Truth and expenses

You’ve taken what wasn’t yours to take. You’ve lied passed the point of being able to escape what comes next. Your surrender and eventually, you begging me to yield. I will be clear in a bit, once the truth comes out that you’re habitual. That and all the shame hidden behind your faux personality that is illogical to a point where I can’t help but laugh that you ever saw me as inferior. You are nothing, and I lifted your useless ass up over my head to be left abandoned, broken-hearted, so you can be seen as a victim, again? If you only knew, I loved you, none of that had anything to do with pity. It’s such an ugly look, but you’re proving it is apropos.

Do you know what I’ve done, since you left? I’ve waited, loyal, broken, but I never gave up, as I told you I never would have. So now, you’re sullying the name of the only person that gave all they had to you? What was split, was split, but the fact is, you’ve yet to backtrack which voids any excuse. In your mind, in your heart, you know what’s true. It matters not that others aren’t aware, it’s that you know. And you know better. You know, and are still reaching. You may be entirely filth, but don’t you see that your reaching has me ready to hold you in the sty you’ve made until everyone knows the truth. Whoever you’ve met, since leaving me for death, will be told details that will make the shame you store in the depths of your soul leave as there will be no remaining room for it. Your mistake was feeling superior, but being much less than. In your arrogance, you failed to know me at all. Had you, you’d know my conviction. How I will hurt myself to make sure justice exists. You made it personal at the start, you child. Now you’ll be taking my place. Sitting and hoping. You’ll hope that I’ll pity you, and I never ever will. Hope that I’ll feel bad when tears flow in public, when you’re emptying your account to replace what you’ve stolen, or happen to miss having you personally reach out to anyone you’ve said my name in deceit to, and I can promise, on my unconditional love for you that I’ve always had, I will never feel bad, you’ve earned it all. The only thing I offer, is a chance for vindication, through repentance and humility. My hand has stayed extended, and will always be. You will never decide my worth is less than strangers thinking you’re a victim. Do you not see that you’re literally making it harder for people that actually need help?

I want this to have been a bad dream, and if you will never face the person that until day two of four you wanted forever, before creating a narrative that will never stand, and even at my best, I can’t guide you past the humiliation. You owe, so much more, and that’s fine. Fix all you’ve broke and I will walk away for good. Asking for my help, is always an option too. If you are so delusional that you think I won’t sacrifice everything as you’ve left me with only the truth left, to show anyone you’ve brought into your chaotic world based on lie upon lie, who you truly are. Whoever is now me, or in the process, will be shown what you absolutely hope they wouldn’t see. Until I’m satisfied, every time you try to start again, I will be the truth you lack. In your callous ignorance, when you decided my fate without consent, you’ve handed me absolute control. The longer it takes for you to see that, the more I will take. A pound of flesh does me no good when you owe more than you have to give. If my love isn’t enough, even the offer of civility upon replenishment, then I will take back what is mine through a meticulously orchestrated deconstruction of everything you’ve ever been or known. I’ve done this before, and all you’ve done, I can do better. As you’re aware, nothing hurts as much as the undeniable truth. I will remain hopeful for as long as I can. I have to say, I’m spent, this is all me holding on with only willpower. Once I let go the apathy the other side of me operates with is deafening in its silence. Offers once made, may be taken away.

How I’ve managed to keep you held up above my head, while you vomit your dishonesty all over me, is a testament to my strength. There are those that actually need my strength, and I’m not going to sit wasting what’s left on the imposter you’ve become or at least act like you became. Show me, show everyone that you’re sick. Accept help, and you’ll have the pity you seek. You cannot have it through me. I’ve fought my demons, and always fought yours. I will give nothing more than I have. My unconditional love wasn’t enough? Meaning, neither am I? That’s not your place to decide. Are you a god now, in your superior being? A god based on only lies, you may be onto something. I was put on your path so I could help you or you could refuse in the face of my purest intentions. You’ll take your shame, your ways, without knowing yourself or anyone, to your miserable lonely grave. I hope you prove me wrong, and fight now, for what will be your existence. If nothing else, fix this. Or I’ll use your world as the universal tool to fix it myself whatever it takes to stop you from thinking any of this is acceptable as a human being to be in the world. I know how petty and how weak you are, more than you do. This story ends how I say, you’ve forfeited the right to any say. What you don’t know, is all I’ve already set in motion. I’ve been steps ahead of you since the start. Since I was blind, I still had plays made in case. Your underestimation will be the bane of your usual routine. It all ends right here, right now. Please make this easy on us both as you, and only you, have made it the way it is.

