Young Love

My Life seems to be on the positive side.

Should I prepare myself for a life shattering downslide?

Concentration, aggravation, frustration,

constipation, masturbation, observation,

wishing I was molecules of evaporation.

Backbreaking, agitating,

earthjarring, PAIN...

Which can all be solved by one thing,...........meditation.

Open up and allow your mind to rise up and stake a claim,

Because there's no one else to blame......But yourself.

Now I've claimed happiness with a wonderful soul.

Why we were placed together only One being knows.

--written summer of 2004--

I wrote this after meeting a man who I thought proved my soulmate theory. I was convinced that he was my one truly unconditional lover. Life Partner in crime, but in the end his love was very conditional. HIS conditions only. I stayed with him for 15 years, and one day I realized that I had lost myself in his constant belittling, and gaslighting. I didn't know what Narcissism was at the time so I always "took the bait" and reacted just exactly how he wanted me to. I finally picked myself up and chose my children and their future, chose myself. He doesn't like to be told no.....I don't cower from his intimidation anymore, but the kids do. I don't walk on eggshells anymore, but the kids do. So I am empowering my children with the knowledge of how to respond to their fathers constant badgering of questioning to use what they say against them so he will be so angry he will not have to take the time to be a REAL Father and push them away and they have to learn that their father will NEVER love them unconditionally, they will never be good enough for their father's standards that he holds other people to but does NOT hold himself to. I am free now, they are not. The poem above proof of how important "Lovebombing" is in the Narcissistic process of claiming a supply. Once I loved him I was stuck, hooked like an addict. Living off of the breadcrumbs he thru down. This is my journey to freedom. -Rachel Isom-