How To Handle A Drunk Friend

If you've been following my writing, then you know I'm a party animal. Though many people would say that partying isn't good for you, I'll beg to differ. I think that partying has a lot to teach you – particularly when it comes to social skills.

One of the best skills I've learned from my party days is how to handle a drunk friend. Over the years, I've been able to save people from alcohol poisoning, find people roaming the streets as they sobbed hysterically over an ex, and also break up fights before they go out of control.

Honestly, though, I wish that someone would have told me how to handle a drunk friend before I had to deal with it myself. If you have yet to learn this skill, allow me to teach you what no one really told me.

Gauge the kind of drunk your friend is.

There are many different types of drunk out there. There are happy drunks, horny drunks, sad drunks, angry drunks, and the quiet drunks that slowly manage to drink themselves into a coma. The kind of drunk that people become also can change depending on circumstance.

Each kind of drunk will typically have different kinds of problems associated with them. Here's how to handle a drunk friend who's just party drunk and causing situations at your place.

• Happy drunks will just make an ass out of themselves, be hilarious, then puke everywhere. You have to watch out that they don't do something reckless. You possibly will babysit them.
• Sad drunks are just painful to hang out with, may make a scene, and also will puke everywhere. They can kill a party vibe, and it's often best to call them an Uber and get them home.
• Angry drunks can become a party nightmare, and often need to be distracted. Otherwise, they may assault someone. If you are at a club, getting security involved is an option - especially if you can't distract them away from a fight. If you're at home, you may need to enlist help of fellow friends to get him to calm down or ask him to leave. Generally, you should never invite an angry drunk to a party, because it's never easy to figure out how to handle a drunk friend that just took a swing at you.
• Quiet drunks are the people you never realize are drunk until they collapse. They don't say much. They just drink. A lot. Just check on them to make sure they aren't dying of alcohol poisoning.
• Sloppy drunks are the friends who swear they aren't drunk, all the while knocking over everything in sight. They often will puke by the end of the night, and also are more likely to get alcohol poisoning. Babysitting is a good idea.
• Horny drunks are the ones who get very handsy, and they are not typically good people to have at a party. They can get creepy with girls, and that can easily cause people to feel uncomfortable at parties. Moreover, some might even go so far as to sexually assault others. If you can, get them an Uber home - or put them in a room where they can pass out.

Remember, as a sober friend, you need to make sure that your drunk friends don't do anything that could ruin their lives afterwards. This is a huge part of being a good friend.

While some social circles will excuse drunk behavior, most will not forget what was said or done when someone got too wasted. Whether we like it or not, just saying "I was drunk" doesn't give you a life reset button.

If your friend is a horny drunk who's currently engaged, get him away from other women. Similarly, if your friend is typically an angry drunk, do your best to dissuade him from drinking too much.

Take their keys.

Friends do not let friends drive drunk. People can die this way, and if a police officer catches them, it's very easy to end up in a bad situation. Many states will go after party hosts and bartenders who let people drive drunk, too.

Legally speaking, you need to take their keys. The best way to do this is to take them before they're visibly drunk and out of control. Just tell them, "Look, lemme take the keys. I'll make sure you get home safe by the end of the night."

Most people, even when fairly intoxicated, will appreciate it. If they don't want to give up the keys, being a bit firmer will often do the trick. If they still don't, tell them that you don't want to see them drive drunk and that you'll drive them so they can call that hot girl eyeing them.

Worst comes to worst, you may need to distract them and take them out of their pocket - or just call them an Uber and tell them it's time to go home.

If you notice someone making a scene, you may need to intervene.

Some people are just bad drunks. We all know at least one friend who fits the bill - and at times, everyone has that streak in them. It could be the friend who's a sober angel, but a wicked queen when drunk. It could be the one who is just really sloppy and gross. Or, it could just be the one who dissolves into tears the moment anything happens. We all know one.

Here's how to handle a drunk friend that's making a scene in a social setting:

• Distract them. Most angry drunks will typically calm down if you distract them easily. Even pointing behind them and saying, "Dude, I think that girl just flashed a guy," is enough to get them to stop. Similarly, guiding away a happy drunk from doing something particularly lethal can be done using diversions.
• Bring them back to reality. Sad drunks and sloppy drunks tend to react well to being brought back to reality. Just pull them into the bathroom and lock them there with you for a minute or two. Tell them that the way they're acting is making them look bad, and more often than not, they'll stop.
• Give them lollipops or something else to suck on. Most angry drunks, when given something to suck on, calm down. Don't ask why it works; I don't know either. Back in my party days, I used to carry ring pops for this very reason.
• Detach. Some drunks, like the happy drunk, are often just partying it up and looking crazy. As long as they aren't showing signs of alcohol poisoning or doing something dangerous, you shouldn't worry about how to handle a drunk friend like this. Just let them get weird, and tell them what they did in the morning.
• Get them away from targets. Horny drunks are best distracted with an "alternate target" when they get too gropey. If things get really bad and they turn into an angry-horny drunk, tell them that the person wasn't worth it anyway, and call them a cab home. This way, no one gets assaulted.
• Avoid saying "you" statements. For some reason, many angry, sad, and horny drunks react very badly when they're told they've been having too much to drink.
• Send them home. If they are really killing the vibes and regular fixes don't work, call them a cab and send them home. Be firm, and don't be afraid to call for backup.

Assuming that all this works, you should have no problem getting them home.

How to handle a drunk friend who's showing signs of alcohol poisoning.

You can drink alcohol and have a good time. You can drink alcohol and get wasted. You can also drink enough alcohol to potentially kill you. If you notice any of the following signs, then your friend has alcohol poisoning and needs medical attention:

• Blue lips or fingertips. They may become pale, too. This is a sign that they may have to be seen in the ER. Call 911 if you see this.
• Clammy hands. If you notice they're becoming cold, you need to call 911.
• Slow breath. Not a good sign. You may need to watch them to see if things get better. If you notice it worsening beyond a breath every 10 seconds, call an ambulance.
• Unresponsiveness. Did they stop responding to you? If you pinch them, do they just stand still? Are they out cold, puking, and still not waking up? Call an ambulance. They're at risk of slipping into a coma.
• Drowsiness. This is a sign of alcohol poisoning, but it doesn't always warrant a trip to the ER. In many cases, the problem can be solved with a "babysitter" at home - or it could be because they are legitimately tired.

Never let a drunk "sleep it off" alone. Many drunk people either slip into a coma and die, or end up choking on their own vomit. If you notice them getting sleepy, make sure to turn your friend on their side with one knee curled up towards their chest. This way, if they throw up in their sleep, they won't be as likely to choke to death.

If you're the only sober person there, make sure that you regularly check on people's breath, and pulses. Should you notice problems worsening, call a doctor or an ambulance.

Learn from past mistakes.

Sometimes, the best way to learn how to handle drunk friends is through experience. Everyone gets a little wasted once in a while, but there are certain moments where you need to realize that it's not always about learning how to handle a drunk friend.

If your drunk friend put you in danger, regularly ruins the party, or repeatedly puts you in a position where you have to get police involved, the best way to deal with that drunk friend is not to drink with them.