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An introduction of the author

By Arthur ArmstrongPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
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I’ve posted several poems and a story or so but I haven’t said much about myself yet so I suppose an introduction is in order.

My name is Arthur Armstrong (he/they).

In 2012 I was diagnosed with cPTSD and in 2019 I was diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar disorder.

For those unfamiliar (which is apparently a great deal of people) schizoaffective bipolar disorder is pretty much the unholy marriage of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

This means that not only do I have a cognitive disability and thought disorder (schizophrenia) but I also have a mood disorder (bipolar) to boot.

As you can probably imagine, this can lead to a great deal of misunderstandings in my life and relationships with others as this disorder still has many unknowns to even the doctors who study it, let to alone people who have no clue that it exists or that I have it.

I start my introduction by stating my disorder, not in an attempt to be defined by it but in hopes that it may provide some insight as to why my writings are the way that they are.

Thought disorders (such as schizophrenia) can make communication difficult due to “broken thoughts” (often characterized by jumps in a conversation from one topic to another and then back to the former in a seemingly “broken” manner) as well as the symptom of “alogia” (meaning poverty of speech).

Alogia is a negative symptom of schizophrenia (meaning it’s a symptom that TAKES AWAY from the sufferer’s physical abilities.) It manifests itself in many ways (as schizophrenia is a spectrum disorder and therefore affects each sufferer differently and extremely personally, hence why it is so difficult to understand).

Mine often manifests itself as the more commonly experienced “tip of my tongue” problem in which I cannot think of a word or name or phrase that I need in order to communicate. Even though I DO KNOW the word/name/phrase, my brain won’t let me think of it when I need it.

I understand this happens to every human occasionally but for me it happens several hundred times a day (pretty much any time I try to speak). It also makes it so that if I cannot think of the correct word or phrase, my brain will replace the WANTED word or phrase a different one. Sometimes the new word is related to the preffered word I want but it has a slightly different meaning and leads to misunderstandings. It can also replace it with a word that has no similar meaning at all and is ENTIREY WRONG or even a brand new word/phrase that my brain created by itself. This can make writing (and communicating in general) incredibly frustrating but it has also lead to some humorous moments in my life.

However if I become too stressed, the alogia progresses to where I cannot speak at all. This also is a big obstacle especially since it tends to happen in high stress situations in which being able to communicate is vital.

The more well known symptoms of schizophrenia (called “positive” symptoms because they ADD thoughts/experiences that should not be there instead of taking away from the sufferer’s ability to perform tasks like “negative” symptoms) are reflected in my works as well from paranoia, to delusions, to hallucinations.

Although my works may seem strange or confusing if one reads them without knowing of my condition, I believe that after explaining that the reason for the “strange” or “disconnected” thoughts is caused by illness, I can help more people to understand the condition instead of stigmatizing it.

My condition often makes writing quite difficult and frustrating for me at times but if I can help stop stigma and ignorance from progressing any more than it already has of late, it’s worth the swearing and chagrin.

Thank you for your time and I hope you enjoy.

stigma
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About the Creator

Arthur Armstrong

A being of duality, poetic irreverence, and maddening nonsense.

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