Days

Have you ever had one of those days, the one where when you just wake up and you already want it to be over. You know the kind of days I'm talking about, the ones where you count down the minutes until you can lay in bed and restart. It's funny what the ability of eight short hours is capable of doing, and how we let its power over us.

You wake up every morning and probably continue the same morning routine that you have been following for the past year, maybe even longer. This routine has been your staple for your day to day life, but why? Is it because you're afraid to lose the comfortable structure that you know? You yearn for the desire to have things be done the exact same way that they should? Or is it because you're afraid that if you don't continue this routine your life will fall apart in shambles around you.

We as humans have made life a routine, from when we wake up and even the time we have sex. It is like the world is in a competition to see whose life could be the most held together pile of chaos. We leave little room for surprise due to the fear of it corrupting what we have. We meticulously plan every little thing in our lives, even if we don't really think we are. So when a tiny drop of the unexpectedness hits us, we fold in on ourselves like a paper house.

Anger. It is the most common emotion we use when things don't go to plan. We get short with people, irritated at meaningless actions, and make the world our personal vendetta. We run and hide, too scared to face the wrath we have caused from our actions. We cower under the covers of our bed, binge watch some TV and pretend that the day didn't occur, and just check it off as a bad day. Drowning out any form of wrong emotion we may have had.

When a baby is first learning to crawl or walk, there is nothing but struggle. They react with a short burst of anger, but find themselves trying again over and over. Never fearing the failure that is sure to come. As we grow older we tend to lose that self, instead of short burst it's an outrage and a shot of whiskey. Many of us lose the ability to enjoy our emotions and instead ice them over with a fake smile. We cope in whatever way we know how, and hide whatever feelings we may have experienced deep down masking whatever design of our former selves there once was.

There is this fear that if we let a bad day over power us, that we are weak. Weakness is no longer observed as a desired attribute. If you are weak, then you are not worthy. So we take those feelings brought in from the day, and twist them into a more profitable emotion that can be used to its advantage. We get drunk to forget, get high to laugh it off, or have sex to ease it all. Despite that the underlying strain will always be there.

So those days that go on forever, you know which ones I am talking about. Those days will continue to grow and attach themselves to our lives, slowly becoming the new normal. It is until we learn to really adjust and understand ourselves that those days will then only become a small blur in our journey.