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Anatomy of an Active Stoner 2

by Alex C-B 5 years ago in culture / science / health
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Weightlifting the stigma away, one rep at a time.

Chapter 1: Episode 2

Part 1: 5:30-9:30 am

Saturday 10:00 am,

I step into my workout space after another fifteen-minute Headspace meditation to fire up my nervous system and level the morning's cone of Super Silver Haze, Nike Metcons on my feet, ready to hit the barbell.

I would have slapped you in the face in laughter if you had told me that I would be "mindfully" meditating twenty minutes to an hour every day just a few years ago, yet there I was cross-legged before my training.

My stomach is empty, but my energy levels are high, and my acuity sharp, even though my last meal was well over sixteen hours ago. There is no signal telling me to eat, and I listen to nobody but my body.

Today's training involves ten sets of ten reps of two multi-joint lower body exercises: front squats and glute-ham raises. These two work several muscles at once, and the workload will boost your metabolism by building denser muscle.

This method is called German Volume Training. Each rep takes around five seconds to execute, four on the way down and one up, with ninety seconds of rest between each set.

Ten rounds of any exercise are bound to kick your ass, but the payoff is worth the fight for both sexes. Rookies might need a few tries to complete the full workout, and the temptation to stop will haunt even the most seasoned lifter.

The mind is a sharp negotiator when it comes to giving up, whether you are a fitness monk or an active stoner. Meditation helps disengage from the negative thoughts that try to persuade you to quit. You learn to observe the voice with curiosity, rather than to succumb to its desire.

I finish the workout with accessory exercises and mobility drills to lube up the joints and enhance recovery, satisfied by the victory over my body and mind.

Pot is a prime scapegoat for everyday problems nowadays. The consensus is that marijuana kills motivation by incinerating your brain cells and turns you into a vegetable. Some of the strength and fitness wizards even say the plant sabotages the primary hormones at play on the road to health.

Critics blame what they see as a poison, and never question the individuality of the body, the complex universe that surrounds it, or the real ability of the solution they provide.

Health can only happen in the absolute absence of the alleged poisons and rigorous application of professional, yet fallible, opinions. That same breed of good and evil you see in religious dogma. The body remains a slave to its environment, unable to evolve.

This bubble body logic implies the impossibility in our current biological settings to outgrow and conquer these microscopic particles so skilled at killing humans.

You may patch things up temporarily by running away, but do you ever address the core issue? Imagine our ancestors had failed to develop new strategies to confront the flesh-avid predators tracking them on a daily basis, preferring avoidance instead. Where would we stand on the food chain today?

I put two scoops of cricket powder and magnesium-creatine chelate with blueberries and coconut oil in Vitamix, my trusted food grinder, acutely aware of the American Heart Association's recent charges that say the various types of fat in my diet clog my arteries. Well, if the better sleep, lower stress levels, higher energy, and acuity come from arterial blockage, give me more please.

I salute all the forgotten souls who died of heart disease albeit lower than average cholesterol levels.


My stomach starts to growl. The shake is not nearly enough to satisfy my hunger after the workout, so I cook up a steak of grass-fed beef from my client' farm in the country with a side of greens and two portions of kimchi for my gut flora.

My business partner joins me, another stoner to the bones. We brainstorm the typical banter to figure out the best way to keep our clients happy while doing the least amount of work possible over the feast. Lazyness in all its beauty.

We had met a year earlier when he was still working at a big investment banking firm and suffered regular back pain that kept him up at night. I taught him to strengthen his butt, hamstrings, lower traps, and external rotators of his shoulders, then stretch the front of his legs. These muscles get shut down when you sit endless hours, while the front tightens up and collapses your entire posture inward, unable to withstand the weight of gravity.

The guy was pain-free after three months. He quit his job that first morning he woke up without having to take twenty minutes to get out of bed. I prefer working alone, but our combined skills were too good to ignore.

He pulls out a five-inch canon of excellent Laughing Buddha sativa, rolled tightly in hemp paper. These strain names are getting absurd, and I love it.

"Digesplif?" he says with a smile.

You are bound to attract the right people when you stay true to yourself. I mean, here is a high functioning member of society by usual standards who smoked weed during corporate lunch break then sat in meetings with masters of the universe itching for more profit.

He hated the suited seated life, which probably added to the strength of his back-pain, and walked away from a high salary to risk the entrepreneurial path after starting to care for his body and mind.

There is much to learn from people like that; I could never walk away from such an education opportunity.

We laugh, philosophize, and imagine ideas that have nothing to do with our business. You have to disconnect let the creative juices flow every once in awhile.

Poisons of choice vary across the board. Some people drink moderately throughout the week and black out come Friday and Saturday. Others keep their work on IV eighteen hours a day; many consume visual information without moving. There is something for all tastes and personalities.

I choose to smoke or eat a plant that takes heat from the media and professionals at a loss from its widespread for dubious reasons considering everything else that flies under the radar, then irregularly indulge in other typical human vices. This unique synergy of poisons blended to the my physical and mental exercises make me who I am today.

Society favors full denial when it comes to this darker side of our nature, as if it was not an integral part of us like our heart and our brain. Ruling entities keep people at bay with scare tactics, teach them to stay away and bury these demons deep, never to explore the depth of this subconscious ocean.

Holy smokes, I must be out of my mind.

All these sins are bound to hurt you if you fail to create the right strategy of healthy habits strong enough to overcome their harmful impact on your body. Now, you would never jump in front of a sabertooth tiger without studying it first, would you?

Some people would, and might even succeed, but you better have some foundation before facing the beast.

You have to be a scientist about yourself and continually gather data to analyze your state, then adjust based on the feedback. My right formula for my complex universe turned out to be nothing like that one-size fit-all fiasco preached for the last half century. I had to explore, fail, and get my ass back up until I found a strategy that worked. The learning never stops.

I play Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, an hymn of revolt written by an abused soul and a band of misfits who raised their middle fingers to the obsolete operating system and hardware running the show, then tend to my writings. Each word spills out of my fingers onto the screen one a time. What an era to be alive.

Disclaimer: This is not a promotion of marijuana as a solution for anything nor an invitation to partake, but rather a demonstration that a healthy optimal lifestyle can include smoking up.


In case you missed Part 1


About the author

Alex C-B

Pieces of myself through facts and fiction - A fallible human of the digital era. I bought the ticket, missed the ride, then tripped down the rabbit hole and woke up stranded with you in this strange matrix.

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