Living with a Schizophrenic

My mother was a wonderful, bubbly, and vibrant person. She always knew how to make me smile and feel special. She did everything perfectly. I always told myself that if I could just be half the mother that she was, my kids would be lucky. But, she's gone.

I wish I would have seen the signs sooner. I wish that I would have spent more time with her in my teenage years. If I would have known then what I know now, I would have cherished every waking moment that I had with her.

My mom fell victim to this disease seven years ago. It started out small. She had gone through some trauma and my family and I held faith that, after some time, it would just go away. But we were dead wrong. Cars changing color, people she knew wearing disguises and following her into places, was nothing compared to the years to come.

I have been accused of horrible things. My mom; the woman who used to be my best friend, my confidante, and my entire world now thinks that I have ties to doctors, surgeons, police departments, lawyers, and every other important office or program essential for living. I have been accused of sabotaging doctor's appointments, treatments, finding work, finding government assistance, and probably anything else that you can think of. I have been told horrible things about myself that no daughter should hear from her mother. But this person is not my mother.

It still hurts. Everyday I find myself waking up thinking two simultaneous things: 'Will today be the day that she does something that she can't take back' and 'Will today be the day that I start exhibiting my own symptoms?' There are days when I wish that she could be somewhere else and other days I'm terrified for her to leave the house. My mother is a residual schizophrenic, meaning that she has traversed into the final stage of the disease. She is hardly ever lucid and she is only lucid for a day or two at a time, followed by months of hell at a time.

It took me years to understand that the person who so cruelly insulted me day by day wasn't my mother. She looked like my mother, sounded like my mother, and moved like my mother. But she didn't talk to me like her. My mother would never have called me such horrible names and accused me of horrible things. She used to bring joy with her when she walked into a room and now she only brings a heavy sense of worry. What is she going to say or do? Who is she going to target? Will it get violent this time? These are the questions that we have to ask ourselves. We can't live a normal life because we constantly need to worry about how it will affect her mood.

My mother was diagnosed with a uterine tumor three years ago. At that time, it was the size of a 5-month-old fetus. It is pushing on her bladder so hard that it is poking through her cervix. Because of her illness and lack of treatment, she has refused to get her surgery. She has canceled two separate appointments, saying that she will be poisoned by the drugs they use to put her to sleep for the surgery. In two years, she may very well die from the pressure on her bladder.

This is the consequence of letting it go. These are the consequences of ignoring the call for help. I love my mom. She really is the best person in the world. But she's broken. She has beaten me, called me names, accused me of everything under the sun... But I love her. This isn't her.

Coping with Schizophrenia in Your Household

I have two small children living with my mom and a younger brother along with my dad. A lot of people will ask if it's unsafe living with a schizophrenic with small children. Due to my mother's type of schizophrenia, she stays in one room most of the day. Normally, it is safe to be around the house. On her bad days, we avoid conversation and contact more than usual. I haven't gotten a hug from my mom or heard her say 'I love you' to me in five years.

It helps to remember and understand that it isn't her telling me these things. It still hurts, but that makes it a little more bearable.

It also helps to keep in mind that you can't talk to them or treat them as you would talk to or treat any other adult who talks to you that way. Getting mouthy and/or violent with a person suffering from schizophrenia does nothing but make you feel like a terrible person. Trust me, everyone loses their temper once and a while, (God knows I have) but being insulting back does no good. Not only does this person not understand why you are saying the things you're saying and twisting your words to work against you, but they are also being hurt by your words as much as you are being hurt by theirs. They don't mean it any more than you do, but they are going to take it much more personal. Bottom line, at all costs, try not to engage in arguments.

The last, but most important thing, is to love them. Despite this disease, they are still the same person deep down inside. Love them, encourage them to continue talking to you about what is going on in their minds (even if it hurts) and to seek help. Make appointments with counselors (even yours personally) to talk through things. Reassure them, even if they deny it, that you love them and are always there for them. You and your loved one will thank you for it later. Never let them have the chance to question their worth because of something you said.

The BIG Question

I'm sure you're all wondering why she hasn't been to treatment yet. Why she doesn't have the necessary medication. Why am I 'complaining' or sitting here writing an article instead of making sure she gets the help she needs. That's where it gets complicated. In the prodromal and active stages of schizophrenia, it is much easier to convince your loved one to get help. They are still at a point where they can hold a conversation and think lucidly for the most part. Unfortunately, we waited too long. As I mentioned before, my mother is in the final stage of schizophrenia, which is why it has been almost impossible to get her help.

She was prescribed anti-psychotics four and five years ago that she flushed. Even at that point, she didn't feel she needed them or had the support she needed to take them. As of now, she is living with us and is being cared for by us. She has attempted to move out quite a few times but has never made it past four months. Since she is living with us, we are responsible for her, yes. However, for her to get help, she has to accept of her own accord. Unfortunately, she is at the point where she doesn't comprehend how what she says is not making sense. She doesn't understand and then she forgets until the next episode.

We have contacted many places, but she would have to sign a waiver. We have talked to the police numerous times about our situation and they have told us that the only way we can get her into treatment forcefully is if we file an order for a mandatory mental evaluation. This costs a lot of money that we do not have.

This is why we have not gotten her the help that she needs, though we continue to talk to her on her rare lucid occasions. She has almost gone a few times. I hope that she someday gets the help she needs and can be our mother again.