Do You Matter?

Like many, I instantly fell in love with the musical “Dear Evan Hansen.” I passively listened to the music for about a month, just enjoying the melody, guitar riffs, and lyrics. I started to piece the story together, but I ignored the theme until I binged on the show “13 Reasons Why” on Netflix, which hit me hard as a father, as a male, and as an overall human being. I jumped back into the music of Evan Hansen, and the pain took root.

Both Evan Hansen and 13 Reasons tackle teenage suicide, a theme that is not new but has struck a chord in me as of late. Suicide is lonely, a personified version of Zeno’s paradox (the belief that two objects never really touch). The choice of suicide, as presented in both of these shows, is a result of invisible personhood. Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) and Hannah Baker (13 Reasons Why) feel invisible for different reasons. While Hannah leaves behind tapes expressing “13 reasons” why she took her life, it was ultimately due to her traumatizing rape that isolated her identity. And with the mystery surrounding Connor’s death, we can infer from Evan’s own failed suicide attempt that Connor separated himself because he felt misunderstood and thought he would be able to “disappear” without anyone noticing.

My soul weeps for these characters because they resonate with so many real people. The popularity for Evan Hansen is not just due to the catchy beats or well-rounded acting, but to the fact that people do feel invisible. In a world of 8 billion? How can that be?

The question that these shows ask is, “Do we matter?” With so many people in the world, it’s easy to feel that your uniqueness is drowned out. We look to imitate not the people with the best qualities, morals, or courage, but the ones who are most popular simply because they are not invisible to anyone. They are seen! Yet, even the most celebrated may still fall into this isolation (i.e., Robin Williams, Michael Jackson, Richard Simmons).

Underneath the invisibility cloak that the world throws on us, our inner selves still define our existence, expressing our identity through “spiritualized matter.” We cannot see that which is invisible unless through that which is visible, namely our bodies. Hanna’s suicide is presented as a release of invisible pain, which she quietly (almost peacefully even) drifts away from.

It showcases life as a prison sentence and the body as the incarceration of the mind but never discusses the spiritual. Even Evan Hansen avoids the spiritual element of the human person. That’s where my pain sat for several weeks. I understand that religion has become tainted for so many, but you don’t have to be religious to know that there exists something hidden deep inside of you that cannot be explained.

There is an energy source that, rather than isolating us, intimately connects us. Call it your soul, spirit, God, or authentic self, but something is there that sets us apart.

“Dear Evan Hansen’s” suicide solution: a stable support network. Evan starts a campaign for Connor to remind people that “no one deserves to disappear,” playing on invisible personhood. The campaign goes viral and inspires thousands. “13 Reasons Why’s” suicide solution: standing up against the culture of rape.

The transformative hero of the show, Clay, literally stands up to Hannah’s rapist and secures a confession from him after taking a brutal beating.

When watching these shows, there comes a responsibility not to allow suicide to appear glamorous (as in the show Heathers). 13 Reasons portrays suicide as a way to get revenge on your enemies, and Dear Evan Hansen showcases it as a way to capitalize on one’s anxiety. We must remember that even if we feel invisible, we are not.

We must draw out the invisible spirit of our uniquely unrepeatable selves. It is through our physicality that our invisible identity is seen. The best parts of us are hidden, only to be revealed through our physical choices, voices, actions, expressions, ideas, etc.

Suicide is lonely. You are not alone. You are loved, whether you feel it or not. Open up your invisible wounds to several people you trust, not just one person; that way, you don’t put the weight of your existence on the response of someone who may not understand how you feel. Build a support network and remind yourself that you matter. No one deserves to disappear. Life is a tragically beautiful play, and you have your role in it. Ask what it is. You may not fulfill that role for many years from now, but you can never bask in the spotlight of your destiny if you skip rehearsal.