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Home Is Where the Heart Is...

And why this annoying cliche, is technically right.

By Rowan FloresPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
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The last few years have been weird. I left the place I grew up and moved two states away. I started living with my fiancé (boyfriend at the time). Added to our fur family. It’s been a lot of growing up and a lot of reality checks. It’s been weird…but also eye opening and wonderful. Through all the stress of “adulting” and trying to steady ourselves in an ever changing world, we have managed to turn every living situation into our own space. No matter what the environment might have been, no matter what stressors were present, we somehow turned the spaces into a small sanctuary of sorts. A home. And all of this has me asking the question: What makes a home?

Home. It’s such a funny concept. If you look up the word “home” in a standard Google search, you will find, “The place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.” No disrespect to the all-knowing Google, but I would have to disagree with that definition. That description is fitting of a house, not a home. In an ideal world, yes, your physical house should feel like home. Or at least, have the same attributes of a home. But I wonder how many people would identify with that?

Think about it for a moment: what should coming home feel like? Some key words I think of are safe, loved, open, comforting, and peaceful even. Like always, everyone has their own definitions and interpretations, so this will vary. But generally speaking, coming home should feel like, well, home.

For me personally, I never equated home with a physical house. I mean, yes, if I was at home I was comfortable and I felt safe and all that jazz. But the feeling of being home, to me, is about the people I surround myself with. It’s about having access to loved ones where I feel supported. I find home in my encouraging family. It’s in the best friends I’ve had forever. I find home in my fiancé. I find it in the pets I have and take care of. I could be in a sky-rise apartment in New York City, or in a log cabin in Bozeman, Montana. The location has little effect on me. As long as I have connections to the beings I love, I am happy.

I think that what they say is true. Home really is where the heart is. But sometimes your heart isn’t at your house. Sometimes it’s with the people you love. Sometimes it’s in a distant city in another country. Sometimes it’s in a book you’ve had since you were ten. The problem is when people deviate from where their heart lies. When people stray too far and they get lost. That’s how you end up in some random city, working a job you don’t like, surrounded by people you can’t stand. It’s one reason why people have a mid-life crisis and feel like they need to reinvent themselves. They feel out of place and they are looking for answers. I’m not saying that you should hole yourself up and never go out to experience things outside your comfort zone. Not at all. I am actually telling you to go do the opposite. Go out. Feel uncomfortable. Learn what makes you feel safe versus unsafe. That “home” feeling isn’t going to jump out at you.

So what happens when you find your “home”? Well…to be honest, it’s going to be different for everyone. And it may be that you find (and lose) multiple homes before you find one that really makes you feel safe. Maybe your last home was too isolating. Or maybe it was too bossy. Or maybe your home was filled with old, hurtful memories and you needed to evict yourself. Humans will grow into and out of homes before finally finding one they truly belong in. You just have to give it time. But when you do find your true “home”, whatever or whoever that means to you, try to stick around. It keeps you grounded.

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About the Creator

Rowan Flores

Writing has always been a cathartic experience for me. I have been able to process a lot of demons by word vomiting into a keyboard. I hope that by reading my stories they allow you to do the same!

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