Trans Pride

It is hard to say the exact moment that I loved him, them, the person before me bound by titles and gender expectations. Our society brainwashes us to believe that we all need to subscribe to our pre determined groups based on our sex organs at birth. Luckily I have never been the type to follow blindly and without question. For the beginning of my dating years I became a straight passing part of our society. I was never in a closet that resembled the closests of people whom I had seen struggle before. I have always liked, loved, understood and pursued women, all my life. I have never been secretive about It and I am also never extremely forthcoming with my private endeavors. My closet was my own built of repressed self reflection. Had I chosen this internal redoric that homosexuality is Synonymous with being a sinner damned to hell.

My dating started at 16, heteronormative as to be suspected. At this time I was only just realizing that my oldest sister was and had been a lesbian, seemingly all of my life. At this time I found myself unable to understand why this would be a bad thing. The more I tried to understand the less since it made. My question has always been “why do people care so, much about who other people love?” If God said "Judge not lest ye be judged” why do people who speak on behalf of god to tell others that they are wrong in their love. They believe it is ok to swiftly pass judgment on those who want the right to love someone based on content of character and expression of love vs. contents of someones pants. I too internalized this idea, I conformed for 12 years to the expected image. Boyfriends, weight obsessed, dressed up, with longhair, it may not have been a lie but it was not my full truth.

Why do people use love as reason to hate? My mother has always been rather intolerant about homosexuality. For years I begged her to let my sister Candice’s wife to come to thanksgiving then Christmas, she never did. She never allowed them to be a part of the family in a way that I felt was very important. Who wants to be the one excluded from sharing your life and family with your immediate and extended families? At that point you choose your own family forsaking the idea of being able to have a healthy relationship with your blood family, you find people who accept you and love you for who you are. That is your true family.

When I met Keagan we worked together at a restaurant in Louisiana. He wasn’t sure if I was straight or lesbian but he thought for sure that he would have no chance (his words). We started hanging out after work but I had little to no idea that he was trans. It wasn’t until he suspected that we might be branching further than just hanging out as friends that he told me drunkenly that he “was like a build your own ken doll.” He was terrified to disclose that he was trans because he might not live up to some preconceived idea of what makes a man. Like many others in his position he feared rejection. To me I loved the person that I had been hanging out with for weeks, I didn’t care, why would I when everything I loved was deep in the soul, eyes, and in the connection we shared. As to be expected past trauma on both of our perspectives did cause some waves in the beginning but we dedicated ourselves to creating true path ways for compassion, understanding, and self expression. We have been together for 6 years and we continue to help each other grow.

Trans people are valid in every way. If anything it is the damage done to us as children when we are brainwashed to believe that there is one norm and anything that challenges that is wrong, evil, or sinful. I am so happy to see the current and future generations breaching this wall and allowing there to be more fluidity during child hood. We should not suppress creativity and interests because they are blue or pink. Clothing has no sex organs, It is a preconceived idea that dresses are only for girls and girls should exude femininity. Some females are not feminine leaning in their behaviors, self expression, and actions, this is OK! Most of the men I dated were more on the feminine side because men have feminine qualities as well. When we try to put people in boxes we create stigma and anxiety when a person doesn’t live up to the “status quo.” The status quo should be for use to enjoy our individuality and the individuality of others.

Getting your boobs cut off is the same as getting implants. People choose body modifications of all kinds to self express to the fullest of their abilities. Today people barely bat an eye when a women wants a nose job, lip injections, Brazilian butt lift, breast implants, breast reduction, or liposuction to propel her to some unattainable standard of beauty. But the second someone wants to remove their tits entirely or create tits where there were none, when they choose to take testosterone or estrogen to change their voice, their general physique, and gain muscles or reduce muscle mass, people are quick to judge them as less than the average women or man. They are not less than, they are more than, they are able to see from the perspective of both genders and for that they can be extremely understanding and sympathetic to both sides.

I lost the straight passing privilege that I once had when I was to scared of being rejected by my family. But what I gained was more that I would have ever lost. The people who didn’t, don’t, and wouldn’t accept me don’t deserve the free loving non judgmental person that I am, willing to love anyone regardless of gender, culture, or race. We should choose love, not hate, and maybe If we did we could rebuild this world with out hateful rhetoric of bias and judgment in our hearts and minds. We judge ourselves the harshest, so you have the ability to free yourself from your own judgment. Accept yourself for where, who or what you are and embrace the qualities that make you uniquely you. You are loved, you are valued, you are alive, you are important.