Yours Truly, Anonymous
For Someone I Love Too Much for My Own Good
The truth is I didn’t just want to hangout out.
That sounds like I don’t care about the creases by your eyes when you smile
or your full body laugh that could end wars.
I want to have your attention because I’m selfish
and hate sharing.
I like the idea of being there when you wake up
on a lazy Wednesday morning with morning breath
and messy hair and
you.
You feel comfortable,
like no expectations and apple pie.
Everything with you feels good.
But I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve spent
swallowing all of this like fucking cough syrup because it scares me,
how much I care about you.
About losing you.
You have no idea...
and it’s going to stay that way.
Because the truth is that I’ll probably leave you wrecked and confused.
Feeling things you can’t even describe;
You choke on the words before they even touch your lips.
That’s what I do.
I care,
I love,
But I don't know how to show it.
I don't know how to carry the weight
Of someone else's heart.
End up making one too many unforgivable mistakes.
End up dropping you like a toy I’m done playing with.
My friends call it heartless.
My therapist calls it sad.
You can pick.
You would be an easy victim, if I’m honest.
You seem to find it easy to care.
And I don’t want to hurt you.
I don’t want to give myself
That chance.
Because...
Because I can’t lose you.
So, we’ll just…stay this way.
I’ll stay sad
And you can say oblivious.
My heart just wasn’t made for this.
For precious people
Like you.
- Yours truly, Anonymous.
About the Creator
Jinx Farrah
I'm a positively cynical 18 year old college student who makes sense of their life through the 26 letters of the alphabet, rearranged into what I need them to say.
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