The first time I had ever smoked weed, I was probably about 15 or 16. I remember laying outside on the brick wall, and blowing out that first puff of smoke. It was night time and I remember thinking, oh wow, this is what it feels like. A sense of relaxation came over me like I had never felt. I remember everything being so enhanced. I could hear cars driving on the highway, that was about 5 miles from my house. I could hear the leaves blowing lightly in the trees. I could hear the crickets even climbing up the trees as the made their cricket noises. Well, it seemed that way anyways. And all the stars looked so brights and big. Then, after I laid outside for hours, I went in my kitchen and ate like it was a Thanksgiving feast. Well, not with the turkey and stuffing, but I ate everything I could get my hands on. Followed by the best, and longest sleep I had ever gotten.
After that experience, I still didn't really smoke weed a lot until I was graduated from high school and had became a mom... I was 20 when I had my son. After having him, I had gotten really bad postpartum depression, and life as a new mom was just so overwhelming. One day, a friend of mine had told me I should try smoking weed to just help, and then, I remembered that first relaxing experience I had. So I went and found the weed guy I knew from high school and went home and got I so high. I could feel the worry, anxiety and stress slowly just leave me, as I started to feel simply happy. I often still say, "It's like all my insides are being hugged with happiness."
My son was about 6 months old when I had started smoking regularly. As he has grown, it's something that I've always found to help me, in more ways then just to help with depression. Therefore, I don't keep it a secret from him. He has always known that it's something that mama does and it's medicine for grown ups. I've explained to him how it helps with aches and pains, as well as anxiety and helping being happy.
As mom's, we never stop going, even when we have the moments where we feel like we can slow down, we still don't. There's always something else to do. In my experience, I've found that weed helps me focus on the things that are in front of me, and not have such a distracted mind, of what's next. What's next can wait, what's right in front of me, needs my full attention. However, I will admit, what's next usually does need to be written down.
When life does start to get overwhelming, and I can't seem to find that deep breath, there's times where I have to find a quiet place and just regroup. I'll go smoke a bowl and just breathe. Clear my mind and just feel that happy feeling coming over me.
There's other times when life is just too much and I just don't have any appetite, or don't even want to be around anyone. I'll smoke some weed and it's like, I'm able to calm down and eat, or talk to others. Growing up, another issue I dealt with was just not eating... It's not that I didn't want to eat, I love food! I just didn't have an appetite. Food didn't sound good. There's been times where food even sounds good and then it gets in front of me, and it's like gross, I just can't. I've been able to smoke some and gain an appetite enough to eat and be okay. There's still some days like that, but I just spark up, and munch out.
Another thing that I find beneficial about smoking weed, is the pain relief. I don't even have to take ibuprofen to get rid of typical aches and pains. After getting an epidural when having my son, the lower back pain, has just been unbearable at times. As well as having some nerve damage from it. I'm sure some can relate of shooting pains hitting you in the middle of your lower back and then just going down your leg... No good. Smoking a high dose of CBD and THC helps with easing pains and being able to rest. I like using topical rubs too. I can target one area and give it more relief, then just smoking.
We are all busy, day in and day out. At the end of the day, it's nice to smoke a little bit and feel okay. I can still function. I can still do homework with my son, go to baseball games and practices, go to the store, or see people and not be anxious about talking to them. I still have the ability to make conscious decisions and judgement calls. I work hard, take care of my responsibilities and do everything I can for my love, my son-shine(son) and myself to have the best life we can. All, while being a stoned mom.