapy. I realize through this movie and writing about this movie that I need professional help to get started on this getting better thing. Wish me luck, and while you're at it, go see and support this movie.