Excommunicated at 14

When I was fourteen I was caught in the arms and bed of a sexy little boy just three years my junior. Problem is I was also a boy and this was the 1970's. I mention this story in my book Silent Cries, A Memoir. Why do I mention this here? I am starting to advocate more for gay youth as I know the first hand challenges they face. What was it like to be excommunicated by the Pastor and Youth Pastor? It was very difficult as a teenager to understand what was going on and why. The family attended an Independent Fundamental Baptist Church with strict adherence to the bible. Being gay wasn't allowed nor would they discuss it with you.

Before I was excommunicated the church had to take certain steps. First I met with the pastor who told me I was living a life of sin and I had to turn away from it. I refused, but the boy with whom I had been caught with had already moved away. I was given a timeline and when I refused to capitulate, the pastor and another member of the church talked to me. I refused to turn from my wicked ways as they called it. Some weeks later they came with the preacher and two other witnesses for their church discipline records.

I was at school and was called to the preachers office. I was this isn't good so off I went. As I arrived at his office his staff said I was there. He called me in and told me, I could accept the discipline of being excommunicated in his office or in front of the congregation on Sunday, which was about two-thousand six hundred every week. To save my family the embarrassment, I allowed them to do it in the office. We lived in the country and my home was twenty-five miles from the church. I called my parents and they said I had to wait. The preacher said I had ten minutes to be off of school grounds. Since my parents were unwilling to pick me up, I called my grandmother who showed up as quick as she could . I went back in and asked to sit in the office as it was raining and told them my granny was on her way, but it would take her thirty minutes. They allowed me to wait until she came in and signed me out. Because we were nearing the end of the school year they let my final grades stand. That evening while at my grandmothers I was told I would be living with my grandmother.

This song, All By Myself was me throughout all of my youth as I felt abandoned, alone and scared. After being excommunicated many churches wouldn't let me attend because my gayness would rub off on some of the other children. I kind of felt like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer not being allowed to participate in a lot of events. I went home with my father that evening with nothing said between us. When we arrived home, he told me to go to my room, which was the camping trailer. As I entered my trailer the loneliness hit me. I had no one to talk too and no television to watch. This was before cable. That night my father came out to my trailer and said I had go to work with him everyday because I couldn't be trusted. Instead of my father trying to get to understand and know me, he was always preaching about Sodom and Gomorrah. When we arrived home at 3pm, I was sent to my trailer again.

When I entered my trailer my dinner was already on the hot plate waiting. There had been a space heater placed in there as well because it was expected to be unseasonably cool that night. The next morning I woke up to chaos. The Sheriff was there investigating a child abuse complaint. There was a knock on the door and they walked in to speak with me. When they were satisfied I was safe and not abused, they left. I ended up staying home because they left late. I sat in the trailer with nothing to do and listening to the radio for eight hours is boring. I went out to the pasture and starting talking to one of the horses. His name was midnight because he was solid black. At least the horses listened to me and didn't judge me. That evening I was sent to my grandmothers house to stay until Christmas break. I would see my father very little as per usual. All the time being told I was worldly and defiant as hell.

By the start of the tenth grade I was living with my father again, in the same camping trailer. I was there for two months before being sent back to live with my mother by the judge. Finally, after six months of being excommunicated from the church, my father and stepmother excommunicated me from the family by telling me I was no longer allowed to visit because of being gay. Living with my mother wasn't any easier because she basically kept giving her boyfriends permission to have their way with me. This song, sums up what is like to be alone as sung by another man who is gay and I never knew until I was adult.