You Wanted to Know

DISCLAIMER: Often when people suffer through abusive childhoods, they end up in abusive marriages and relationships because they did not have good role models and do not know what a healthy relationship looks like. This poem is a bit brutal, but I have wanted to release this energy. It can be a little triggering... As humans, we all have dark thoughts; the key is not acting on them.

Married for 15 years,

You once sked me why

I never wrote a song for you

Or a poem or anything at all about you

Not even a simple haiku

But the words I always wanted to say

Were words that would be more cruel

Than the mocking and belittlement

You did of my dreams, aspirations, and desires

You did everything you could to crush my soul

And destroy my words

But, baby, you didn’t succeed

So, here’s your little poem

I’m sorry it’s not pretty

But all I’ve wanted to say to you

For such a long time is…

Baby, why don’t you just die?

Why don’t you just die?

And if you find God doesn’t want you

And the Devil won’t have you

Just go far away from me

Leave me be

Like all men who have no goals,

No dreams

No hopes or aspirations

You lashed out at others who

Dared to dream

When you were unable to

Muster within yourself something

So natural and basic as hope

Instead you mocked my dreams

You belittled my writing

You shamed my desires

Because you never had any

You tried to make me feel worthless

But now, I’m woke, and living,

And all I have to say is…

Baby, why don’t you just die?

Why don’t you just die?

And if you find God doesn’t want you

And the Devil won’t have you

Just go far away from me

Leave me be

At one time I loved you so much

I would have given up all my dreams

I would have given you ever penny I earned

To help you attain your potential

Which you had so much of

But you are an empty shell

Hollowed out by your mother’s

Screeching indifference

Leaving you

With a resentment as

Toxic and aggressive as cancer

Pumping through your heart

Using others to pave your way

So you can smile sweetly with such charm

While you take all you can get from others

Baby, why don’t you just die?

Why don’t you just die?

And if you find God doesn’t want you

And the Devil won’t have you

Just go far away from me

Leave me be

Why don’t you just die?

Why don’t you just die?

- Julie O'Hara 2023

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