Everyday Habits for Meaningful LGBTQ+ Solidarity

When we discuss being a good ally to the LGBTQ+ community, the conversation often goes to high-profile moments: corporate campaigns, crowded festivals, and loud public debates. In the middle of all that noise, it can feel like being a good ally requires a heroic gesture, a massive platform, and flawless knowledge and vocabulary. In truth, for most LGBTQ+ individuals, the most subtle actions can lead to feelings of trust-- not public spectacles. Real solidarity isn't a trend you follow for the month of June or a badge you wear; it is simply a practice of creating small safe spaces for the people right in front of you.

If you want to ensure that you are practicing meaningful solidarity, here are a few everyday habits you can start right now.

1. Match Their Energy

When a family member, friend, or coworker shares a personal detail about their identity or relationship, it can be hard to know how to react.

The Simple Step: Match their energy. If you're having a nice, casual moment and they say "Yeah, my partner and I love that place...," respond just as casually by continuing the conversation how you would. "What's your favorite part about it?" You don't need to acknowledge the fact that they used the term "partner." It is only if they sit you down and have a vulnerable "coming out" moment with you that you should acknowledge it, and then you should give them your undivided attention and support.

Why it Matters: It shows them that you are following their lead. By overreacting, you make something casual into a larger deal than it needs to be. The moment isn't about your reaction; matching their energy shows that you are accepting them as they present themselves.

2. Follow Their Lead

Guessing someone's pronouns or jumping to conclusions about someone's sexuality the moment you get "a vibe" might be tempting, but could lead to awkwardness.

The Simple Step: Don't assume or guess. Instead, wait until the person naturally reveals how they refer to themselves or their relationships in casual conversation. If the person hasn't explicitly shared their pronouns or mentioned a partner, sticking to a neutral language like their name or "they" is a safer option until they set the standard.

Why It Matters: It is important to give people the autonomy to introduce themselves on their own terms and at their own pace. For example, a transgender person may not have begun transitioning yet, and could still have traits for the gender that they were assigned at birth. If you guess incorrectly, this could be embarrassing or uncomfortable for them. When you wait, you let them be in control of the narrative.

3. Do Your Homework On Your Own Time

Curiosity and being willing to get educated is a good thing, especially when there is a lot of terminology and experiences to learn about. However, people often treat their closest LGBTQ+ friend as a walking encyclopedia, expecting them to be able to explain every related concept on demand.

The Simple Step: When you encounter a term, piece of news, or a concept that you don't fully understand, don't put a friend on the spot to explain it— especially if it didn't come up naturally in a conversation with that friend. Take a quick moment to research it yourself.

Why It Matters: I'm sure there are many LGBTQ+ people who would love to share their knowledge, and if any of them have explicitly told you that this was okay, then go for it! However, doing your own research can protect the people in your life from feeling like a spokesperson for the entire community. Everybody's experiences are different, so reframing your questions for your friend to be about their own personal experiences may be a better route.

4. Correct Yourself and Move On

If you are actively trying to unlearn old habits, you'll eventually make a mistake, and that's okay.

The Simple Step: When it happens, don't launch into a massive apology about how terrible you feel. Instead, make a small, calm correction and keep the conversation going. "Then he— sorry, they—canceled on me."

Why It Matters: Over-apologizing makes it about you and puts the affected person in the uncomfortable position of comforting you. A quick correction shows respect without centering your feelings.

The common thread among these steps is that none of them require you to be the loudest in the room, and many times, those are the steps that are appreciated the most. Navigating the world authentically comes with a constant anxiety for many LGBTQ+ individuals. By practicing these habits, you are letting them know that they are safe with you. You don't need to have a massive platform to be an ally; you just need to adjust your everyday habits.

Happy Pride Month!