A Handy Guide to Sexuality

Hi there! I'm Danny, and I'm pansexual. Growing up, I struggled with a clusterfuck of sexual identities before settling on one that felt like me. As an adult, I've become passionate about acknowledging queer youth and helping them find their way in a world which clearly was not made for us. There's so much out there, and most of it is left unspoken, as if it's sinful or invalid. I want to change this.

So, what is sexual orientation, and why does it matter?

Sexuality has to do with the way we identify, and the ways that (if at all) we experience sexual attraction. Sexuality is fluid - able to change in ways over the years, and ebbing and flowing in different situations. By speaking about queer identities, we bring attention to those that encompass them, and normalize every type of identity. Speaking about identities can also help those who are struggling to understand themselves put a name or a feeling to who they are as a person, and help them feel accepted within a community.

So, what are the different sexual orientations?

Terms A to C:

Abrosexual: a term used to describe a sexuality which changes frequently, fluctuating between straight and bi, as an example

Achillean: this term refers to a man or man-aligned person who is attracted to other men or men-aligned people. It is meant to encompass men and AMAB non-binary individuals who identify as queer, bisexual, pansexual, or other sexualities in which men are attracted to men. Achillean differs from gay in that it is multisexual rather than monosexual.

Allosexual: a word describing those who experience sexual attraction. Use of this term helps normalize the experience of being asexual and provides more specificity to those who don't identify as such.

Androsexual: sexual or romatic attraction to men or males, regardless of anatomy or sex assigned at birth.

Androgynosexual: the attraction towards men of women of particularly androgynous appearance.

Asexual (ace): Asexual orientation means the lack of sexual attraction to others, although like anything, asexuality is a spectrum. Some aces feel repulsed by sexual activity, while others may participate in it with those they are in a relationship with. This is called cupiosexual. Other asexuals, referred to as libidoist asexuals, find enjoyment in self-stimulation or masturbation.

Autosexual: a term used to describe those who are sexually attracted to themselves.

Bisexual: an orientation that describes the attraction to two or more genders, within and outside of the binary.

Cupiosexual: an orientation on the asexual spectrum in which an individual does not experience sexual attraction, but experiences the desire to participate in a sexual relationship.

Terms D to L

Demisexual: an identity on the asexual spectrum in which individuals experience sexual attraction only after building a romantic or emotional relationship with someone. This does not mean that a demisexual will always develop attraction to those with whom they have an emotional connection. It simply opens a possibility.

Freysexual: considered by some to be the opposite of demisexual, fre(a)ysexual refers to those who experience sexual attraction to those they do not know very well. However, this attraction often fades as the individual gets to know the person better.

Enbian: the term enbian has two meanings: a non-binary person who is sexually attracted to other non-binary people, or a relationship or attraction in which everyone involved is non-binary.

Gay: a term describing an individual experiencing attraction to a person of the same gender. Though gay used to be referred to as homosexual, this is now an outdated term which should not be used.

Greysexual (Grey Ace): a label on the asexual spectrum in which an individual experiences sexual attraction at some moments, but less often than an allosexual individual. Some greysexuals experience sexual attraction once or twice in their lifetimes, while others experience it more frequently

Gynesexual: attraction to women, females, or femininity, regardless of a person's sex assigned at birth

Heterosexual: sexual attraction towards people of the opposite sex: in terms of binary, a man being attracted to a woman. Both cisgender and transgender people can identify as heterosexual, which is more commonly just called straight

Lesbian: a female or femme-aligned person who feels sexual attraction towards non men. Some lesbians refer to themselves as gay, while others prefer the term queer.

Lithosexual: an identity on the asexual spectrum in which an individual may experience sexual attraction, but have no interest in desire for this attraction to be reciprocated. As such, a lithosexual person may feel disgusted or uncomfortable at the idea of someone having sexual attraction toward them.

Terms M to P

Monosexual: a broad category used to describe those who experience attraction to one gender: such as those who are exclusively straight or gay.

Neptunic: refers to an individual who is attracted to both female and non-binary genders. It can also be used to describe an attraction toward all genders except men or masculine-aligned individuals. Neptunic is a term used mostly by non-binary people to describe their attraction without relying on the gender binary, but it can be used by anyone.

Omnisexual: a sexual attraction towards people of all genders, wherein gender plays a role in one's attraction.

Pansexual: an identity which describes an attraction to all genders, regardless of sex or gender presentation. Pansexual differs from omnisexual in that omni people do acknowledge gender when describing their attraction, and pan people tend to consider themselves gender-blind, meaning gender is not acknowledged when describing their attraction.

Polyamorous: a relationship dynamic in which a person has the potential to be in multiple romantic or sexual relationships at once, with the consent of all involved parties.

Polysexual: a term which describes the attraction to varying genders. Identities under the polysexual umbrella include bisexuality, omnisexuality, and pansexuality.

Terms Q to Z

Queer: an umbrella term which encompasses all those who are not straight. The Q in LGBTQIA indicates that gender is a spectrum, rather than an independent category dependent on gender or sex. Despite its reclaiming by the LGBTQIA+ community, queer is still seen as a slur by some and should be used respectfully and sensibly.

Questioning: the process of being curious about or exploring one's sexuality or gender.

Sapiosexual: a term used to refer to individuals who experience sexual attraction based on intelligence, rather than sex or gender.

Sapphic: a term derived from the Greek poet Sappho, sapphic encompasses all women who are attracted to other women. An umbrella term for both mono and multisexual women, this term is meant to include every queer identity in which a woman or femme-aligned person is attracted to other women or femme-aligned people.

Sexuality is fluid, and can change over time. Some people find it comforting to put a name to their sexuality, while others don't think it matters.