Your Presence

I know you don't want this,

I wish I didn't want this either,

because I sit here writing,

and I miss your presence,

The presence of you being near,

of laying on your chest to a show,

laughing over who knows,

I miss the calmness that slides between our discomfort,

the smiles when we are on the same page,

the times when everything falls into being okay,

I miss those moments,

I wish they were in abundance,

Because then I wouldn't be here,

Typing away my loneliness,

Feeling what it is to miss you,

I know you would take me back in an instant,

You never believed in any of this distance,

But me missing those moments,

Don't fall under the same stars,

That got us to where we are,

The constant conflict,

My internal inflictions,

of what I see to be true,

that overcomes the actions of going back to you,

The initial irritation,

That was a final straw of our situation,

has been overcome with my desire to feel touched,

to feel love,

Sometimes I wish everything we had was enough,

That we could just sit in silence,

without constant expectation,

Where we could be embraced instead of mental abrasions,

I wish it was different,

That I felt different,

That if I went back, we would be different,

That everything I believed in us hadn't already been spent,

But it has,

Nonetheless, my body is starting to feel the presence of our past,

The separation and physical drought from our last time together,

A feeling that physically drains and feels like you'll be untouched forever,

Is making my mental restraint from you easier to sever,

But I know, fueling that wouldn't make this process any better.