Nothing I did justifies this or even a single molecule of what you’ve done to me. I suggest you start with simplicity. Apologize and admit you need help. I won’t leave you as you did to me. I didn’t start the fire. I will be the one to extinguish it so it could never exist again. You’re reckless and dangerous, you are only a victim of yourself. You’ve done all this. You wouldn’t believe how I see just how weak you are now that you’ve littered my house, our house, your internet? I’d laugh if it all didn’t hurt so much. It still hurts less than it did when I was hurtful towards other people. It hurts and also heals. I would love to show you. The pride you hold behind “I didn’t cheat”, is, well, I would’ve taken that in a second over what you gave me. So, shut up with your pride. I assume your “isolation” consisted of 12 hours a day telling yourself how awesome you are? I hate to tell you, but they canceled the circus. They will not be in need of anymore clowns.

The truth always shows itself. And I will never allow it to be silenced. I will, however, forgive you without you even seeking forgiveness. The fact you act blind to what you’re doing is on you. No diagnosis, without appropriate treatment, gives you the right to act with your borderline insanity, while ruining people’s lives, that you stink of. You’ve lost touch with reality. I promise I’ll show you the way. Whether you’re willing or not will be the only choice you’ll have. Love wins. I lose, no matter the conclusion. I will not allow others to have to find themselves lost in your tricks as I was. Breaking hearts is just objectively an awful way to be. It stops now.

Your routine and your ways stop here.

Shed the new snake skin you’re in now so I don’t have to skin what you took from the ashes of my heart. I would bet my life you speak only the languages school set you up for. Hide from all, I will pull the curtain back. You, like the wizard are just a bitter old person that never achieved what you expected would be given. You’ve earned nothing, stop trying to take from those that have bled for what they have, even if you see it as inferior.

The envious thieving liar is inferior to all.

I leave this message to the ghost that haunts me with this final thought. I know you are more than you think. The time you spend blaming yourself for not being better than everyone else could be spent helping people or yourself. Then, you’ll begin to heal. In time the soul I fell in love with, that you can’t see through your self sabotaging irrelevant thoughts will be who you are. You’ll be able to be prideful only then. Everyone you’ve hurt, including myself, allowed you to by being vulnerable and letting you choose to love or hurt them.

For a shocking reveal, I’d do it all again. You’re worth it, deep beneath what you’ve allowed to rule you. If you stay the course, realize that I’ve offered all you sought. If I was unable to offer a prerequisite, it’s on you for choosing me. Look in the mirror or I’ll make sure everyone sees what you fear the most. The truth. That being said, being so completely removed from anything true, how can you even be sure the thoughts that light your way aren’t cancerous? They are. You can choose, now, to stop being as well. How is your ego feeling that I figured you out without any explanation from you. In fact, in spite of your maneuvers I see it all.

I never fail to find whoever is hiding.

Even if you find a way to win, I will put billboards up on the office roads and another in Madison. And I’ll do it until you fix what you did and promise to seek help. Welcome to the suck!

Do you actually think people don’t know who you are? All they hear is you trashing ex’s, over and over, they know you’re the problem. People are mostly stupid, but you’ve guided them to see you for the truth. I hadn’t even realized, maybe till I saw you made the decision spontaneously, not months before. You did it less than 24 hours after I broke down in front of you. You’re utterly gross. Waiting 2 days was just too much. Well now you’ve got me till this is finished. But, there wasn’t a new guy, so, you’re still not terrible through and, oh wait, remembered everything else. Yeah, you need to stop this. I’ll be showing the results to everyone at work as well.