Alley of Longing in the City of Forbidden Love
Strong sun lights up every stone, touches every forehead, then melts into a blazing, seething red that spasms and curves and spills into the mountains as it dies in a fiery mess.
My Transgender Son Has No ‘Dead Name’
A dead name is a term that some within the transgender community use when referring to their birth name. As a parent of a transgender young adult, I’ve never been a fan of this term. It feels laced with morbidity, despair, and foreboding.
I Am Still Valid
I am a pansexual woman who has never had a serious relationship with anyone who doesn't identify as a male. I have had "talking" stages with individuals who identify as a gender other than male, but it never went past that stage. In my teenage years, this was mainly due to my fear of being out to people other than those in my small friend group. Currently, it is due to another reason.
Being Positive: Part 1
On September 3rd, 2020 I went to a local hospital’s ER, as I spent the last week with COVID-19 like symptoms as well as vomiting everything I had ingested for a week’s time. Upon being admitted to the ER routine covid, blood, and urine tests were taken, and after several of hours of vomiting and sitting in an ER room alone a doctor finally came in around 9:30p. He told me that my covid tests were negative, but then he asked if I was aware of my positive status. I told him no and asked him what I was positive for, because I was quite puzzled with what he meant by positive status. He quickly looked down and that’s when he said, “Your HIV positive status.”
What does it mean to be Demisexual?
In fact, I'm certain I'm demisexual, but I have this weird thing where I feel like I can't claim a label unless someone else confirms it, and so far the few people I've shared this notion with have basically just thought I was weird (which I am, but that's beside the point). I write about sex, after all. How can I be demi-sexual if I'm writing about sex all the time?
Nature Vs Nurture Vs Diethylstilbestrol
It all started as a life line; a quest to put something, anything, in order. Perhaps it was survivors guilt or maybe a thinly veiled vanity project. At any rate it started, and soon stopped. I wondered what needed to be said or if anything could be rationalized after all. The narrative had been banging around in my head for as long as I could remember, but recording it was too lofty a project and not really what I had intended. Nor was it within my grasp. I resigned myself to simply organize the disparate voices and find a platform from which to build contentment. Even at this, I imagined, the gods would snicker. And as my hand cramped, I saw how futile the endeavor would be. I put down my crayon.
Piñata: My Asexual Coming-of-Age
My first kiss, alone with someone in their bed, was devoid of lust. It started chaste and kind. I knew how to decipher it until my lover laid a hand on my waist and tugged me closer into her. For her, the moment became adrenaline-fueled. This was a part of our relationship that I think she had looked forward to for some time.
A Random Google Search Helped Me Discover Who I Am
Have you ever been metaphorically hit in the face in a moment you least expect it? Sure you have. Who hasn't right? Did it hurt or did it somehow drive you to some kind of a breakthrough moment?
Do I have grief...
I was recently asked if I have grief over identifying as a Transgender-Lesbian. Although it wasn’t asked in a derogatory way, the question stirred up a few emotions within me. And in the spirit of it being Pride Month, I thought I would share.
On the Merits of Being Out
This essay was previously published on the website Leatherati in 2015. I wrote it and hold all rights to the content. On November 1st, 2015, Mr. Hardy Haberman presented his keynote address, “Welcome to the War on Sex,” at Leather Fiesta, an annual celebratory and educational event for kinksters, held in Albuquerque, New Mexico. In his powerful speech, Hardy claimed that now that the LGBT Rights campaign has been essentially won, those who fight us have moved on to the Transgender community as their next target. Our enemies’ goal? To instill fear into the hearts and minds of the American public. When they lose this battle, for they will lose this fight too, who will be next? Hardy predicts, and I agree with his assessment, that the next fight will be against leather folk, kinksters, and BDsM in general. With varied communities under our header, ranging from leather-clad gay men to dykes who ride on bikes, twinks in puppy gear to whip-wielding women who dominate men, and an environment that fosters openly pleasurable relationships between individuals of one, many, or no gender, individuals of differing orientations and with sexual proclivities that would shake the conservative base to the core, “they” will have much material with which to maintain the Puritanical status quo that sex is dirty, bodies are bad, and desires should be kept secret or expunged via criminal prosecution, brainwashing, or violence. Hardy offered a number of means with which we may combat this coming inquisition, and among these means was that we as a group need to be open. I have read and heard numerous diatribes from countless individuals who rail against being out for this reason and that, we all have. I am tired of hearing about all the things that we can’t do; that we are not supposed to do. I do not believe that outness is right for every person, but I am 100% out and open. I refuse to live in closets and I have had positive experiences as a result. Being out has been the best choice for me because it has given me a chance to break misconceptions, inspire those who are unsure, and protect our community.
Daddy Oh Daddy!
~Daddy~ What kind of secret could you have that's so bad? What did you do, that you would think we'd never forgive you for?
Let Your Freak Flag Fly
If you don't feel like you fit in where you are, you have two options: beat 'em or join 'em, right? Of course, there are numerous other possibilities, like moving away or finding new people to hang out with, but, as a teenager, these options weren't really available to me. Unfortunately for me, the people I wasn't fitting in with were my family, and almost my entire class. Don't get me wrong, I had some friends, but that wasn't enough to shield me from the feeling of constantly grating up against everyone and everything, like rubbing sandpaper the wrong way.